Friday, 17 September 2010

UK Foreign Aid Plea Hypocrisy

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Commission for Africa, set up by ex-UK Prime Minister, career villain, arch war criminal and all-round twat Tony Bliar, to find solutions to poverty in Africa (pity he didn’t set one up to find solutions to poverty in Britain first) claims the continent needs billions more dollars in aid to perpetuate the continent-wide despotic kleptocracies that are ‘governing’ (sic) the dump’s 57 individual nations.

The sacred gospel according to Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers watchdog charity, sarcastically reports that the world's poorest continent has made extraordinary progress since 2005, thanks to the singular efforts of Bono and Blob Geldork – with Robert Mugabe’s Marxist Utopia in Zimbabwe providing a perfect example of the results.

There has been what the Commission for Africa terms ‘significant’ economic growth around the drug smuggling industry - and a surge in the trade of arms and conflict diamonds – plus selling off the continent’s natural resources to environmental pillagers such as the good ole US of A and China – to leave a legacy of eco-devastation for future generations.
Conversely the Commission admits the vast majority of people in the continent (the purposely-uneducated peasant classes) have derived zero benefit from this economic boom due their governments being staffed by nepotistic criminal syndicates posing as political parties.

The current South African regime under the inept rule of arch-polygamist Jacob Zuma and his ANC Sticky Fingers Party is a typical case in point of a country being stolen by criminal conspirators whose only interest is bettering their own lot in life and bollocks to the rest.
This gang of political larcenists have now evolved themselves to an elitist fraternity possessed with an absurd sense of entitlement, and joined the ranks of that percentage of global society that uses far more than it needs to live at a higher standard than those they are stealing from. Hmmm, alas, historically and until now, such is Africa – in dire need of being saved - from the Africans. Dear old Dr Livingstone’s mission failed miserably

Thus the brazen hubris and hypocrisy of the Commission for Africa to demand of Britain that they need to up the economic aid ante to the marginalised and disadvantaged nations comprising the shithole of a continent.
However the Commission does recognise that calls for more aid may seem at odds with the focus on public spending cuts in donor countries such as Britain - but states that a strong and prosperous Africa is in everyone's interest – especially for the fat cats doling out the loot – and too the kleptocrats running their individual fiefdoms alike tribal plutocrats bloated on their embezzlements from the public pork barrel.

Here on the flip side of the coin, in Britain’s once green and pleasant land, we have millions of peasants now not only unemployed but homeless too – with the numbers burgeoning with each passing day - living in Broonite shanty towns of cardboard boxes and under plastic sheets – exposed to the inclement elements and freezing winter conditions brought on by Al Bore’s global warming scam.

The bank crashes and ensuing calamitous recession (read ‘Bottomless Depression’) – and resulting economic disaster was the magnum opus of incompetent political clowns and morons associated with and part of the New Labour government under Tony Bliar and Gordon ‘Incapability’ Broon – and while it might be impossible to mend stupid you can vote it out of office – so we did - and ended up with a Libservative coalition of even more inept political dildoes – with their millionaire Iron Chancellor Herr Georgie Boy Oddbourne in charge of the garrotting purse strings and mulling draconic austerity measures as he squats on the bog contemplating his chronic mentally-constipated state.

Hence, we have Chancellor Oddbourne (and for the moment we’ll overlook the fact he’s personally richer than Croesus and was born with a solid-gold spoon in his slack-jawed gob) who informs us that to salvage anything out of the UK’s fucked-up economic condition we’ve ‘all’ got to tighten our belts and suffer the drastic budgetary cuts to public spending. Note well that last bit – ‘public spending’ – and reflect on the fact that MP’s are paid from the public / tax payer kitty.
So Georgie and his fiscal cohorts are set to slash mega-bucks from welfare benefits – sick pay, disability allowance, housing benefit, jobseekers allowance, old age pensions – to name but a few.

As a result the government’s High Priests of Fiscal Policy went into sacred conclave with the Department of Advanced Guessology and the Exchequer’s office is now inundated with reams of reports (several hectares of rain forest-worth) -churned out by theoretical statisticians and bonkers bean counters that prove we can survive on (no, not live on, but ‘survive’ on) a weekly income of £60 quid per week per person – or £120 per pensioner status couple.

Fair enough, if that be it then so be it. However, by this self-same rule, if the sheeple-peasants have been condemned to try and survive on £60 nicker a week each without resorting to shop-lifting excursions, then so can Chancellor Oddbourne and his overpaid Parliamentary pond scum ilk of MPs who are currently paid £65,738 quid per annum - with cabinet ministers on a bloated £134,565 – plus both sets of bottom feeders have their expenses to offset the ravages of inflation. As the old adage states: “What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.”

So, is this likely to happen? Are the elitist parliamentarians going to take a voluntary cut in salary to set a good example by complying with their own rulings and bring themselves into line with what they are imposing on a hapless public? Ha! The day Hell freezes over. We’ve got more chance of shoving butter up a porcupine’s arse with a red hot tea spoon than our illustrious MP’s taking a cut in salary for the good of the country.

Sir Irwin Bogbrush, the head of Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers watchdog charity, opined to one reporter from the Chapter 11 Gazette that “Britain’s truly on the bones of its arse due the contrived bank-induced crashes manifested by investment in dodgy (read non-existent) derivatives and sub-prime mortgage crap – and the unregulated banks and incompetent government are to blame – so why the fuck are we still engaged in disastrous neo-colonialist imperialist military escapades and adventures against the sovereign governments of foreign lands under the pretence of bringing them Democracy?”

“Further to this, applying the facility of 20/20 hindsight and a copious dollop of common sense, why are we still providing aid to Third World dumps when our own economy’s in tatters and we’re suffering draconic across the board spending cuts to basic social and welfare services? These are the type of privations that caused the Peasant’s Revolt of 1381, and too the Great Terror (French Revolution) of 1789, and the Bolshevik uprising of 1917 – both of the latter bringing about the fall of the despotic monarchies responsible for the peasant’s collective miseries. Hence it may just be time to sharpen the guillotine and paint the firing squad wall.”

“Really, why should British society harbour any sense of nobless oblige concerning foreign aid for the past colonial sins of Empire’s Day on the word and prompting of Common Purpose social engineering pond scum and sewer dwellers?”

“For Christ’s sake, we have the British middle class headed for a mass extinction level event – belaboured with burgeoning credit card debt and many families can’t even pay their monthly Sky Sport TV bills. I have business associates who haven’t been able to afford to buy a McD’s chew n spew Big Barf Burger for their lunch since Lord Peter Scandalson became Broon’s Business Secretary and the economy went tits up in a bucket.”
“What we should be doing is get that clot Bono and his cronies setting up concerts for us – and launching celebrity charity appeals to the wealthy industrial countries such as South Korea, China, and India to donate more to ease the plight of the poverty-stricken British middle class.”

Stop press: It is widely rumoured Guy Fawkes, that Grand Yorkshireman of letters, is set to adorn the centrefold pages of this month’s Anarchists Gazette magazine.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration and misaligned references.

Thought for the day: If anyone still believes their national First World government was established to serve them 24/7, and high rates of taxation are only in place to ensure the reliability of a cradle to grave nanny state welfare society, then they’ve not only been deceived but fed a shitpile of felonious porky pies.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.

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