Bliar Bio’ Backstabs Broon

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Ex-Labour PM Tony Bliar’s autobiography ‘Wages of Sin’ was on the book seller’s shelves on September 1st, with an official launch hosted at Pissstone’s flagship store in central London.
The former Slime Minister was there to personally promote sales of the ghost-written tome, for which he was paid a £4.6 zillion quid advance – signing copies of the book with the DU-contaminated blood of slaughtered Iraqi children – to provide a 10,000 year half-life glow-in-the-dark effect.
Wages of Sin is published by the Renegade House Group in the UK, and Alfred A. Numpf in the good ole US of A - one of the prime imprints of the Numpf Doublecross Publishing Group.

The book, which took almost three weeks to write, focuses on his years spent in Downing Street and is the first time Bliar has revealed the inner workings of his relationship with Chancellor – and successor PM – Gordon ‘ Incapability’ Broon. Blair describes Broon, who took over the 10 Downing Street spot in 2007, as a “typical tight-fisted Scots twat” and “as stubborn as Murphy’s mule”.

Ghengis McScrote, the Scottish editor of the red top gutter press tabloid, the ‘See You Gazette’, had this to say in his editorial pages “By the look of his picture on the dustcover of the book it might just be a hefty dose of conscience catching up with him – if he’d been born with one that is. The man’s all eyebags an’ worry an’ balding – like Wilde’s Dorian Gray in reverse. Now that has got ter be due all the evil nasty sins the scally git’s gone an’ committed.”

“As fer the book itself – well, it’s saturated with a litany of selective character assassinations – and typical of what we’ve grown to expect from the Sassenach scumbag – more fucking lies, bullshit an’ spin. Just take a look at how the low-life bastard sticks the knife in Gordon’s back. If Bliar never gets another decent night’s sleep ever again, then good!”

While Bliar reveals his crocodile tears "anguish" over the deaths and maiming of British soldiers in the Iraq war – he conspicuously makes no mention of the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi troops – and too innocent civilians – specifically children - killed and crippled by his criminal decision to manipulate false intelligence reports to justify the illegal invasion.

He touches on the subject of Princess Di’s murder in the Pont de l’Alma Tunnel in Paris just after he assumed office as PM in 1997, and while sort of indicating he might have given the nod for Dr David Kelly’s assisted suicide for whistle-blowing the government’s dodgy weapons of mass distraction intelligence dossier to Ox-Rat – the international snitch and grassers watchdog charity - wholly denies he was ever involved in the conspiracy to snuff Di’ and Dodo al Fayed. “Honestly, that was Philip’s and MI6’s shenanigans and bugger all to do with Downing Street.”

However, with such a record for telling massive porkies it’s hard to accept the verisimilitude of anything he says – especially when it’s preceded by the words “Honest to God!” or “Believe you me!”

You can watch Tony Blair's interview with Andrew ‘Bat Ears’ Marr on BBC 2’s ‘Lying Gits’ programme on Sunday 5th September at 1900 BST – right after Songs of Praise.

Thought for the day: Should the title of Bliar’s bio’ be changed to ‘False Pretences’?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.