Saturday, 4 September 2010

Hague Denies Taking it up the Arse

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Willy Vague, the Libservative Cabinet Minister for Israeli Affairs, last night spit the dummy and threw all his toys out of the pram in a fit of pique concerning speculation in the media that he’s a raving poofter.
The 96-year old Vague, who was educated at St Fudgers Grammar School in Ripoff, Porkshire, informed reporters from the Daily Shitraker and the Scandalmongers Gazette “You bloody oicks and hacks and your rumours! I shared a twin bed hotel room with one of my advisors while we were campaigning during the general election run-up – that doesn’t mean to say I was bonking him up the botty.”

While unsubstantiated rumours have circulated about Vague's bisexuality around Shitehall and Westminster for years, the first hint of allegations surrounding his 25-year-old ‘special’ adviser, Chrissy ‘Call me Emily’ Myers, surfaced in the Doggers Review last week in an article questioning why he had hired a cross-dressing third ‘adviser’ when his predecessors had just two - and after PM Posh Dave Scameron has pledged to cut back on political advisers.

Apparently when questioned on what ‘Emily’ actually advised on, Vague confessed “Oh, where to go for dinner, which movies or West End shows were worth seeing – that sort of thing – and he’s very good on the African gossip on what’s happening in Uganda. Plus he’s the one who picks up the brown envelope with the Fulham grandstand tickets from Mo’ al Fayed on a Friday. Emily also does the Bet Fred run and calls in at Threshers and the chippy every afternoon.”

The Doggers Review posted a series of pictures with the article showing Vague and ‘Emily’ strolling around Cottagers Woods on Clapham Common – the latter wearing a stuffed bra, fishnet tights and six inch black slingback stilettos. The pictures were apparently taken last year before Vague was appointed to the Libservative coalition's Zionist Department – as chief 'Spin Meister' and apologist for Israel’s continual human rights and war crimes clusterfucks.

When the prisons minister, Crispin Kuntt, recently announced that he was separating from his wife Sapphie to allow him to "come to terms with the fact he prefers anal sex with other men to shagging his missus", many newspapers were planning to run further scandalous rumours about Vague’s private life, questioning if he too was cross-dressing at the taxpayer’s expense – with the Sunday Shitraker submitting a Freedom of Information request for details of what junkets ‘Emily’ Myers had been on, how much he was paid and to be provided with a complete and detailed job description.

Conversely Minister Vague has instructed Ms Sue Fleecem QC, of law firm Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot, to issue libel writs against any gutter press rags publishing unsubstantiated lurid tittle-tattle that he has been playing the beast with two backs with the camp Chrissy Myers.

Apparently Vague’s office received an anonymous e-mail from the Labour Paty HQ yesterday threatening to produce evidence that would ‘out’ him as a raving poofter – and “being possessed with sexual tastes that some members of polite society regard as ‘disgusting’ while the Bible actually terms them ‘an abomination’ – and we all know what God did to Sodom don’t we”.

Hmmm, was it only 43 years ago that homosexual acts between males were a prosecutable offence in Britain's once green and pleasant lands? Sir John ‘Fellattia’ Wolfenden and his ‘Wollfenden Report’ of 1957 recommended legalising shirt-lifting sessions between consenting adults – although it took a further ten years before such became law. Under the 1957 laws homosexual offences could incur anything from a £5 quid fine to life imprisonment. Little wonder they loitered around tube station lavatories and the like.

Hence why the law was changed in 1967 - simply to accommodate this perverted practice as the House of Conmans - and the Lords and Shitehall in particular - are infested with sodomites – and a legion of kiddie fiddling pederasts - and that’s without mentioning the Freemasonry contingent and the be-wigged judiciary sexual deviants and raving faggots. Let’s be honest – the whole of British government is powered by Fairydust.

Thought for the day: Who really gives a flying fuck if Willy Vague is a shirt-lifting fudging poofter? His Mum, perhaps? Maybe the Missus too?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.

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