Monday, 6 September 2010

UK Cop Breaks Prisoner-Throwing Record

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A Plod Squad Sergeant is facing a good telling off and a slap on the wrist from his Chief Constable after he was caught on CCTV throwing a woman into a cell, resulting in head and facial injuries and profuse bleeding from her sustained wounds.

The action-packed Cannes Film Festival entry clip from YouTube starts off at the front duty desk of Thugborough Police Station in Scumdale, where CCTV camera footage shows the burly 6ft 3in Sergeant Ghengis McTwatt dragging 59-year old x 5ft 2in x 112 lbs Mrs Pamela Somerville along the floor by her emaciated arthritic left arm.

A cell-sited camera then takes over and recorded McTwatt picking the woman up bodily and tossing her into the cell, where she impacts the concrete floor face-first. The CCTV clock shows she is down and out for the count for well over a minute before staggering to her feet, with blood running from her face and head wounds, creating a series of neo-classical artistic sanguinary patterns on the cell floor as she careens around in a semi-conscious state, screaming her head off for a paramedic and a personal injury lawyer.

Mrs Somerville, a retired school-teacher and devout church-going Methodist, was driving through Scumdale on route to visit her daughter when the car, a Mercedes estate, was stricken with a nearside rear wheel puncture. She was fortunate enough to reach a lay-by and park then phoned the RAC for assistance, and while awaiting their arrival fell asleep in the car.
Two passing mobile patrol traffic plods pulled over to investigate and, so typical of the morons now kitted out with blue uniforms, Kevlar vests and Batman utility belts, assumed without recourse to their powers of deduction or further ado that she had been drinking – and thus arrested her.

Mrs Somerville admits she became angry and abusive when the two officers repeatedly refused to explain why they wanted to handcuff her and take her to the police station. “I came out with a few choice expletives when they kept grabbing me and shouting “Shut the fuck up yer stupid slag!”

She was confined to a cell until an hour later was visited by a police doctor, relating “I was relieved to see him when he introduced himself because I thought he’d have more intelligence than the shit-for-brains plods who had arrested me claiming I was drunk when I’m a tee-totaller. However, when he started putting on a pair of disposable gloves and told me to drop my draws and bend over I thought ‘Fuck this” and ran out of the cell.”

“That was when old nasty-bollocks Sergeant McTwatt physically grabbed me, picked me up like some rag doll, told the ‘doctor’ to “Piss off!” and threw me head-first into the cell – where I ended up kissing the concrete floor.”

The CCTV footage confirms the victim’s statement and readily takes up the story from that point in graphic blood-lust detail as Sgt McTwatt hurls the prisoner’s body across the cell, sticks the boot in her guts, then slammed the door shut and left her unconscious and bleeding on the floor.

After being released from hospital Mrs Somerville told a reporter from the Police State Gazette “This is the kind of thing we read about happening in tin-pot Third World shithole dictatorships in Africa or Latin America, maybe, but not in rural England.”

The incident will inevitably stoke the ongoing debate about the deteriorating relationship between the public and the police following the death of newspaper vendor Ian Tomlinson, attacked with a steel baton and shoved violently to the ground by a Plod Squad thug during last year’s G20 protests. Tomlinson dragged himself to his feet, staggered off then collapsed and died a few minutes later.

This criminal travesty was succeeded the very next day by Police Sergeant Delboy Stinkie losing his cool at the self-same G20 rally and revealing the brutal side of police training when he bitch slapped and beat the shit out of female protester Nicola Fisher with an Asp type telescopic steel baton for no better reason than he mistook her orange juice carton for a weapon of mass destruction.

Thought for the day: No Plod Squad psycho has ever been charged, let alone tried and convicted, for the murder of Brazilian electrician Jean Charles de Menezes – mistaken for a Muslim suicide bomber by ther Met’s elite ‘Shoot First Squad’. The same applies with Sgt Delboy Stinkie – exhonerated in court for his assault on lightweight protester Nicky Fisher. The same with PC Simon Harwood, the uniformed thug whose unprovoked vicious attack on innocent passer-by cum news vendor Ian Tomlinson resulted in his untimely death – an act normally classed as murder but until now one suffering from justice denied.

So, we dare to speculate, what for Mrs Somerville and her brutal assailant – Sgt Ghengis McTwatt? Yet another case of ‘justice denied’?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a thug-infested area and may contain traces of tampered evidence, police whitewash and blatant cover-ups.

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