Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Plods Promoting Public Highways Stasi

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s totalitarian plod squad are set to suborn motorists to spy on each other for examples of poor driving in yet another terrifying national extension of the EUSSR’s burgeoning Big Brother super state.

Road users, and too pedestrians alike, will be tasked to keep a sharp lookout for boy racers and east European pikey truckers responsible for acts of inconsiderate or dangerous driving - or persons revving the bollocks off their motor and then tear-arsing away from traffic lights as if off the grid in a Formula One race event.

Detailed reports - which cognisant critics are predicting will provide the perfect opportunity for vindictive types to file malicious accusations against neighbours - are submitted to the police, who will then log extensive personal details on a newly commissioned computer mammoth database capable of holding the once-confidential particulars of every fucker and their dog in the known Universe.

Such details will be cross-checked against the DVLA databases and the Police National Computer to rake up further dirt, with anyone being reported twice by some malcontent neighbour during a 12 month period automatically triggering a police investigation – and despite never being caught breaking the law will be mandated to provide a DNA sample and considered repeat offenders - and interrogated concerning their postulated motoring misdeeds in the local Plod Shop’s Room 101 by the barbaric likes of career sadist and Met Police thug Sgt Delboy Stinkie (Nicola Fisher assault) - or Ian Tomlinson’s G20 murderer – TSG PC Simon Deadwood.

Besides being slammed by critics as a wholly dystopian scheme that would make the likes of Huxley, Kafka and Orwell squirm, and one that will spur vengeful malcontents to file perjurious reports, it is further viewed as yet another spot fine revenue-earning dodge.
The Sussex police force that is piloting the scheme has already received 20,488 reports – all filed online - with the accused drivers never knowing who was actually responsible for back-stabbing them.

A recent Freedom of Information request regarding the shitty scheme revealed that 2,695 Chelsea Tractor drivers (all women) have received letters of advice following reports of their erratic driving – with a further 1,047 drivers having had sanctions imposed on them as a direct result of the anonymous complaints. This happens when the reports lead to police discovering offences such as a tyre inflated below the manufacturer’s recommended pressure or birdshit on the windscreen.

As if we didn’t have enough already with intrusive and abusive social services mafia – plus the legions of PCSO’s and community enforcement morons on hire from Renta-Snitch – we now have grumpy neighbours empowered as official grassers just to earn their Good Peasant award – or an Exemplary Sheeple badge.

Des Fuctifino, campaign director of Big Brother Watch, who uncovered the draconic scheme - the so-called Operation Crackdown - told one reporter from the Tyranny Gazette that the entire process is based on unfounded accusations by untrained and possibly prejudiced members of the public. “Yeah right, the whole effin’ scheme’s wide-open ter abuse - ranging from people wiv minor grudges against neighbours ter busybody motorists wot think they know wot constitutes bad driving – or some numpty twat kitted out in Lycra on a fuckin’ push bike wot thinks he owns the whole bleedin’ road.”

“That’s all the effin’ Plod Squad wants – ter encourage the public ter inform upon one another – so we have a bunch of unpaid snoops an’ stoolies monitorin’ the highways and byways runnin’ the length an’ breadth of Britain cos they know it worked okay in Soviet Russia, an’ worked for Hitler an’ the Nazis, an’ worked for the East German Stasi, still works for China’s Juntong secret police.”

“It’s okay the effin’ police defendin’ the scheme on the grounds it stops anti-social behaviour on the roads. This Operation Crackdown website of theirs tells the snitches an;’ grassers they can report motorists wot they see not wearing a seatbelt, or usin’ a cellphone or speedin’ – or drivin’ under the influence of drink or drugs. Strangely enough the website doesn’t mention how the fuck drivers or pedestrians are supposed ter know whether the person behind the wheel has bin drinkin’ or smokin’ a bifta – an’ we all know assumption wears a cloak of errors.”

“While Georgie Orwell’s '1984' book an’ Huxley’s 'Brave New World' provide insights ter wot a dystopian police state might well manifest as, the book in itself woz never meant ter be used as an instruction manual – Totalitarianism fer Dummies.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Thought for the day: fuck Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.

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