Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Preggers Nun Ices Ad’ Causes Ballyhoo

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A UK-based ice cream company owned by radical ultra-atheist Antonio Federici, prohibited from using an advert displaying a pregnant nun, has told the Advertising Standards Authority to stick their ban up their proverbial arse and vowed to position similar posters across London to embarrass the hell out of Joey Ratflinger – aka Pope Benny, the Mk 16 German built-to-last Ubermensch model - during his ‘Big Vatican Apology’ visit to our sceptred isle this week.

Federici's ‘Anarchy Ice Cream’ advert displays a visibly pregnant nun sucking on a nine inch ‘Gelato Italiano’ phallic shaped ice cream while sat on the bench of a church confessional – and further adorned with the strap line "Immaculately Conceived".

The UK’s Advertising Standards Authority has ordered the poster ad’ to be discontinued, claiming it mocked Roman Catholic beliefs that nuns never became pregnant as they were all raving rug-munching dykes.

Conversely Federici claims the ballyhoo and histrionics spurred by complaints from the Catholic Church are much ado about nothing – and intends to paste a string of even more sexually graphic posters near Westminster Abbey, where Pope Benny will be visiting on Friday.

Federici’s UK-based Anarchy Ice Cream spokeswoman, Fellattia van der Gamm informed one reporter from the Heretics Gazette that their new poster images intended to defy the impotent ban from the Advertising Standards Authority - adding "We are in the process of securing a series of billboards close along the planned route of the Pope's cavalcade around Westminster.”

Anarchy Ice Cream has yet to reveal what images will be portrayed in the new adverts, saying only that it would be a continuation of the same theme to embarrass the Pope and illustrate the blatant hypocrisy of the Catholic hierarchy.
Possible poster themes are a squad of Hitler’s Nazi Youth members tucking into double scoop Concentration Camp Cones under Auschwitz’s ‘Arbeit Macht Frei’ gate sign – or a choir boy rubbing a cold iced lolly on his sodomised sore arse – or eating a Gelato Italiano ice cream and announcing it tastes better than ‘priest cum’.

The banned advert has been featured in editions of ‘Which Altar Boy?’ and ‘Convent Clam-Eaters’ magazines – prompting complaints to the ASA who issued the statement “We consider the use of a nun pregnant through immaculate conception was likely to be seen as a distortion and mockery of the beliefs of Roman Catholics – much as kiddie fiddling by sodomite priests has done to their faith.”

"We concluded that to use such an image, even in a light-hearted way, to advertise ice cream was likely to cause serious offence to members of the target public, particularly those who practised the Roman Catholic faith and were so gullible they still believe in a loving, caring God - or trusted anything that comes out of the kiddie fiddling Vatican.

Defending the banned nun advert, Anarchy Ice Cream declared that the idea of "conception" represented the development of their products and the use of religious imagery represented its strong feeling towards its product.
The company also wished to comment on and question, using satire and gentle humour, the relevance and hypocrisy of religion and the attitudes of the church to social issues – such as abortion, contraception, cassock-lifters and paedophilia.

The ASA has previously attempted to ban, without success, several earlier Anarchy Ice Cream adverts in 2009 that showed a priest and a nun about to assume a 69-sexual position with the caption “Lick this, baby!”

However, it may be wise for Antonio Federici to step back and consider the public shunning and stock price collapse fate of the Never-Ready company whose 2006 TV advertisement portrayed a group of nuns loading Ramrod hi-power alkaline cell batteries into their Rampant rabbits and pocket rockets then engaging in a group masturbation ritual while reciting their Te Deum and angelic salutations.

Conversely the National Farmers Union jumped on the bandwagon several years earlier with their highly successful ‘Healthy Lifestyles’ five-a-day posters displaying a nun giving herself one with a twelve inch cucumber while sucking on a similar item – with the caption reading “Get your greens inside you – a girl’s best friend”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.

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