Friday, 10 September 2010

Pierced Moron to Replace King

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Former Daily Shitraker editor and Britain's Got Talent judge Piers Moron is touted to be the Chosen One to take over the reins from the iconic TV presenter Larry King on CNN when he retires this autumn.
Moron's selection as King's replacement has a score of insiders scratching their heads, not only as to why but also generating Chinese whispers of WTF? – speculating that he must be blackmailing someone at CNN as he’s widely regarded as a self-assuming, opinionated, smarmy and arrogant prick, possessed with the charisma of a chemotherapy ward.

The bird-like King, who began presenting Larry King Live on CNN in 1985, announced in June he would step down as host of the show this autumn to spend more time with his enema therapist since he was diagnosed as being more full of shit than a Christmas goose.
The veteran broadcaster who will be 96 later this year recently made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest-running show with the same host in the same time slot – a fact that has gone totally ignored by the human race and just serves to prove how much crap the Guinness book is filled with.

To mark his 25th anniversary in the host's chair this summer, King spoke to the wife of the Prince of Wales – Gorgonzilla Parker-Bowles, about her disgusting 60-per-day cigarette habit; the two faggots from Seattle who were accused of buggering Bill Gates’ dog for a bet; and the professional counterfeiter who forged President Barky O’Barmy’s Hawaiian birth certificate - garnering some of his highest ratings since Linda Lovelace demonstrated her deep throating abilities to a live studio audience with an eighteen inch kosher salami.

Hence King is going to be a hard act to beat for Moron – a conceited clot who titled one of his three narcissistic autobiographies (to date) ‘Don't You Know Who I Am?

Alas, we do know – and only too well. As editor of the Daily Shitraker in 1996 Moron was widely criticised and forced to get down on his bended knees, kiss lots of Kraut arses and apologise profusely for the Naziesque headline "Achtung! Surrender" - a day before England met Germany in a semi-final of the Euro '96 football championships.

In 2000 the Moron was the subject of an investigation after Suzy Shagger wrote a story in the Scandalmongers Gazette revealing that he had bought a total of £67,000 quid’s worth of shares in the company producing Viagra soon before his tabloid 's 'Shitty Slickers' column tipped the drug firm’s stock as a good buy. The Moron was judged by the Press Complaints Commission to have breached the Code of Conduct on financial journalism, but stuck to his job the way dogshit sticks in the cleats of a boot.

Morgan was eventually fired from the Daily Shitraker in 2004 after authorising the gutter press red top tabloid’s publication of photographs allegedly showing Iraqi prisoners being butt-fucked by British Army fudgers from the Queen’s Own Cannon Fodder Regiment.
Within days the photographs were shown to be crude fakes circulated by agent provocateurs working for the anti-war charity Crap-Stirrers International . Under the headline "OH BOLLOCKS - WE WERE HOAXED", the Shitraker responded that it had fallen victim to a "calculated and malicious scam" and apologised for the publication of the photographs.

In 2006 Moron launched ‘Shirt Lifters’, a weekly paper aimed at Whitehall civil servants and Parliamentary MP’s. Upon its launch Moron claimed the paper was to be Britain's first national newspaper for poofters although this claim was without foundation as other newspapers had been aimed at the government’s hordes of cottaging bumboys, dating back to the 1880 launch of the Sodomites Gazette.

The Moron’s next venture was the Window Lickers Weekly, with its targeted readership being the legions of unemployed chavs, yobs and scallies infesting probation offices, the Jobcentres and welfare benefit agency sofas, Unfortunately this news rag failed to take off due the fact it’s intended audience couldn’t read due their chronic truant habits of avoiding school at all costs.
Hence the mantra of a generation of ignoramuses - “We might not have gone ter school but at least we played wiv the kids that did.”

So, for a man who has the personality of a Nigerian landfill site, gets used as a punchbag by Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson, does a Dubya Bush and falls off a Segway while sober, counts Simon Cowell as one of his mates, and suffered the indignity of having his sad arse consigned and exiled into the BBC’s Orwellian Room 101 – the Moron is to be Larry King’s heavily diluted replacement. Has anyone at CNN actually thought the ratings and sponsorship ramifications of this one through. The Moron - with King’s discarded suspenders holding up his pants?

Within the Oxford English Dictionary’s lexicon of 250,000-plus words there is none that accurately describes Moron or his obnoxious condition, although the term CUNT come pretty close to it.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area
and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.

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