Wank Phone Saved by Tony-Crony Club

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Once again celebrity war criminal Tony Bliar hits the notoriety pages of the Scandalmongers Gazette with news that he has yet again been abusing his role as Envoy of the Quartet on the Middle East for personal gain.

The gospel according to the gutter press red top tabloid reveals damning fresh evidence that Bliar mounted an intense political lobbying campaign to rescue a struggling mobile-phone business owned by a client of the bank that pays him a £2 million quid annual salary – then had the audacity to turn around and declare there was no conflict of interest.

The communication firm in question, Wank Phone, had already built a brand-new network in the Israeli-occupied Palestinian West Bank.
However, with the current political situation there being more fucked up than a soup sandwich, the entire shebang was in a state of collapse before launching its service and thus jeopardising a £450 million nicker investment - due Israel’s kikester-run government typically denying the company use of the 4.8 megahertz frequency and bandwidths it required to operate.

Acting in his capacity as the international Middle East peace envoy, the slimy Bliar helped to save the company by spending months putting pressure on Israel’s prime minister Binman Nuttyahoo, and his fellow scumbag criminal elite occupying the Knesset, in a bid to change their minds.

A joint investigation undertaken by the Scandalmongers Gazette and the Daily Shitraker revealed Bliar spoke of the need to get Wank Phone up and running in order to protect the investment of the US-based JP Morgan investment bank that employs him as a ‘do sweet fuck all’ consultant – and makes regular contributions to the outlaw state’s coffers.
Apparently JP Morgan has a massive exposure in the form of a £450 million quid financial stake in Wank Phone through the Qatari ruling family’s communications division Kunt-Tel.

Financial documents reveal that JP Morgan (a part of the Rothshite crime syndicate empire) was one of four mandated lead arrangers of a $2 billion bucks loan with which Kunt-Tel bought Wank Phone from its original Kuwaiti owners – the ruling Al Shitt clan.
Last year the bank joined a syndicate of banksters that lent Kunt-Tel a further $500 million bucks, and became a ‘lead arranger’ for a Kunt-Tel bond issue which raised yet another $1.5 billion of funny money out of thin air.

Ms Candida Fuctifino, Blair’s official spokeswoman, yesterday went into customary denial mode when informing frenzied press hacks that her boss had no knowledge of any connection between JP Morgan and Kunt-Tel or Wank Phone – even though Bliar Associates counts the ruling families of Qatar and Kuwait among its clients.

Conversely, one Knesset- based whistleblower working for Ox-Rat, the international snitch and grassers watchdog on official graft and corruption, revealed that Bliar’s lobbying campaign had directly enriched the family of the Palestinian Authority President, Mahmoud Abbas as a company owned by his scumbag son Tarek has secured a lucrative mega-shekels contract to provide advertising for Wank Phone.

Bliar and his slack-jawed spouse Cherie now face calls to publish full details of their myriad tax-dodging business interests that have netted him a personal fortune estimated to be at least £15 million quid since he left office and commenced his current career as an international influence peddler in bed with most of the Mid-East’s ruling nepotistic kleptocrats.

However this is all part and parcel of Bliar’s glittering prizes ‘reward’ from the Rothshite Illuminati kikester crime syndicate for his 110% cooperation in committing the UK to the illegal invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq, forwarding the New World Order ‘total surveillance’ agenda by blaming the 7/7 London Tube terrorist attacks on hapless Muslims - and sanctioning the ‘assissted suicide’ of Dr David Kelly before he spouted any more home truths concerning weapons of mass distraction.

Bliar receives an annual stipend of £2 million quid from JP Morgan, and the same again from insurance giant Zurich – plus the offshore tax haven stashed income from his own private consulting firm, Tony Bliar Associates – whose client list reads like a Who’s Who of the eternally-condemned captives of Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell.

David Davis, a senior Tory backbencher, and MP for Old Scrotum, opined to the gutter press “There are now clear questions about how Bliar has abused his powers as a peace envoy and how much this has benefited his commercial sponsors.”
“Bliar needs to lay out all his nefarious financial affairs in the public domain for scrutiny, for only then can we ascertain if he has behaved in an appropriately honest manner – which he never did while Prime Minister.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a corruption-infested area and may contain traces of nepotism, graft and moral turpitude.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.