Chief Plod Issues ASBO Warning

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Britain’s Chief Inspector of Constabulary, Sir Dinsdale O’Scrunt, today informed a reporter from the Scumbags Gazette that some Plod Squads in England and Wales were already responding too slowly to harassment calls from vulnerable people - thus cutting police budgets - and hence efforts to fight anti-social behaviour - would be a very significant mistake for Western civilisation in general.

When asked to elucidate which sector of society he was actually referring to when he mentioned ‘vulnerable people’ Sir Dinsdale candidly replied that this category cut a broad swathe through the public domain and could include Dunblane school kids, G20 demonstrators, Brazilian electricians, and anyone who wasn’t armed with more weapons than the local Asbo Gangs around Scally Alley – or the police.

CI O’Scrunt’s warning comes in a wide-ranging review of how well forces tackle anti-social behaviour, backed up by a survey of more than a dozen people. He claimed officers did not take anti-social behaviour seriously due the fact they had been brainwashed into accepting it didn’t actually constitute a real crime – until someone got stabbed, shot or set on fire.

Nine out of the twelve people questioned in the survey told Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIC) that as far as they were concerned, as taxpayers, the police should be responsible for dealing with anti-social behaviour due the fact that if the public formed vigilante lynch mobs to solve the problem then they’d get hit with harassment cautions and possibly a community service order.

More than a third of those who had experienced anti-social behaviour problems from pissy-arsed yobs and scallies in town centres at night had changed their routines, such as having a lock-in and staying in the pub until the next morning.
Seven out of 10 people said they had experienced intimidation after ‘having a go’ and standing up to bullies - rising to more than nine out of 10 where the victim was disabled – due being belted over the bonce and knees with a baseball bat or tyre iron – or their own Zimmer frame.

Sir Dinsdale further warned that “If public spending cuts force the police to neglect the yobster behaviour problem, then that could tip some areas into an even worse accelerated spiral of economic and social decline. Of course, the expelled Labour government can claim responsibility for the former - along with Slaggie Thatcher’s catastrophic de-industrialisation policies – and the Tavistock Institute’s brainchild – the Common Purpose political correctness cult - for the latter.”

“However, in all fairness to Julia Middleton’s little NLP brainwashing club with their mantras and mesmeric sound bites - hope, change, reform - generating unthinking acquiescence, the break up of nationalistic pride and the family unit - and the halt to the disciplining of kids - actually kick started in the 1960’s with the rise of immigration and the Greedy Grocer supermarket chains which brought about the rapid and sad extinction of the established and cherished High Street traders and too, the utter destruction of cultural diversity throughout the UK.”
“This is what they are setting out to do in their grand New World Order plan – create the breathing space for, and encourage the evolution of, a wholly dysfunctional youth society to provide the venue for introducing – then enforcing – a total control society al la Huxley, Kafka and Orwell.”

“The establishment’s purposely killing the age of innocence - with their sex education lessons starting at 5-years old – corrupting core moral values. Then we have this availability of narcotic drugs – supplemented by prescribed psychotropic drugs to curb ‘aggressive’ behaviour – your Ritalins and Prozacs – and all this hype concerning cheap plonk and booze encouraging binge drinking in youths, and promoting anti-social behaviour.”

"Police chiefs across our once sceptred isle of Albion freely admit they are deeply aware of the impact of anti-social and bully boy behaviour – such as evidenced by the sadistic actions of their own officers in the cases of Sgt Delboy Smellie vs Nicola of the Fisher family (2009 G20 protest); PC Simon Harwood vs Ian, late of the Tomlinson family (RIP); and Sgt Mark Andrews (now jailed) vs 59-year old Pamela of the Somerville family."

The wizened O’Scrunt continued “So, just imagine, if this is what happens at legitimate G20 demonstrations – with young girls and innocent news vendors getting beaten with Asps and punched – and murdered by our own officers – and too in our very own police stations with senior citizens being dragged across the floor and thrown violently into cells head-first, what are these yobs on the streets capable of, I ask you?”

“I mean, if this is what our own supercilious coppers are up to after graduating from these dodgy taxpayer-funded Common Purpose ‘leadership’ and ‘perception management’ courses – this last one being a euphemism for lies and propaganda - then what do you think the gangs of yobs and scallies out on the streets are doing? Total fucking anarchy and mayhem, mark my words. That’s why we need more real plods to reinforce our ranks, not less like this clot Cameron and his mate Oddbourne are planning.”

“So who do we need to sort the anti-social conduct problem out really, when a street gang’s prison-depleted ranks are simply restored with a cyclic recruitment of young yobs? Old style coppers who’ll take no guff and dish out a good clout round the ear or a kick in the arse? Bring back the Peelers, and the birch and hanging? Resurrect the likes of PC George Dockson of Green Dick? The Bill? Z-Cars? The Thin Blue Line? The Sweeny? I mean to say, would the likes of The Bill’s Sgt Fellattia Titwank or Inspector Raymond Fowler frighten off the Southwark Scrotum Rippers or the Tottenham Mandem or a bunch of drug-crazed Yardies armed to the teeth with machetes and Uzis?”

“What we need to expand and toughen up our ranks is more Feet on the Street coppers who are ex-military – and not these poofters with a PCSO hi-viz stab vest on - or the lard-arsed traffic wardens cum Community Enforcement snoops and snitches. We want Slackwater XE mercenary types – put them out there scalp-hunting on piecework with a bounty on the die-hard yobsters – then they have to do the job to get paid. Wanted – dead or alive – that’s the way to get value for money and save time piss-arsing around in a Magistrate’s court doling out Asbo’s and community service orders.”

“This Libservative coalition needs reminding that if they do slash the police budget then we might not be able to cure stupid but we can vote it out of office come the next election. Mind you we already did that in May with Broon and and his gang of Labour clots – and ended up with Dumb and Dumber.”

Thought for the day: Common Purpose is a social engineering cult posing as a do-gooder charity that uses neuro-linguistic programming to brainwash its victims and negatively modify their mental and emotional behaviour so they are conditioned to believe they’re leadership quality material, ready to run the New World Order’s Dystopian nightmare - and are not to be confused with Common Porpoise – a ‘genuine’ registered charity that caters for distressed pelagic mammals of the dolphin genus.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.