Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill.
Bespoke satire, crafted to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the bloodline of the sons of Belial.
Mr Ghaban Ibn Himar, the lawyer for a star-crossed Lebanese gentleman, Manuke bin Khara, who has been found guilty and sentenced to death in the 14th Century basket case Kingdom of Saudi Arabia for diabolical acts of ‘witchcraft’, has appealed for international help to save his hapless client.
Mr. bin Khara was the host of the popular Lebanese TV show 'Fortune Nookie' in which he predicted the future and gave all kinds of dodgy clairvoyant advice – which nobody but the moronic Saudis would ever take seriously.
He was arrested by the Saudi Manky Mutaween religious police on ‘sorcery charges’ while performing the holy Hajj pilgrimage to Mecca and Medina in the barbaric backward kingdom of flea-infested hypocrites in 2008.
His lawyer, Mr Ibn Himar, has been informed by the Saudi Ministry for Cruelty that bin Kahara is due to be executed this week – weather permitting.
There has been no official confirmation from the Ministry of Barbarism, but executions in the kingdom are often carried out with little warning – and quite often even without a trial – once the executioner has honed his scimitar to a satisfactory degree of neck-severing sharpness.
According to the Dark Ages Gazette, Mr Manuke bin Khara did make a confession, but Mr Ibn Himar claims he only did so due the fact he had been advised by his extraordinary rendition interrogator Colonel Bala’a il A’air Sharmuta, one of the Mutaween’s top ranking career sadists, that he would stop treading on his scrotum and could go home once he signed on the dotted line.
Human rights and wrongs groups have accused the intellectually-challenged Saudis of "sanctioning a literal witch hunt by the Mutaween religious police".
Regardless, an Egyptian working as a pharmacist in Saudi Arabia was executed in 2007 after having been found guilty of using witchcraft to try to 'separate' a married couple who had become 'stuck' together during an all-night dogging session at a secluded oasis.
In addition, a Saudi woman remains on death row after being sentenced for the crime of witchcraft last year when she concocted and sold magic potions for a man to re-grow his excised foreskin after he claimed jacking off just wasn’t the same without it – apparently a foul Islamic sin.
However, there is no legal definition of witchcraft in Saudi Arabia, simply what the brain dead Mutaween classify as ‘not very halal’ - but horoscopes, ouija boards, Tarot cards, tea leaves, the I-Ching and fortune telling in any shape or form – just like alcohol and porno mag’s - are condemned as very un-Islamic and ‘Haram’ with a capital H.
Nevertheless, there is still an unhealthy thirst for such forbidden services in the country where widespread animism, pagan beliefs and superstitions infect the camel-jockeying peasants from the cradle to grave and survive under the hypocritical veneer of strict religious orthodoxy.
Lebanese Justice Minister Uzi bin Woozy told a reporter from the Philistines Gazette in Beirut "I hope that the ranking Saudi authorities realise this and similar offences are not dealt with by severing a hand or beheading in civilised countries and they will reflect that other nations might view their strict code of Islamic discipline to be applicable to Saudi nationals when they travel abroad and get arrested for being drunk and gambling and whoring after a hard day’s shoplifting - or beating their servants to death for not answering the phone."
* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were beheaded while posting this message. However, a large number of fatwa’s were issued by incensed mullahs.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.
Thought for the day: If a bear shits in a mosque’s Holy of Holies will it get slapped with a funny Fatwa?
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.
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