Saturday, 10 April 2010

NATO Admits US Khataba Grand Snafu

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – crafted to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries born of the bloodline of the sons of Belial.

US Delta Dork ‘Special Forces’ thugs dug bullets out of the bodies of their innocent Afghani civilian victims in the sanguine aftermath of a totally fucked up night raid before telling some monstrous porkie pies to their superiors about what really happened.

Three pregnant women, several teenage girls, an entire playpen full of babies and toddlers – plus an off-duty police officer and his wheelbarrow mechanic brother were riddled by indiscriminate gunfire on April 1st when US and Afghan special forces stormed their home in the remote Khataba village - several miles from the township of Twat-al-Scat - in Bellend Province.
The family had more than 25 party guests on the night of the attack, as well as three musicians from the Kabul Philharmonic Orchestra, to celebrate the naming of a newborn child.

The claims were made as NATO finally admitted responsibility for all the deaths at a press conference yesterday, after initially stating that the women had committed suicide and been dead for several hours when the marauding assault force had discovered their bodies by pure chance.

The gospel according to Colonel Seymour Weaselstein, the NATO spokesman from the 23rd Whitewash & Coverups Corp, stated "Despite earlier reports we have determined that the women were accidentally killed as a result of the stupid Afghan contingent of the joint force firing at the policeman and his brother whom they mistook for al Qaeda terrorists due it being dark"

Following the slaughter the coalition continued to deny that there had been a cover-up and claimed that its legal investigation, which was ongoing, had found no real evidence of inappropriate conduct – apart from several dead bodies belonging to non-combatant types – such as pregnant women, babies and five-year old toddlers.

The Kabul headquarters of General Billy Bob McKruntt, the commander of US and NATO forces, now admit that the women had been "tied up, gagged, then gang raped and killed by the Afghan special forces contingent belonging to the 14th Goat Shaggers Brigade".

A senior Afghan official involved in the government investigation told a reporter from the Warmongers Gazette "I think the special forces lied to General McKruntt."
“When it comes to trigger happy morons, these chickenhawks don’t so much shoot first and ask questions later – they just shoot – and fuck the questions!

The Afghan official, who asked not to be named until the results of the investigation have been made public, (Mohammed bin Grasser) further stated that the assault force sealed off the compound from 22:00 hours – the time the raid started - to 11:00 hours the following day - when Afghan medical and police officials from Twat-al-Scat were finally allowed access to the house – which also acted as a pawnshop - and the local police station.

NATO promised a joint forensic investigation in a statement issued after the raid, but Rear Admiral Morton Thort-Nott, the coalition’s director of communications in Afghanistan, said that this had proved impossible because the bodies were buried the same day in accordance with Islamic custom and that the house had since been accidentally hit by a not very smart bomb from a Predator drone which mistook the building for a uranium enrichment plant.

In a statement earlier today Colonel Weaselstein announced "We deeply regret the outcome of this operation. The force went to the compound based on compromised information that it was a tip top brothel with some of the best five dollar whores in Bellend Province – only to discover there was no cold beer and all the music and dancing were centred around the naming of a new-born baby.”

“Well, hellfire – this is a war zone you know and just another fuck-up in a long line of similar fuck-ups. Twenty years from now no bugger's gonna remember what happened – are they?”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

No comments: