SA ‘Sanitised’ for FIFA World Cup

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – providing living proof that this has simply gotta be April Fool’s Day.

Zillions of homeless Bantu peasants are being forced off the streets of South Africa by bulldozers and at police gunpoint to hide the scale of the country’s abject poverty and social chaos from the curious, critical eyes of visiting World Cup tourista soccer fans.

The economic mayhem that lies at the root of this problem is a direct result of mismanagement caused by the dystopian nightmare that poses as the inept excuse for a kleptocratic government headed by the polygamist career criminal President Jacob Chuckabutty Zuma.

To date more than 8000 assorted tramps, beggars, street urchins, unemployed Juju men, banana straighteners, coconut jugglers and child prostitutes have already been removed from Johannesburg and sent to remote settlements hundreds of miles away in the lion and hyena infested region of the Augrabies National Park on the Namibian border - armed only with a panga each and several copies of the ever popular African survival handbook - Cannibalism for Dummies.

In Cape Town, where England will face Algeria on June 18th up to 3000 socially disaffected gollies have been moved to the remote Ginger Bikkiesdork camp where 1,450 families are crammed into a drought-striken settlement of eco-build Konzentrationslager tin huts designed for just 650 people and bordered with razor wire – but far enough away from civilisation (sic) so no-one can hear their whingeing – or screams.

However Johannesburg councillor Septic Jaffacake was unrepentant, telling the Genocide Gazette "Homelessness and begging are big problems in the city," "You have to clean your house before you have foreign guests – especially honky soccer fan types who are paying £5,000 quid apiece for the FIFA World Cup tour.”

The South African government is desperate to cast their country in a positive light to attract tourist trade and foreign investment despite the fact it is actually an even worse total Third World basket case shithole since the abolition of apartheid and assumption of black power rule – with a soaring crime rate, drug use and the HIV crisis affecting almost everyone and their dog.

Alas more extreme worries plague the government in relation to the forthcoming FIFA World Cup tournaments beside soccer fans being harassed, bilked and robbed by homeless street scallies and bubble-butted Hottentot whores.

The threat emanates from radical militant members of Zuma’s political opposition which include the Congress of the People and the Democratic Alliance – both led by the messianic Reverend Yodcocca Tadpole – who is threatening to target the World Cup team players and spectators with indiscriminate bombings and shootings – plus the odd traditional assegai beheading - to draw attention to the misgovernment of the Zuma regime and the plight of marginalised native Bantus.

Are you planning to visit South Africa to watch the FIFA World Cup? Are you fully insured? Have you bought an ex-Army flack jacket or PCSO stab vest yet? Did you know FIFA are marketing a novel line of 100% Kevlar ‘World Cup SA 2010 Tour’ t-shirts – in genuine ‘honky white’ or pre-bloodstained?

* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange declaration: No Bantu beggars or homeless street people were relocated in posting this message. However a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a homeless Bantu takes a shit in the soccer pitch’s penalty area and the referee doesn’t spot him, will it still be classed as a foul – or offside?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.