Saturday, 24 April 2010

Marmite: Sinister Connections to BNP

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Unilever, the manufacturer of the national favourite toast finger spread ‘Marmite’ is threatening legal action against the British National Party to stop it from using a jar of their piquant culinary salve in a party broadcast and on their campaign posters.

Sir Irwin Fuctifino, CEO of Unilever, informed a reporter from the Daily Shitraker the company had not given the BNP permission to use its product in any way, shape or form and was in contact with Upshot, Bagrot & Shitpot (Solicitors & Commissioners of Oaths) to pursue the issuance of a High Court injunction.

However in their defence BNP spokesman Ghengis Tourettes told Fux News the broadcast was created as a spoof.
“Yeah right, they can be a bunch of effin’ snotty twats if they like but it’s good advertisin’ fer the kunts innit, eh – an’ we did send ‘em a Very Sorrygramme.”

“Wot we woz tryin’ ter do like woz ter tap inter Marmite's "Love it or Hate it" advertising slogan – cos that wot some of these upper class dildos think of us – either love us or ‘ate us – but just wait til Al Qaeda blows their effin’ ‘ouse up – or their daughter gets gang-raped by a bunch of gollies, then they’ll all be votin’ fer the BNP ter come an’ sort all this immigration shit out.”

Conversely Unilever spokeswoman Fellattia McGammer informed Pox News "Neither Marmite nor any other Unilever brand – such as our KY Jelly or Preparation H products - are aligned to any political party.”
"Further we are currently initiating injunction proceedings against the BNP to remove the Marmite jar from the online broadcast and their election campaign posters, and prevent them from using it on any future occasion."

“Good God, it’s taken us a generation just to get the floods of Pikey immigrant types to try our Marmite and acquire a taste for it, and now that might be threatened by our perceived association with a bunch of scumbag political racists and xenophobic misanthropic thugs.”

“We experienced a similar problem some years ago when the perving sodomites from the Gaylord Liberation Front Party used a jar of our best Marmite spread on one of their publicity posters and plagiarised our advertising slogan coupled to the statement “Anal Sex – you either Love it or Hate it.”

Do you love it or hate it? – Marmite, not anal sex. Okay, how about anal sex? Is any member of your family a Marmite addict? Do they snort it, smoke it, or inject it in their arm? Have they ever undergone a Marmite detox’ or tried the Aussie Vegemite substitute?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If a bear shit in a jar of Marmite would anyone notice the difference?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.

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