Friday, 9 April 2010

NY’s Finest Terrify Subway Commuters

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry on the bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Large numbers of the human herd who maintain active telemetry between more than two brain cells and use the New York City subway on a regular weekday basis, are wondering whether the presence of machine gun-toting plods belonging to NY’s Finest in the city's subway tunnels is really a required or measured response to last week’s Metro bombings in ‘Moscow’.

"I think it's all a pile of Big Brother posturing to get folks used to having cops sticking guns in our faces," Billy Bob Budweiser, a tourist from Shitty Hawk, North Carolina, opined to the Totalitarians Gazette. "Fer fuck’s sake the attack happened in Russia – on the other side of the world and had nothing to do with us – unless Barky O’Barmy’s gone and upset the Chechens too.”

Candida Muffitch, a 14-year old Brooklyn schoolgirl, and mother of three, described the police response as excessive.
"Hey, fer Christ's sake it’s Easter this weekend, and you have families with young kids on the subway – and these uniformed Gestapo pricks are smashing open chocolate eggs to see if they have any explosive fillings.”

“I mean, why are the people with jobs in this country paying so much in taxes when all we get in return are these arrogant, swaggering morons in blue uniforms with the IQ of a goldfish.”

Bleary-eyed New Yorkers began their crack-of-dawn work week’s commuting with a morning rush hour that featured cocksure strutting city cops in full military battle gear, including helmets, goggles, body armour, coffee, donuts, sidearms and M16 assault rifles.

One sleepy straphanger travelling to Jersey told Fux news “When I see cops kitted out with sub machine guns I get very nervous. These morons can’t hit what they’re aiming at with a handgun so what kind of ‘collateral damage’ are they gonna do with an Armalite M16 or a 1,000 round per minute Ingram 9 mm parabellum SMG if they decide to go into panic mode and let rip on auto?”
“When it comes to trigger happy, these chickenhawks don’t so much shoot first and ask questions later – they just shoot – and fuck the questions!

NYPD Deputy Commissioner Sheldon Weasleberger told one reporter from the First Strike Review “Maybe the recent attacks did take place in Russia, but these Jolly Jihad Shaheed were behind the Madrid train station false flag bombings and those MI6 / Mossad joint venture London Tube Train suicide bombings too – and we believe their next target is the New York subway system.”

“We’re on the lookout for any fucker who looks remotely like a one-eyed, hook-handed Muslim crazy – or some bomb-toting suicide Fatima kitted out with a pair of 38CC boob bombs and disguised as a Brazilian electrician.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

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