Saturday, 24 April 2010

Lib-Dums to Give Vote to Serial Killers

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

One Labour candidate MP up for re-election has got himself embroiled in a no-brainer row with the Liberal Dumocrats after daring to suggest they would give war criminals, serial killers, mass murderers, swan-roasting Pikeys and and kiddie fiddling paedophiles – including Catholic priests - the right to vote – as long as it was for the Lib-Dums.

Roger Gobsniff, who is standing as MP for Birminghamstan East, distributed leaflets embellished with a picture of Vlad the Impaler, who was renown for abusing children and barbequing babies for his traditional ‘full Transylvanian’ breakfast.

The leaflets distributed by Gobsnot raised the idiotic question: "Do you want convicted murderers, rapists and paedophiles to be given the vote? The Lib-Dums do".
Gobshite defended the move, claiming the images were strong but his opponents were not being straight with the public – in perfect keeping with what politicians do when dealing up close and personal with their constituents.

Conversely the Lib-Dums claim they would not give those currently in prison the vote as they simply couldn’t justify a bunch of convicted crooks voting for another bunch of crooks.
However, they stressed the issue needed to be re-examined following a 2005 ruling by the European Court of Rights and Wrongs that found the UK's ban on extending the vote to convicted scallies and dungeon dwellers was actually unlawful.

MP Globsnot’s leaflets contained pictures of a number of high-profile historical criminals including arch-homophobe Robert Rhubarbie, Atilla the Hun, notorious nanny-basher Lord ‘Lucky’ Lucan, Ghengis Khan, Idi Amin, David Blindgit, Israeli PM Binman Nuttyahoo, Jack and Jill - the celebrity Rippers, and Adolf Eichmann of the ‘Six Million Kikester Holohoax’ scam – who was eventually jailed on a charge of aggravated shoplifting from Mrs. Blabberstein’s 7/11 store in Buenos Aires.

New Labour’s Ministry of Foot Dragging have been scrying with their most reliable ouija board on how to respond to the European Court’s 2005 ruling - since 2005 - with Lib-Dum critics accusing them – with no similie intended - of ‘dragging their feet’.

The Lib-Dum leader Nick Clogg told one reporter from the prestigious Diebold Ballot Tamperer's Gazette that they were "unhappy" with Mr Gobsnotter’s accusations but were not pursuing a political agenda to give already convicted prisoners the right to vote, describing such a step as ‘hopscotch in a legal minefield’.

Clogg further explained that the ‘prisoner voting rights’ was the only bit of campaign controversy their think tank could come up with – apart from teasing the Tories with the old “Our Chief Whip’s bigger than your Chief Whip” trick – or pulling a major tergiversation stunt by getting Ming Campbell – the oldest politician in the known Universe -to defect to the Incredible Loopy Lemmings Party and go over the cliff in a Busby Berkeley spectacular fashion.

In contrast, Tory leader Posh Dave Cameron, who is going flat out like a lizard drinking to promote the benefits of voting for his novel Good Ideas Party told Pox News “Well, if they’ll cast their ballot for us then I don’t see any problem with giving a bunch of locked up scallies and Asbo types the vote.”

Unfortunately the last bloke to have a ‘good idea’ concerning what should be done with Parliament and its human (sic) infestations was that great Yorkshireman of letters - Guy Fawkes Esq. – who ended up getting frazzled at the stake for his trouble.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and / or squirrel.

Thought for the day: If a bear shits in a designated ‘no-crap’ area of the woods is it automatically barred from voting?

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