EUSSR Snoopers Invade UK

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

British citizens face being subjected to secret 'Big Brother' spying missions by the Stasi police forces of other EUSSR states.
Even though on it’s last mortal legs the Labour Party is still supporting plans for a dramatic expansion in the powers available to fellow member states who accuse British nationals of committing even the most minor crimes while visiting their countries.

Under the draconic and dystopian terms of the dodgy Treaty of Lisbon (thank the Paddies for that one) other countries will have the right to demand surveillance of a UK resident who has returned home, and access to his or her bank records.
They could also be entitled to demand British police take a suspect's DNA or other samples – fingerprints, tissue, blood, hair, urine, stool, semen, saliva or sputum – probably all in the same sample jar.

Civil liberties groups across the continent are furious at the tyrannical proposals, designed to bolster the controversial new EUSSR Evidence Warrant - a partner to the deeply controversial EUSSR Arrest Warrant.

Cases to which the despotic arrest warrants have been applied include the numpty instance of a Smegmadale-on-Sea football fan accused of the 'theft of a 5 zloty dessert' in a Polish cafe as he refused to pay for a custard tart after discovering a dark pubic hair poking out of the filling.

Under the proposed new regime, such a person could be placed under surveillance or have his bank records accessed to check that he had paid for the poxy pube-infested dessert, according to EUSSR critics.

Minutes of a parliamentary committee show Labour is wholeheartedly backing the idea, with Home Office minister Chlamydia Mingerot telling Fux News: 'We support any and all moves to slap the handcuffs on scallies operating within the EUSSR zone – even if they are British and do get extradited and end up in some shithole of a Polish dungeon with a bunch of Slavic sodomites for five years due non-payment for a custard pie in a Cracow café.”

Last night Tory shadow justice minister Fellattia van der Gobble informed a reporter from the Totalitarian Gazette: 'Giving states which do not afford citizens the same legal protections as the UK the right to demand DNA samples, intercept communications or snoop on the personal data of British citizens is a worrying development – especially if you’re guilty as hell – but it’s one we’ll have to go along with now we’re governed out of Brussels.”

“However, it’s pretty obvious that for the EUSSR and the New World Order’s totalitarian state system to work then they’ve got to have full control and forget pissing around with all this namby-pamby stuff about personal dignity and privacy – and the old threadbare maxim of innocent until proven guilty.”

“Remember that these plans are being fully supported by that monocular porridge wog Gordon, who’s still squatting at No 10 Downing Street – until May 6th anyway.”
“Labour’s supporting this proposal and showing its relish for surveillance and disdain for civil liberties because they really believe they’re going to get re-elected in May.”

The new evidence warrant will allow bent magistrates or judges in one corrupt Mafiosa-run state - like Italy - to authorise searches of a person's property in another state, and demand the seizure of anything that might be construed as evidence or of pawn shop cash-in value.

Now a European Commission Red Paper proposes going much further by enabling authorities in any member state to engage in 'real time' interception of communications in another EUSSR state, monitor a person's bank account and bowel movements – and demand DNA or fingerprints.

Currently, under the tried and tested best of British law, police may only require a DNA sample from a suspect who is under arrest and being investigated for a serious enough offence to warrant a long jail term – such as double parking, shoplifting, using the incorrect wheelie bin to dump garbage, non-payment of council tax – or mass murder.

In 2009 an excess of 14,000 warrants were issued across Europe, with 351 people extradited from the UK alone to face charges in Poland - of stealing custard tarts.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If you discovered a bunch of alien pubic hairs growing out of your custard tart would you refuse to pay for it?