Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Pope Taunted by Phallic Totem on Malta Trip

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Pope Benny, the all-new German built-to-last Mk XVI Panzer model, has met alleged victims of sexual abuse by their personal ‘spiritual mentor’ priests in Malta, stating to anyone wiling to listen to his hypocritical bullshit that the Church will do all in its power to punish kiddie fiddlers and provide a lifetime’s supply of psychiatric counselling – plus large size economy tubes of Preparation H - to sexual abuse victims.

The Pope also "expressed his shame and sorrow that Catholic priests had been so stupid to think with their cocks instead of their brains and get caught porking underage choirboys in the vestry.

A score of paedophile priests and nympho' nuns have been accused of sexually abusing children – whom they referred to as ‘Our Maltesers’ at the St Sodom’s Orphanage for Latter Day Catamites in Valetta - since the time of the Crusades and up to the present date.

The gospel according to one Vatican statement claims that "The Holy Father met a small group of persons who were used as ‘bum fodder’ by priests and ‘toy boys’ and lesbian ‘Lick Me’ slaves by the convent nuns.”
"Pope Benny prayed with them during a private audience and presented each one with a large cashier’s cheque to ensure their future silence – only making passing mention that any further publicity could result in excommunication – and a midnight visit from his Men in Black – St Ignatius Loyola’s Jesuit assassins.

On Saturday, to celebrate Pope Benny’s 83rd birthday, he was greeted outside President Gahba F’xalata Haemorrhoid’s San Anton Palace residence by several thousand children chanting ‘F'oxx il liba Vatikan’ (Fuck the Vatican) then singing the ever-popular ‘Mur hudu f'sormok’ (Up your Holy Arse) - before being bombarded with hails of bricks, stones and condoms filled with ripe goatshit.

Pope Benny who is making a pilgrimage to the Mediterranean island in the ancient footsteps of St Paul, has been steered well clear of the small town of Luqa where a huge phallic sculpture has been ‘erected’ (sic) to embarrass the Pontiff as a reminder of what kiddie fiddling crimes his priests have been committing with impunity for centuries.

The Mayor of Luqa, Guido Tosspotti, described the priapic art work as vulgar and embarrassing, stating it should be ripped down as a sign of respect for Pope Benny and not cause him any further embarrassment than he already has to shoulder.

However the ‘Cockonna Mediterranea’ as the huge ten meter vertical prick has been christened(sic) was created by local artist Dorkus Dobberotti and has been on show in the town of Luqa since the pederasty scandal broke in 2009.

Conversely the Maltese President, Dr Lawrence Gonzo, an ex-Muppet Show performer, informed a reporter from the Iconoclasts Gazette that the brightly-coloured phallus was a modern representation of a symbol dating back to ancient Egypt and was a work of art – and that the government has no plans to remove it just to save the Pontiff a red face.

Sister Dildodo, the Mother Superior of Luqa’s ‘Sacred Sapphic Convent for Latter Day Dykes’ told a reporter from the Strapon Gazette that “It is a disgrace and a temptation of the flesh for my nuns and novices to gaze upon this abomination of a giant Godemiche. No wonder thay cannot control their passions.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

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