Bonkers Boris Queers Posh Dave’s Pitch

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the sons of Belial.

What kicked off as a perfect photo opportunity to provide Tory leader Posh David Cameron with a popularity ‘Man of the People’ boost as he headed out along the election campaign trail, got sort of ‘fucked up’ by someone’s moronic idea of inviting the Mayor of London, Bonkers Boris Nonsense, to tag along.

During a visit to Warmonger Hamlets with Posh Dave yesterday, Bonkers Boris decided to pull his usual trick and open mouth before engaging brain.
The two were drinking tea with a gang of decomposing Chelsea Pensioners as Cameron explained his proposals for every 16-year-old to have the opportunity to do Citizen Service when Mayor Nonsense stuck his oar in and declared "I think you should make it compulsory, Dave."

“We can get all the druggies and unemployed oiks and yobs and chavs and hoodies - and anyone else who didn’t go to Eton and Oxford and pass 28 A-Levels and get more degrees than a thermometer – and we press-gang the strutting lazy lot of them into two years – minimum - of compulsory national citizen service – on a real meanies Third World pay scale too.”

Posh Dave, whose appointment with Destiny seems to be permanently postponed due his political ambitions being far beyond the scope of his actual abilities, has previously drawn criticism over his proposed plans to evolve a Stalinesque ‘Big Society’ and implement the formation of a ‘Neighbourhood Army’ – composed of unemployed teenage snitches, grassers and snoops – if the British public are stupid enough to vote the Tory Party back into power after all the de-industrialisation damage they did from 1980 to 1997.

Posh Dave, the type of person who thinks wood grows on trees, took the bait and exercised his democratic right to talk and act like a fool by responding to the Mayor's suggestion that teenagers participating in the scheme could enjoy some foreign travel when they were assigned to the armed forces.
“The MoD are really keen to get involved and will definitely need a steady stream of fresh recruits to replace the ones who keep getting sent home in body bags – especially when we declare war on Iran later this year.”

While the Tories generally view Bonkers Boris as a campaign asset, and Cameron as the Tories ‘only hope’ from amongst the other deadwood and fossils infesting the Conservative benches of the House of Conmans, critics and the political opposition have been quick to illustrate that both suffer from the Top Dog Syndrome and expend countless time and effort in repeatedly cocking a leg to re-mark their individual threatened territory.

According to Tessa Bowell, New Labour’s ginger minger London Minister – a vehement critic of Bonkers Boris since he was elected Mayor – he is simply a ‘master of self-magnification with shit for brains’ – while she unkindly labels Posh Dave as ‘a frog who dreams of being a toad’.

Talking to a reporter from the Scandalmongers Gazette while on her way to Italy to visit her incarcerated husband in Rome’s El Scumbaggo Prison - where he is serving 20 years for accepting bribes from the Italian Premier Slithero Corruptioni - Bowells opined “Really, who wants a career snob like Cameron running the country, patronising everyone? It’s always ‘us and them’ with him – ‘rich and poor’ – and ‘people like you and people like me'. My God, what a knobhead."

Regardless of Ms Bowell’s venom, Ghengis McTwat, the 18-year old General Secretary of the Young Scallies Union, informed a reporter from the Daily Shitraker “Posh Dave might well think Bonkers Boris’s suggestion to make two years of community service compulsory is a great idea but just watch what our 18-plus members do at the polls on May 6th - that’s where we’ll show him what we think of his shitty Big Brother scheme by voting for the BNP’s Nazis.”

Will you be voting for Posh Dave and his gang of upper class vulgarian snobs? Or a tactical vote for UKIP or the BNP – just to show all three major parties how much they are despised? Would you cast your vote for the first party that talks sense about what the British public really want and guarantees an unconditional one-off referendum on continued membership of the hated EUSSR? Or would you cast a Tory vote if Bonkers Boris promised to get his hair cut?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

Thought for the day: If Bonkers Boris wears a big hat will people mistake him for the Pope?

Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist lobby.