Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Jordan hit by Massive Sense of Humour Failure

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry on the bloodline of the sons of Belial.

Zenat Ibn Hamar, Mayor of the town of Jaffacake in the shithole desert wastelands that constitute eastern Jordan, is contemplating suing the Amman-based Daily Scaremonger newspaper over an April Fools' Day report claiming that a giant UFO piloted by aliens from outer space had landed in the car park of the McD’s Camel Burger franchise on Oasis Street.

The Daily Scaremonger’s front-page story on the 1st April declared that a flying saucer piloted by one meter tall green creatures had landed in Jaffacake and were snatching tasty-looking young children to barbeque at the McD’s outlet.

Mayor Ibn Hamar related that parents were so frightened they kept their children home from school that day and the local council almost evacuated the town's 13,000 residents before they started to fall victim to the cosmic cannibals.

“We called up the local military base and they dispatched a helicopter gunship to investigate, but as they couldn’t see any flying saucer in the McD’s car park they assumed it was like a Klingon vessel out of Star Trek and was using an invisibility ‘cloaking device’ - so they bombed the entire complex – just to be on the safe side.”

Hamas militia at the Palestinian refugee camp on the outskirts of Jaffacake joined the affray, wanting to exercise a first strike option before any of their kids were snatched and barbied by the alien menace.
Unfortunately the only one meter tall humanoid they could find was Mr Manuke Ali Khara, a Hobbit goat herder – who they promptly fed through their mobile garden waste shredder regardless of the fact he was more at brown-skinned than green – again, just to be on the safe side.

The Daily Scaremonger’s front page spoof reported that the dwarf aliens had arrived over Jordanian in flying saucers and had first decimated several mud hut villages before setting down at the McD’s outlet in Jaffacake, some 300 kilometres east of Amman – which also hinted at the fact the ‘spacecraft might just belong to Tel Aviv’s chickenhawk kikesters bent on yet another audacious land-grab and expanding their Greater Israel empire a bit further east.

Ghaban Ibn Zamel, the Daily Scaremonger’s managing editor, told Fux News the newspaper was simply having a bit of good natured fun on April Fools' Day, and had sincerely apologised for any inconvenience caused after a member of Hamas threw a grenade through the paper’s front window.

Mr Ibn Zamel related that Jaffacake was chosen as the butt of the joke as the area is notorious for its nearby military base that hosts US troops for joint training exercises - plus a very ‘inhuman’ Slackwater / XE extreme rendition centre, and experiences a mass of cacophonous night-time aerial traffic – which always reminds the editor of the Shitpot Mountain end segments of the Close Encounters movie.

“On reflection the effects of my little April Fool’s prank is so reminiscent of the 1938 War of the Worlds radio broadcast by Orson Smells which he formatted as an actual news report that Martians had landed at Grovers Mill in New Jersey and were slaughtering the human population to use as fertiliser for their crops of ‘red weed’ – a mood-altering substance when smoked after a dinner of barbequed human children.”

Seizing a perfect opportunity to stir up some shit and scandal against the Great Satan, human rights and wrongs groups claim the Orla Guerin military base at Jaffacake houses alleged al-Qaeda terrorists prior to them being transferred to Guantanamo Bay to convalesce and recover from their torture injuries.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and mis-spoken references.

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