UK Government Credibility vs Kelly Inquest

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The paramedic who confirmed the death of government weapons scientist Dr David Kelly has this week reiterated for the public record that his body had obviously been moved by a person or persons unknown after it was first discovered. David Bartlett was one of two medics summoned after the corpse of the weapons inspector was discovered in the Grassy Knoll Woods near his Oxfordshire home seven years ago.
The testimony by the experienced paramedics once again brings into doubt the thoroughness of, and entire fiasco surrounding the Mutton Inquiry – not only who ‘assisted’ in his suicide but more particularly raising questions about who moved the body – and why.

Paramedics Bartlett and Vanessa Hunt had just started their shift at Abingdon ambulance station when they received the emergency call at 9.40 am on that fateful morning. As they arrived at the Grassy Knoll Woods they found the area swarming with plods – all prancing around alike Mack Sennett’s Bangville Police in one of the Keystone Cops farcical burlesques.

Bartlett’s testimony reveals that the civilian volunteer searchers Louise Holmes and Paul Chapman who first found Kelly’s body the following morning stated it was leaning against a tree – but was lying flat on the ground when he and co-paramedic Vanessa Hunt arrived on the scene.

“Obviously some fucker or their dog had moved the body – which is a classical big no-no in any crime scene case. It was all really suspicious – like it had been arranged. As we approached the scene, it was obvious he was dead. He was lying flat out in the clearing with his bottle of water, knife and watch in line right next to his left arm. The left sleeve was rolled up but there was a marked absence of blood considering the slashed left wrist was claimed to be the cause of death. Really, I’ve seen more blood on a tampax than that supposed suicide scene.”
“We asked CID Inspector Fuctifino if the bloke had fallen out of the tree cos of all the bruises on his body that made it appear he might have - or some twat had given him a good thumping.”

The weapons inspector was found dead a week after he was outed as the source of BBC claims that the Government had sexed up a document (the dodgy Chalabi dossier) claiming Saddam Hussein’s Iraqi military forces could deploy weapons of mass distraction in 45 minutes – almost as fast as 10 Downing Street and Vauxhall Cross could dispatch a trio of MI6-hired assassins from Renta-Thug to the Grassy Knoll Woods.

Fortunately the Thames Valley police force had the prophetic foresight to establish a computer file on the search for Dr Kelly, codenamed Operation Mason, a half an hour before Kelly left his house for that fatal walk - and more than nine hours before he was actually reported missing.

So, we have the police commencing the search for Dr Kelly several hours before he even went missing, and summoned the paramedics to be among the first on the scene after Kelly was murdered and his assailants had fled. A fine piece of stellar detective work and organisation throughout.

Lord Mutton of Whitewash, during his inquiry, should have bestowed kudos on the Thames Valley Police for their perspicacity and diligence in the pre-organising the search – and who even displayed the exemplary diligence of going so far as to rip the wallpaper from Kelly’s study to ensure he hadn’t got trapped behind it.

Do you think Dr Kelly suffered from the Lazarus Syndrome and moved his own body after he was dead? Do you believe Attorney General Dominic Grieve will order a real inquest to investigate the truth of Dr Kelly’s demise – or will Hell freeze over first? Do you think the Home Office pathologist Nicholas Hunt is more full of shit than a Christmas goose and should get the Freddy Patel Award for Gross Incompetence?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.