Thursday, 31 January 2013

Dipshit Dobby takes the Tube

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Out and about around London for a glad-handing / meet the peasants one-off photo-op excursion after calling in at Harley Street’s Kwik-Fit branch to book Gorgonzilla, the Duchess of Cornhole, in for her annual MOT and a full Botox job of industrial strength vulcanising fluid to take the slack out of her arse and tits, Prince Chazzer and his chain-smoking troll of a royal consort were taken by aides for a ride on the Underground.

Wow! exclaims the pathetic media - it's not every day a British royal couple hop on the tube – but would any fucker or their dog bother with public transport if they had a bunch of serfs at hand to cart you around in the comfort of a sedan chair?

A first for Chazzer, he commented to TfL officials as he sat down, waving his senior citizen travel pass. “Good God – is this a new idea – just been built?” – not having a clue the ‘Tube’ system has been running for 150 years - with Gorgonzilla adding “I don’t know why women complain about this rush hour thingy, standing up and being squashed and groped by some perv' – lucky things – there’s plenty of room on here today and we got a seat quite easily.”

Yeah right, thanks to the close-in security poking MAC-10 Ingram machine pistols in the ribs of the other passengers – which attracted no end of attention from a pick n mix group of vulgar Bulgars and Romanian tourists getting the lie of the land ready for their mass economic-migrant invasion come December this year - when EUSSR work visa regulation expires and they can descend on our once-sceptred isle in their Biblical legions like the job-stealing Polaks who come over to sign on at the Jobcentre’s welfare benefits office then sod off impersonating plumbers for cash-in-hand bodge up repairs - and will make an even bigger fuck up of the British labour market – for the Brits - and the Chinese cockle pickers.

According to the Daily Shitraker, Gorgonzilla later confided that she actually used the underground quite often when in London, to pick up a couple of packs of duty-free Old Holborn rolling baccy from one of her smuggler mates over at Streatham. “Sod the HMRC oicks – like Pestco says ‘every little helps’.”

Obviously not too impressed with the concept of being on the underground, Chazzer whispered to the missus “I think we’ll be getting off before it reaches Stockwell Station, old girl. Wouldn’t do to be mistaken for a Brazilian electrician and get shot by those clots the Met Plod Squad employ for their trigger-happy SO19 Armed Response Unit.”
“Plus one doesn’t want to get blown up with a black pepper and peroxide bomb that one of MI6’s Mohammed al Patsy terrorist types has stashed under the carriage either, now does one.”

So that was it – the Royal Run – not quite the classical London to Brighton rail marathon dash, but a three minute duration single stretch between Farringdon and King’s Cross – where the Prince had everyone in stitches with his wry, public school humour and the comment “King’s Cross? – this is obviously where I get off”.

Walking along the platform with his entourage Chazzer attracted the attentions of a class of elementary school girls on a City outing – with some giggling as they waved, believing it was Dobby from the Harry Potter films – with others exchanging lewd ‘guilty by association’ comments over the red top gutter press tabloids being plastered with photos of him with the BBC’s celebrity kiddie fiddling DJ, Sir Jimbo Savile – and one six-year old asking “Mummy, Mummy, is that Noddy’s gay Brownie friend Big Ears?”

“No dear, that’s Prince Chazzer, the Royal Plant Whisperer – he’s going to be our King when his Mummy pops her clogs.”

Thought for the day. Confucius say “Judge a man by the company he keeps”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Anonymous said...

Nice one, Rusty. 10/10. Absolutely hilarious.

fastbyte69 said...

Brilliant, par excellence. What a take. Lol's.

Quinn said...

Gorgonzilla is a cute name for the ugly adulterous slut.
Like the botox / kwik-fit bits - a right good laugh.

Fletch said...

Dobby! old wingnut ears does get it in the neck doesnt he.
some good satire there