Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Royal Ranga Revels in Afghan Murder-Thon

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Following a disastrous Top Gun interview with a group of embedded gutter press media correspondents visiting 662 Squadron’s Camp Tosspot base at Lashkar Gah, in which Captain Harry Hewitt described his five-month deployment against the Taliban mujahideen as “a doddle – like playing Call of Duty 5: ‘Kill-a-Paki’ on my Xbox 360 without the aid of any cheats” – he gave all and sundry the impression of being the type of bloke who could fuck up a perfectly good anvil – and a 28-year old na├»ve twat who has yet to come to grips with this thing the common herd refer to as ‘reality’.

While Downing Street, the MoD and Clarence House have shit kittens, gone ballistic and are kicking up a phenomenal stink, wanting to know who the fuck in charge of the NATO / ISAF base’s security operations sanctioned Harry being interviewed without a spin doctor chaperone of Max Clifford’s press agent guru stamp in attendance – especially due his habit of opening gob before engaging brain – the Taliban hierarchy’s spokesman Mohammed al Ka-Boom, commander of the 21st Shaheed Semtex Vest Brigade, has spit the proverbial dummy.

Seizing a tailor-made propaganda opportunity of rapturous Brobdingnagian proportions, Commander al Ka-Boom, a former Takfiri mullah and leader of the Saracen Scallies Gang, appeared on the Tora Bora Ummat Television’s ever-popular primetime ‘Jolly Jihad Hour’ programme to launch a very negative PR broadside salvo - slamming the royal cuckoo’s moronic comments about ‘turkey shoots’ and comparing his gunship pilot ‘take’ on the decade-plus Afghan tragedy to a ‘super video game’ as a dead give-away of how the decadent Western infidels view the people of Afghanistan and the Islamic religion.

Tuesday’s front page of the red top Mujahideen Terrorist Review tabloid carried a hacked photo of Captain Hewitt twiddling his joystick and playing Sky Rimjob, with an editorial claiming the interview would serve to incite further rancour among the indigenous Afghan population against the foreign infidel invaders and their illegal war of convenience that has become as popular as chemotherapy with all concerned – civilians and combatants alike - and staged in the wake of the 9/11 false flag terror attacks simply to put a Western sock puppet stooge in power – specifically President Ahmed Kami Karzai and his Kleptocracy Party government.

Applying their best derogatory English adjectives to translate from the original Pashto, the tabloid’s editorial labelled Prince Harry as a bona-fide ‘dog wanker’ (a mutant sub-set genus in the fuckwit classification index of Linnaean taxonomy) who is a cad, a bounder and thoroughly bad sort, just like his ginger-mingin father Jimmy – and for his pompous indiscretions and insults heaped upon the Afghan people, would be cursed with an ingrowing foreskin and septic haemorrhoids until Hell froze over.

Hmmm, Harry’s little interview and revealing this preferred brand of Apache gunship diplomacy might just be fraught with the spectre of unintended consequences.

Following the initial ‘semi-sanitised’ media interview, apparently Harry got into a boozing session with a gutter press hack from the Warmongers Gazette in the Burkha Bar at their Camp Tosspot base in Bellend Province – home to the 3 Regiment Army Air Corps – and confided – on conditions of “Don’t tell Granny Liz” – that he’d killed ‘shitloads’ of Taliban insurgents during his latest 20-week murder-a-thon tour of Afghanistan as an Apache AH-64 gunship pilot.

“That’s the great thing about the Apache - when the only tool you possess is a hammer then every problem starts to look like a nail – so we just blast the shit out of anything that moves.”
“Okay, a lot of days it’s not just blood and guts, shooting up herds of goats with the 30mm cannon or demolishing schools with a barrage of Shitstreak missiles – but just ferrying bales of the CIA’s morphine base or semi-refined H to the Paki border for onward trans-shipment – then try and cop a bit of a ‘Heathen Hunt’ on the flight back to Lashkar Gah and send a few rag-arsed peasants off to meet Allah.”

“I kid you not, it really beats hanging round the camp all sodding day and watching re-runs of the Afghan Extreme Stoning event finals on Al Jazeera Sports Plus – and I really get my rocks off killing our country’s enemies – the ones out to sabotage Western civilisation – these fedayeen scumbags who hate our democratic freedoms.”

The Prince, who is alternately known as Captain Hewitt , Your Highness or ‘Harry the Heathen Slayer’ around the Army Air Corps camp, was dispatched on all manner of missions across Afghanistan’s major trouble spot Bellend Province – tasked with delivering Murderer’s Choice pizzas and crates of frosty Budweiser to trigger-happy psycho US troops guarding the opium crops - to blasting the shit out of suspected Taliban rebel strongholds disguised as schools, orphanages and medical clinics.

During his deployment in 2007-2008, the royal ranga spoke of his frustration at not being able to partake in the actual slaughter of the people attempting to evict an army of foreign infidel invaders from their homeland due the fact he might get his stupid head blown off - as the Taliban and al Qaeda have a nasty habit of shooting back at such interlopers – and occasionally hitting what they aim at.

How time flies - only months previously this same spotty youth was snapped in his birthday suit with an equally-naked Las Vegas golly-flogger, his fingers gripping her genitalia as he would a ten pin bowling ball as they faced off like a pair of Sumo wrestlers, getting down n dirty, ready to play ‘Hide the Bratwurst’.
Now Harry spews out a stream of Maverick / Iceman skewed logic sound bites like some Common Purpose NLP brainwashed politician - "They kill one of ours so we snuff ten of theirs."

So the Prince has developed a taste for blood and murder – just like Grand-dad Stavros of Edinburgh who had his Mum, Di’ snuffed. Well, members of the totally dysfunctional Royal Family hardly constitute representative models of moral rectitude, hence what do we expect from their cuckoo sprog?

Alas, given the facilities of subjunctive retrospect and 20/20 hindsight, we shall henceforth view Harry as a chap now stricken with severe credibility issues. But it must be a comfort to believe in your own bullshit and delusions - branding these wars of aggression – this ‘Reign of Error’ as necessary to preserve ‘our’ way of life – at the expense of another people’s.

Thought for the day. With regard to foreign misadventures and neo-colonial aggression – and too Posh Dave Scameron’s propaganda spin that the war on terrorism could take decades – perhaps generations – to resolve – and given a well-spun media boost to boot - let’s not lose sight of the fact that 9/11 and the Iraq weapons of mass distraction scams were ZioNazi neo-con kikester false flag op’s to justify this immoral and illegal demonization of all Islam.

Thus too 9/11 manifested the required vindication for the violent force of arms invasion and occupation of their lands to install – at best – yet another compliant sock puppet regime that endorses Israel’s right to steal Palestine and treat the Arab Muslim population of the occupied West Bank and besieged Gaza Strip in a worse inhuman manner than Hitler’s Nazi hordes purportedly ever did to the Jews – along with the blacks, Slavs, Gyppos and generalised Pikey tribes of Europe and Russia.

To wit – fuck the New World Order and all who sail in it.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


Anonymous said...

Nice one. A spot-on piece of biting satire that had me giggling me socks off. Truth in jest - definitely where this clown Harry is concerned. Like the rest of the royals - totally out of touch with reality and the common folk.

Quinn said...

Aye, the boy Harry is surely an embarassment to have around.
Ah well, look at the family - totally bonkers - the grandfather has the mum knocked off. His dad's a raving looney and his chain-smoking troll of a step-mum's a broomstick merchant

Anonymous said...