Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Grey Aliens to get Universal Credits

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Tory Work and Pensions Minister, Ian Duncan Smith, informed a gutter press hack from the Ripoffs Review tabloid that tax credits – originally designed to top up the incomes of anyone on a lower pay scale than MPs – were dragging the entire country even deeper into a state of Debtocracy.

Going into true dummy-spitting mode - (which his PA Candida Mingerot later put down to an over-indulgence of coffee and missing his mid-morning Valium hit) – Duncan Smith went straight for the throat in attacking the fatally flawed tax credit system introduced by New Labour, relating it was more at 'scam than scheme' and had resulted in fostering a state of dependency, wasted taxpayers' money and outright fraud that had cost in excess of £10 billion quid to date.

The Working Tax Credit and companion Child Tax Credit systems, introduced by New Labour’s pigshit-thick Gordon ‘Incapability’ Broon in 2003 - (who wholly disregarded good advice on the existing PAYE code number system that “If it ain’t broke it sure don’t need fixing”) - doles out monthly payments based on estimates provided by claimants on their predicted income for the year ahead - with HM Revenue & Customs responsible for reclaiming any overpayments at the end of each fiscal year – which proved an exasperating exercise in hair-pulling frustration as every fucker and their dog had already blown the money.

"In between 2003 and 2010, New Labour paid out £171 billion quid in tax credits, which whacked a 60% rise on the welfare bill, and were unable to get their heads round the fact that the system Gordon Broon and that albino prat Darling had cobbled together was wide open to abuse."

“Hence it came as no surprise to us that when we got into office back in 2010 that fraudsters from around the world had targeted these tax benefits for personal gain, as the way the New Labour tossers threw it together nationality never came up as a condition of entitlement and hence wasn’t recorded.”
“This has resulted in child tax credits being paid to support 6,000 foreign sprogs living abroad, who, under Brussels’ moronic EUSSR laws, are entitled to claim British taxpayer-funded benefits.”

“Thus the reason why Britain’s broken - thanks to New Labour’s financial mismanagement – and the government have lost at least £10 billion quid to illicit welfare claimants and fraudsters from Antarctica to Spitzbergen who’ve been targeting this barmy tax credit system since 2003 – and to add insult to injury, we now have 370,000 pikey immigrants claiming unemployment benefits – and hundreds of thousands more receiving tax credits for non-existent kids.”

* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of HMRC inspectors and accountants were temporarily gob-smacked.

Thought for the day. Duncan Smith is currently pushing for an overhaul of the welfare system that will see all benefits replaced by a new Universal Credit and entitle any fucker living in our Galaxy the right to claim benefits.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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