UK Aged Targeted for Budget Cuts

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

A report by the Lib-Dum’s CentreForum think-tank, whose superbly arrogant members like to amuse themselves with absurd social engineering schemes and believe they’re qualified to influence government policy – states that old age pensioners’ winter fuel payments – (already docked of £50 by Chancellor Osborne) should now be means-tested to help free up money needed elsewhere.

Speaking to gutter press hacks, Paul Burstow, the Common Purpose NLP brainwashed Lib Dum MP for Slutton & Cheam – previously assigned the post of health secretary in the coalition until Posh Dave Scameron’s September hack n burn cabinet reshuffle when he was demoted to making the tea and shredding incriminating documents – claimed targeting the allowance with a means testing regimen would save almost £2 billion quid per annum to help pay for other higher priority projects – such as funding the Free Syrian Army rebels - by forcing oldies to go out and gather firewood in the summer months and stop relying on government handouts to pay their central heating bills.

The CentreForum report is viewed by critics as yet another below-the-belt step towards implementing reforms to elderly care proposed by the independent Dildo Commission – to force oldies to get off their arses and fend for themselves – and another stellar example of foul play by the landed gentry Tories – slam the hapless, vulnerable members of society and rob the oldies.

However Burstow, known for his bad taste in ties and being the type of oick who thinks wood grows on trees, defended the report’s finding, stating for the public record “The coalition has got to make savings across the entire budget spectrum to rectify the Debtocracy chaos that Gordon Broon and New Labour left us with – and senior citizens with nothing better to do than sit in front of the telly all day watching re-runs of Last of the Summer Wine and sucking Werthers should be encouraged to copy the self-sacrifice examples of our Celtic tribal ancestors where, come the Winter solstice, the elderly would wander off into the forest to die with dignity rather than become a burden on the tribe – or the Tory government’s welfare state.”

As if to confirm the fact that shit-for-brains MPs should be means tested for their allotment of nuance and being equipped with an IQ that scores somewhere above room temperature figures, the Tory MP for Old Scrotum, Nick Turd (Old Etonian / Bullingdon Club member) followed up on the obnoxious Burstow’s dispatch, and publicly declared that well-off pensioners should consider giving their winter fuel payments to a charitable cause – such as the Tory MPs Benevolent Fund.

Means tested indeed – isn’t it about time we means tested these overpaid influence-peddling scumbags posing as our Parliamentary representatives for common sense and remind them of the fact their duty of care and representation lies with their constituents and not promoting some womb to tomb totalitarian ‘Malthusian catastrophe’ policy that embraces euthanasia for the disabled and elderly sectors of our sick society. Lest they forget, the oldies still have the franchise to vote – and will, much to Tory – and Lib-Dum detriment come the next election when Nigel ‘Indestructible’ Barrage and his UKIP Party are ushered into power with a mega-majority ballot - and no need to form some piss-ant 'coalition'.

Thought for the day. CentreForum is an independent, liberal think-tank that seeks to develop long-term policy solutions to the myriad problems facing our Galaxy – and implementing the draconian decrees of the United Nations’ Agenda 21 – plus those carved into the Rockefeller’s Georgia Guidestones – foremost a 95% cull of the human race’s unbiquitous ‘useless eaters’.
The organisation has a plethora of incriminating links that lead directly back to the Librarian Dummercrats – with a host of devious Lib-Dum politicians involved - including such pondscum reprobates as the expenses fiddling David ‘Fudge’ Laws MP, Mick ‘Turncoat’ Clogg MP, Dr Vince ‘Alzheimers’ Cobble MP and Lord Jeremy John Durham (call me Paddy) Pantsdown.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.