Wednesday, 30 January 2013

UK Mulls Fielding Split-Arsed Troops

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to the Facebook page posted by a butch lesbo contingent of the British Army, the MoD should consider following the example of our American cousins over in the good ole US of A and allow women to serve in combat roles – a position hailed and supported by Britain’s most senior female army officer - famous for leading a bayonet charge against rioting IRA hunger strikers in Belfast’s Maze Prison back in the dark Thatcher rule days of 1981, after they went ballistic and launched a fatal assault on a posse of guards - conducting cell searches for hidden spud stocks - with their plastic sporks.

Brigadier ‘Feral Beryl’ McSkanger - who became the first woman to command the all-female 21st Sapphic Sisters Battalion (aka ‘The Dirty Dykes’) following the Mossad / DVD 9/11 false flag attacks which provided the excuse and justification for the invasion of Afghanistan - informed a press hack from the Warmongers Gazette that it was wrong to dismiss female soldiers simply on the grounds they have tits instead of a pair of balls.

McSkanger - who retired last December following rumours of her involvement with the torture of prisoners at Iraq’s notorious Abu Ghraib Prison and accusations that she personally sodomised scores of suspected Sunni and Cher terrorists with a twelve inch Randy Rammer strap-on dildo – is of the opinion that “It’s a sodding male thing again, pure and simple - and the objections to split-arsed troops on the front line stinks of chauvinism. The outmoded view being fostered by the MoD claims that women are better confined to performing support roles - such as making pots of tea, darning bullet holes in Kevlar vests - and acting as an acceptable, temporary alternative to self-masturbation.”

This current controversy was sparked following an announcement last week by US Defence Secretary Leon Vendetta – who although still recovering from what the media claims is his third failed face lift surgery procedure - repealed the military's ban on women serving in combat roles, potentially opening battlefront positions for American GI Jane’s to absent-mindedly tread on IED booby traps and get shot by Islamic terrorist snipers while using a compact mirror to check their make-up.

US Congresswoman Tammy Duckfat - a helicopter pilot who lost both legs in Iraq when pupils at the Fallujah primary school she was launching Shitstreak missiles at had the brazen audacity to fire an MPADS FIM-92 Stinger back at her Apache gunship - has been a high profile supporter of allowing women to engage in close combat and suffer all kinds of horrific disfiguring and crippling injuries – plus provide a chance to win one of the ubiquitous nickel and dime Purple Hearts for their pains (sic – no pun intended).

Conversely Major Chlamydia Mingerot of the 14th Crochet Regiment disagrees and claims resources would be wasted trying to train women up to a standard they were unlikely to reach – unless these gung-ho ‘troll’ recruits were prepared to slice off their right breast and go totally Amazon – lugging around a 60-plus pound Bergen filled with a pick n mix assortment of useless ordnance crap better suited for a family picnic or car boot sale than battlefield deployment.

Thought for the day. For fuck’s sake, just look at what they’re like when they snag a sodding fingernail or the wind catches their hair-do – what’s going to be the situation if they get shot or fragged?

Contrary-wise, who the fuck would want to be at the receiving end of an all-female battalion of aggro-bent ex-yobettes if half their number were on the rags and suffering from menstrual tension – or going through menopause?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

No comments: