Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Litter Stasi Fines now Big Business

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The UK’s local authority abuse monitor charity, Kunt-Watch, yesterday released a shocking report that fines issued for littering are being used as a cash cow cornucopia to generate ‘stealth revenue’ by councils employing their own private Gestapo squads.

With figures to back up their claims of finger-pointing against corrupt council practices of targeting the hapless public and milking them dry to make up the shortfalls in their piggy bank funds to cover performance bonuses and gold-plated pension schemes since Chancellor Osborne slashed their budgets in the name of ‘austerity’, Fellattia van der Gamm, director of Kunt-Watch, informed one press hack from the Ripoffs Gazette that the number of fines issued by Broken Britain’s council’s contracted enforcement officers has rocketed from 727 in 1997 to 63,883 last year.

A much-begrudged Freedom of Information release further revealed that three councils in London – including the New Labour-dominated Slumborough Hamlets - have effectively incentivise private contractors XFOR - part of the Renta-Thug Security Agency chain group and established by a dodgy cabal of ex-Met Plod Squad officers, Eastern bloc ex-Stasi and KGB agents - to issue as many £80 quid fines as possible – with £45 of that sum going into XFOR's pocket.

“These effin’ councils might well resort ter disingenuous statements in an attempt ter deny profiteering claims an’ insist their only goal is ter keep the streets clean. However yer just have ter look at Grotford Green wot’s contracted these XFOR scumbags cos their litterin’ fines shot up from 26 in 2010 ter 2,348 last year - compared ter 122 and 78 in the neighbourin’ boroughs of Slackney an’ Scamden – even though all three’s of a similar size an’ wiv the same demographics.”

"Ciggy butts is a real money-spinner fer these twats cos the Stasi just hide round a nearby corner an’ keep an eye on a bunch of smokers stood at a bus stop an’ watch until some dickhead drops a fag end. Now, cos they’re makin’ such a killin’ outa this scam, councils have got their works departments goin’ round an’ removin’ the garbage bins from bus stops so punters have got no choice but ter stamp their ciggy out an’ drop it in the gutter.”

Bev Titwank, a 16-year old mother of three from south London’s Landfill Common housing estate, while stood waiting for a bus last week, stamped her cigarette butt out and was immediately accosted by two XFOR agents.
“I gets this tap on me shoulder an’ looks round an’ this fuckin’ gorilla sez “That’s gonna cos yer £80 nicker fer not usin’ the trash can”. So I sez “look bollocks - where’s the fuckin’ trash can? – there ain’t any – that’s why I put the fag end out on the pavement.”

“Then the one wiv terminal halitosis an’ acne like a leper leans inter me face, an’ all intimidatin’ like, sez “If yer don’t cough up yer gonna end up in court an’ the Beak’s gonna do yer £2,000 quid an’ then yer gonna have a criminal record an’ the social will come round an’ grab yer kids an’ foster ‘em out ter some paedo’ Tory cabinet minister or a pikey-run child sex brothel.”
“Anyways, luckily I had a couple of stolen credit cards on me so I paid the fine wiv one of them an’ legged it on the next 38 circular bus.”

If one were to apply logic to this matter and offset the accusations of targeting litterbugs to generate revenue then the first course of action would be to inform the offender that if they didn’t ‘pick it up’ they’d cop a fine. Er, sorry, no – cure is better than prevention when it’s raking in the ackers.

Doubtless the public will recall the case of the shiny-buttons PCSO Walter Knobhead who booked a driver for blowing his nose while stopped at traffic lights (hands off wheel) – then went on to issue a fine to an unemployed member of the hapless public £80 for littering when he dropped a £10 quid note. Ah well, that’s the problem with hiring morons with room temperature IQ’s.

If we were to apply a logical approach to these matters (doubtful while Neanderthal cretins and trolls are enforcing local ordinance laws) and make the punishment fit the crime then the fine should have been no more than a tenner – or in a more ‘perfect’ world - “Hey mate, yer just dropped yer money”.

Thought for the day. Fuck the UK’s burgeoning panopticon society and Big Brother – and his sister – and the New World Order.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of nano-particle cynicism and genetically-modified bush telegraph innuendo.

Link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-21200058

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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