Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Lord Snooty Predicts Million Year War

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

British Slime Minister Posh Dave Scameron went into his pre-rehearsed pantomime ‘Cry Wolf’ histrionics mode again yesterday, announcing that the recent UK workers’ deaths in Algeria was a declaration of centuries - perhaps even a millennium - of blood n guts all-out warfare against the radical Muslim terrorist menace – and a stark reminder to the brain-dead common herd of the threats posed by a militant Pan-Islam that loom over the continued God-fearing Christian security of our once-sceptred isle.

Returning from his early morning jog-a-thon around Parliament Square to slash a few Occupy protester’s tents, Scameron informed a gaggle of sarcastic gutter press hacks loitering around Downing Street’s main Plebgate entrance that in his unqualified opinion President François Hollande’s sanctioned Operation Merde-TĂȘte neo-colonial invasion of manky Mali by a gang of BFST Gorfs (backward Frogs) from the 18th Special Segway Unit last week, launched under the pretext of halting the advance of pissed off regionalist militants - who want a fair share of the gold / uranium mining cornucopia profits - was the singular catalyst that incited a bunch of Ibadi sect cigarette smugglers to go ape shit and avenge Algiers’ support of the French military action in the Islamic Maghreb - by seizing the Tigantourine natural gas complex and a shed load of foreign hostages working for the notorious British Polluters oil company at Ain Almenas on the Libyan border.

"This is what military strategists refer to as a ‘right fuck-up’ and will require a big stick response that could take centuries – and perhaps even a couple of millenniums rather than a simple quick-fix botched job over the next few decades – and that’s why people need to keep voting Conservative – so we can protect them from the likes of these Jolly Jihadist mates of Big Al Qaeda and his Saracen Scally oicks – none of whom ever went to a decent public school or even attempt to speak the Queen’s English.”

In a complete volte-face of his 2010 election campaign trail mantras promoting the Tory’s Big Society and Hug-a Muslim multiculturalism – now its all ‘Islamophobia Rules’ and basically spy on the mosques and hate thy neighbour – especially if they’re Muslims – as we all know they despise our democratic freedoms (wot them?) and want to scrap all pig farms and ban the iconic Limey bacon sarnie from the local butty van - and make British women wear burkhas.

Hmmm, the latter might not be a bad idea really when one considers the legions of fat-arsed, bottle blonde gobshite slappers, trolls and broomstick merchants infesting the Troublespot Taverns pub chains - whose brain-stretching literary tastes run to quoting narrative quips from Fifty Shades of Red-Arsed Spankeroo – the latest in the Mad Max Mosley BD/SM Flagellation series from Penguin Porno Classics.

However, Stop the War activist Bev Titwank was the first to jump on Scameron’s case and stressed the last decade had already proved the so-called war on terror was more at scent than substance and doomed to failure, opining to media hacks “How many more years will this Western holier-than-thou Coalition of the Warmongers continue to bomb and invade hapless Third World countries in the false name of fighting terrorism –then split them into Balkanised bite-sized chunks of sectarian chaos – with the UK bollocks-deep in this third party proxy war villainy?”

“You need two hands-worth of fingers to count them all off now: Afghanistan – opium and the poxy Socal pipeline; Iraq – oil and a central Mid-East strategic military base; Libya – oil; Yemen and Somalia – control of the Red Sea / Suez access – in ands out – and they already have Djibouti as a tactical Elint / drone base – then Mali for their uranium and gold.”
“Okay, heads up – time for a reality check as some fucker asks ‘Why Africa?’
Why? – cos it’s a neo-imperialist push to dislodge the Sino-joint venture projects across the entire African continent – same as in Libya with Gaddafi – get the sodding Chinks out before they become too entrenched.”

“So now they’ve evolved from the old style gunboat diplomacy to the all-American guilty by association homicidal ‘drone diplomacy’ – and they’ll drive their global expansionist agendas through proxy wars like Syria - or high-fiving false flag attacks to justify invasions such as 9/11 and the Iraq weapons of mass distraction scam that got poor Dr Kelly murdered up in the Grassy Knoll Woods.”

“Hopefully they don’t pull any more Mohammed al Patsy style 7/7 faux terrorist jobs and just stick with their pantomime propaganda - black pepper and peroxide bombs, exploding jockey shorts, sub-nuclear trainers – and that moronic ricin poison attack. Really, how pathetic – castor bean cluster munitions or perhaps that should be cluster-fuck munitions. I mean who the fuck have they got at the CIA and MI6 working on this – Wallace and Gromet or Wiley T. Coyote?”

“Then we have their so-called dirty bombs – last week’s laundry and a bunch of smelly socks wrapped around a pipe bomb. And if you want to know how to make a pipe bomb read Inspire magazine – the Big Al Qaeda terrorist best-selling online publication. What a fucking joke – if that’s the best they can do for an IED then we can all sleep easy.”

“Oh well, now the Kenyan cuckoo is in the White House for another four years, the show can really rock and get to work on trashing the rest of the US Constitution and Bill of Rights – starting with the 2nd Amendment – then imposing martial law, rounding up all the Occupy activists and any fucker else and their dog who reckons it’s kosher to think for themselves and diss the government – under the Patriot Act and the new NDAA that’s a domestic terrorism offence. Camp FEMA for you – red zone.”

“Oh yes, just wait until the ZioNazi game plan kicks into top gear now inauguration day’s done n dusted. First – a false flag chemical weapons attack to get things hotted up in Syria and force the UN’s humanitarian intervention hand – then Lebanon and Hezbollah – a full IDF strike against Hamas in Gaza that will make Operation Cast Lead look like a picnic – then some staged event to incite a fire-fight in the Gulf and justify launching an all-out three branches military attack on the sovereign Islamic Republic of Iran.”

“That’s the way to do it – full order books for the military-industrial cabal arms manufacturers. Profits and performance bonuses galore as all the intelligence service’s drug money and filthy lucre from human sex slave trafficking and illegal arms deals gets laundered and sanitised by the City’s Wilkins Micawber Bank of International Settlements – and their sights are set on the next target. Antarctica – the sixth continent – and those fundamentalist Islamic penguins.”

Thought for the day. Fuck Neo-Colonial / Imperialist France and the UK – and NATO and the Great Satan – and their New World Order / Project for a New American Century / Foreign Policy Initiative / Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.


wiggins said...

Strange 'terrorists' ... Canadians and a Brit in the gang...Oy vey!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Kanucks and Brits - another false flag job straight after Sandy Hook with the four-plus shooters all brainwashed by the CIA's Orion NLP Patsy programme

fastbyte69 said...

Brilliant piece of satire - lotsa laughs n truths too

Fletch said...

Like it. Wallace and Gromit. Lol's. Ha!