Council Leaders Predict 2013 Revolution

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Without a single reflection or concern for the pertinent fact their alarmist actions might send a Doomsday shock n awe wave of fear and anxiety through the ranks of what still constitutes polite society, the self-indulgent, egoistic leaders of three of England's biggest cities have jointly written to the Panic Mongers Gazette voicing their personal predictions that Broken Britain is about to get even more ‘Broken’.
This disturbing factor is apparently due an untended simmering cauldron of social unrest being ready to boil over, becoming the catalyst for the dissolution of civil order, the overthrow of Parliament and an ensuing bloody revolution that will see the ouster of the parasitic Saxe-Coburg-Gotha monarchy – with their castles, palaces and stately homes turned into squats and homeless shelters.

In the joint missive, the council leaders of Geordie Central, Scouseland and Shitty Sheffield – (the loan-deficient – now destitute - constituency of Deputy PM Mick Clogg - the city’s actual Lib-Dum MP at the time of the 2010 election – until a fit of apostasy turned him into an arse-kissing blue-nosed Tory) – have sought to focus the House of Conmans attention on blatant evidence that government policies are widening – rather than narrowing – the economic divide between north and south – and more specifically between Us (99%) and Them (1%).

This ‘Tripartite’ power block assault from north of England local authority leaders comes as fresh analysis reveals that one of the government's flagship policies to promote house building (sheds & lean-to’s) and economic activity (more car boot sales) across the whole country – specifically the New Homes Bonus - is draining funds out of northern council piggy banks faster than shit through a cholera victim - while conversely swelling the coffers of their southern stockbroker / foxhunting belt councils.

Analysis undertaken by Unison reveals that all the top ten gainers from the scheme in cash terms were Tory and Lib-Dum-dominated councils in the south - while all top ten net losers were in the north – and without exception – all New Labour. The 2011 figures show Liverpool was a net loser from the New Homes Bonus scheme by more than £2 million quid as no fucker wants to live there and have their kids cursed with a Scouse accent - while Tory PM Posh Dave Scameron’s Oxford constituency of Shitney gained by £10 million nicker.

Meanwhile critics have been quick to point out that northern local authority panjandrums – traditionally only psychologically motivated by Masonic Brotherhood ‘greed’ – once again seem more concerned about saving and salvaging their own arses than playing fair with the common herd – on this occasion by attempting to employ the Tavistock Institute’s Terror Management Theory trump card strategy against the government themselves.

Alderman Frank McScrote, leader of Liverpool Council, informed one press hack from the Daily Shitraker that “Mark my effin’ words, this might well be the fin-de-siècle of our disastrous Libservative Coalition cos Parliament can no longer continue wiv their practice of cognitive dissonance an’ ignore the burgeoning Us & Them factor wot’s starin’ them square in the face - the 1% versus the 99%.”
"Yer got risin’ crime, increasin’ community tension an’ more problems on the fuckin’ streets than yer can shake a stick at – an’ this little lot’s gonna kick start the break-up of civil society if Posh Dave Scameron an’ Co don’t wake up an’ get their fingers out sharpish-like.”

“If we don’t see an imminent change expedited in the way fundin’ is gettin’ dished out, ter make it fairer ter the north, then this austerity drive wot’s knocked the bollocks right outa our budgets fer the past two years is gonna backfire big time wiv even more chaos on the streets than we got already - an’ the economy stagnatin’ even further – an’ no matter how many local anti-Christ wannabees the Plod Squad shoot like that Markie Duggan bloke from Tottenham, the next set of riots are gonna level commercial Britain from Carlisle ter Brighton.”

“Seriously, I joke not, the word on the streets in Scouseland is ter expedite a carbon copy of Pol Pot’s Khymer Rouge restructurin’ of society – wiv any fucker or their dog wot’s even got a whiff of affluence about them – or an IQ wot’s approachin’ treble figures – marked fer the chop – so the proletariat is gonna be the winners – even if it is only in the short term.”

In support of the three northern leader’s arguments and warning, Chlamydia Mingerot, director of the Twat-Watch government abuse monitor charity, opined to the media that "The unfairness of the government's cuts now presents a clear and present danger to inflaming the situation of an already deeply divided nation. As politicians only ever seem to take any sodding notice of the public during an election campaign when they’re out and about canvassing for votes, we must collectively urge them to stop what they are doing and listen to the warnings before the forces of social unrest, which are starting to heat up at a geometric rate, explode in a sub-nuclear fireball and we experience repeats of the 1789 and 1917 bloodbath revolutions of France and Russia that changed the political face of the world forever – especially so for the corruption-ridden Bourbon and Romanov monarchical dynasties."

“Unfortunately we’re dealing with a bunch of Hooray Henry upper class snobs and toffs dominating the Downing Street cabinet – hence there’s little point in trying to convince George Osborne and his band of helpers of the flawed logic of their argument that local councils don’t require budget top-ups to maintain the weekly wheelie bin emptying service as since they initiated the austerity measures then people can’t afford to buy anything - and hence simply aren’t throwing as much shit away.”

Stop press: (drop the dead donkey). Greater Manchester’s Rochdale Council have gone into total denial mode following a scandalous narrative of misuse of public funds being leaked by whistle-blowing snitches to the Ox-Rat Grassers watchdog charity concerning a dodgy flagship project launched to counter the predicted effects of global warming and melting of the Arctic ice cap.

This ‘little earner’ has since being shelved due Westminster budget cutbacks, with work halted on the innovative sea wall flood defence system and ‘claw-proof’ polar bear perimeter fence designed to encircle the town centre bus station and notorious ‘paedo groomers’ shopping mall – a factor resulting in the lay-off of scores of building trade workers and making the jobsworth staff of an entire council department redundant.

Thought for the day. Having already planned for their budgets being slashed by mega-millions since 2011, dozens of council leaders – all from New Labour-run cities – claim the latest cuts have blown further holes in their finances, meaning that by the end of 2013 they fear being unable to provide acceptable levels of essential services – such as staging their annual Christmas party blast, funding foreign travel junkets to research and survey comparative council services in Trinidad – and most important of all – pay out their annual performance bonuses.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references along with lashings of cynicism and bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a news sheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby, committed to the relay of open source information – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.