Wind Farm Follies: Consumers Shafted

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

This week sees yet another dagger plunged into the heart of the British establishment’s fatally flawed infatuation with wind generated power after a whistle-blowing mole working for National Grid leaked information to Ox-Rat, the snitch and grassers watchdog charity, that Ripoff Renewables, a Norwegian wind farm company operating 60 turbines around the Scottish Borders had been paid £1.2 zillion quid to shut down its equipment for eight hours – an amount ten times greater than the wind farm would have earned had it actually generated any electricity.

The National Grid ordered Ripoff Renewables to shut down its Seagull Slicer Rig II wind farm last Saturday for eight hours amid fears the electricity network might well become overloaded due the strong winds buffeting the country in the wake of Hurricane Katia.
Oddly enough, and against all sense of engineering logic, apparently wind turbine drive shafts can’t be switched to ‘free wheel’ mode so they aren’t rotating the genetaror shaft – hence the mega-wattage output they produce continually in high winds is too much for the National Grid system to handle.

Hmmm, yet another Heath Robinson fubar - the disclosure of which has truly exposed the bizarre workings of Britain's electricity supply, prompting calls for an urgent official investigation into the absurd payments system.

In total, a dozen wind farms were closed down last week, receiving £2.6 zillion nicker in 'constraint payments' for doing absolutely sweet fuck all – an amount that will be added on to household bills and paid for by hapless consumers.

Ripoff Renewables received the largest single payment as the moronic National Grid runs an auction, inviting energy companies to tell them how much they want in compensation for switching off – with the Seagull Slicer Rig's owners demanding £999 quid per megawatt hour of energy they would have produced had the turbines been switched on.
Conversely, and here’s the killer, had the turbines remained running, Ripoff Renewables would have been paid the going rate of £100 quid per megawatt hour – one tenth of what they were paid for doing nowt.

Sir Dinsdale Fuctifino, chairman of the Energy and Climate Change Select Committee, has called for an urgent inquiry by the Ofgem regulator into the extortionate fees being paid to wind farm operators – less than 30% of which are actually British owned.

Fuctifino informed one press hack from the Robbing Gits Review that "The very principle of paying wind farm owners for not producing electricity really sucks – and reminds me of the EUSSR’s insane Common Agricultural Policy scheme where farmers were paid not to grow anything,” – then added on a more sarcastic note – “Plus our civil service and the House of Conmans - where idle-arsed scivers get paid for doing nothing.”

“Personally I blame the New Labour government for this fiasco as they set the scale and pace of this subsidy-driven push for wind power which has far outstripped the National Grid's ability to integrate the uncontrollable source of energy and thus operate the network safely – and now they’re being shafted with
intolerable constraint payments.”

In a further twist to this tale of corporate extortion, traditional coal, oil and gas-fired power stations were also running on reduced power last week. However, energy companies actually paid the National Grid to do so as they were burning less fossil fuels.

To round off the wind farm obsession insanity, in 2009, in a bid to drag Britain even further into a state of moribund depression, New Labour’s crooked Business Secretary, Lord Peter Scandalson (aka Vermin in Ermine) refused to give Vestas, the UK’s leading wind energy technology company, a wind turbine manufacturing contract and instead farmed the entire deal out to India.
This resulted in the company's UK sites on the Isle of Wight and in Southampton being shut down and 425 employees consigned to join the burgeoning Jobcentre queue.

Thought for the day: Britain – and once upon a time ‘Great Britain’ – the innovator of the Industrial Revolution – before the 1980’s accursed days of Thatcherism when the meddlesome, menopausal, vindictive bitch set out to destroy the power of the unions and de-industrialised our sceptred isle.

That said and aside, we, the master engineers, have constructed just a minor part of this accursed infestation of eyesore wind farms that are now blighting both the seascape and coastlines of our once green and pleasant land.
Of the 3,419 turbines spread around our coasts, 2,276 are either fully or partly-owned by foreign businesses - Denmark, Luxembourg, Spain, Sweden, Germany, the US of A, Iceland, Italy, France and Norway – none of which gives a flying fuck about the British consumer’s exorbitant power bills – now due to rise by £200 quid per annum with the shift to so-called ‘green energy’.

And just to rub salt into the wounds, not only do these foreign gits cop for ten times the price of generated electricity when they turn the turbines off, but received £500 million quid in Renewable Obligations Certificate subsidies last year alone – on top of earnings.

Well, that’s what EUSSR membership has done for Britain – ‘broke’ it.

Just to add a piquant touch of corruption to the entire affair, an eight-turbine wind farm on the land of Sir Reginald Sheffield – PM Posh Dave Scameron’s father-in-law - earns a £2 million quid per annum consumer subsidy.

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Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.

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