Ex-Squaddies to Become Teachers

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The latest bizarre scheme to be conjured up by the Libservative Coalition’s Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next comes as Liam Pox, the Secretary of Defence prepares to make thousands of troops redundant to save money and instead rely on Posh Dave Scameron’s ‘Big Society’ ‘volunteers’ to supplement the depleted ranks of the 21st Cannon Fodder Regiment and 18th Body Bag Brigade in Afghanistan, and guard the Socal gas pipeline and opium crops – plus mop up the socio-political disaster in Libya caused by NATO’s bomb-happy psychopaths - who have now armed every fucker and their dog with an AK47 and an assorted bag of M-15 Willy-Pete and M-67 frag’ grenades.

So, the gospel according to the 96-year old former Chief of the Defence Staff and career warmonger Lord Chaz Guthrie is to employ the redundant troops as school teachers to improve standards of discipline.

Guthrie’s flawed scheme aims to establish a new chain of so-called ‘academies’ modelled on the Armed Forces and staffed entirely by ex-servicemen - which he, in his unqualified arrogant opinion, claims are required to create a culture of respect among children from the roughest and toughest backgrounds.

He insisted that too many inner-city schools were currently failing to address serious behavioural problems and has been tasked to draw up plans to open a state secondary academy in Manchester’s notorious Stench Hill sink or swim council housing estate - staffed by redundant members of the UK’s Special Forces.

An ex-Army General in his own right, and so typical of all that’s wrong with Britain, a non-executive director of the ultra-Zionist NM Rothshite & Sons bankster crime syndicate, Lord Guthrie’s flagship education facility at Stench Hill – the ‘Abu Ghraib Asbo Central Academy’ will open next week to serve pupils 11 to 18 - to be followed in early October by the St Atilla’s School for Latter Day Psychopaths in Crudhouse Park – with both run by teams of gung-ho, fucked-in-the-head ex-squaddies.

While career educators are gob-smacked at the very idea of staffing any institute of learning with homicidal maniacs and war criminals - proponents of the bizarre scheme at the Defence Ministry claim it will impose zero-tolerance discipline, serve to place a heavy emphasis on extraordinary rendition and outdoor activities such as gay dogging sessions - and encourage competition with a house system of survival of the fittest, and streaming by martial arts ability - to kill or be killed.

Further to these basic aims, ministers want to expand the number of cadet forces set up in state schools to instil a brainwashed Orwellian Big Brother “spirit of service” in the next generation – ready to go forth and fight the New World Order’s wars of aggression - to steal and secure the natural resources of defenceless Third World shitholes.

Meanwhile the moronic clot currently posing as the Education Secretary, Michael Gove, has described Guthrie’s scheme as an ideal example of the coalition government's concept of a Big Society, actual career educators consider the concept of employing ex-military personnel as teachers to be "deeply worrying".

Irwin Spatchcock, head teacher of the Scally Alley Media Arts College in Smegmadale, told one press hack from the Daily Shitraker "For the first time in my 30 years of teaching experience we have a situation where there are graduates with PGCEs, good references and lots of experience who cannot get jobs. Hence, if there is no place for these qualified teachers, why the fuck do we need a bunch of unqualified ones who’ll probably resort to torturing the kids if they don’t hand homework assignments in on schedule?"

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.