Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Scameron Launches ‘Great’ Campaign

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Leaving out his asinine Big Society soundbite mantra for a change, and any repeats of the recent condemnations regarding our ‘sick society’ or ‘Broken Britain’, PM Posh Dave Scameron has launched a ‘GREAT’ campaign to promote our sceptred isle abroad, to tie in with next year's London Olympics and the Royal Parasite’s Diamond Jubilee, which is scheduled to take place from the 2nd until the 5th of June 2012 (peasants not invited) - with the Olympics running from 27th July to the 12th of August – false flag Islamic terrorist attacks – courtesy of the manky Mossad - permitting.

These events will be followed by the Para-Gimpics, set to take place from the 29th of August through to the 9th September - when Oleg Mobsaroubles’ Gulag Gaz will cut off the fuel supply to the Olympic flame as London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and Co can’t afford to pay the outrageous bill.

The ‘GREAT’ campaign hopes to create a £1 zillion quid boost for such Metropolitan business enterprises as hotels, muggers, drug dealers, rub n tug massage salons and the City’s hookers and call boys – and also import four trillion extra foreign tourists to add their fectal contributions to the UK’s already-overloaded sewage waste treatment plants.

The Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next has been concerned that the August riots in several English cities may well have created something of a negative image abroad which needs to be overcome – as they don’t want tourists arriving here with the idea in their head that they can join in the melee and cop for a spot of looting then grab a nice HD digital flat screen 60 inch Sony telly to take home as a souvenir.

In a speech last week to the House of Conmans, Scameron said: "In 2012 there will be only one place to be – apart from Butlins in Tuscany – and that will be London for Lizzie’s jubilee and the Olympics spectacular.”
“There’s so much good shit to do in Britain and we want to send out the message loud and clear that this is a great place to visit and get mugged - or come and study – especially now our university fees have just been hiked to £9,000 quid per annum.”

Posters featuring, among other dickheads, greedster tycoon Richard Branson; the Heath Robinson style bog-standard DIY bodgers Wallace and Gromit - and celebrity aristocratic adulterer and bigamist, King Henry VIII - who died of syphilis - have been moronically designed to sell ‘Great’ British attributes.

Conversely critics, and their numbers are veritably legion, claim the Libservative Coalition’s ‘Shopping is Great’ poster puts an emphasis of social acceptance on material greed and being a spendthrift wastrel, loading up the plastic fantastic on all kinds of ostentatious crap during an ever-deepening world depression- and while local authorities are hoofing folks out of their homes as they can’t pay the rent.

Likewise with the duplicitous hypocrisy of the ‘Green is Great’ countryside advert displaying arbours, fields and lakes - as the Libservatives plan to cut down the nation’s iconic Doggers Woods to make space for a bunch more cheapo-build council housing estates right across our once sceptred isle’s hills and dales – to house evicted pikeys and other assorted illegal immigrants claiming refugee status.

Culture Secretary Fellattia Titwank told one press hack from the Bullshit Review that "This isn’t simply about re-branding Britain. It’s using our brand to decry the fact that our export trade is monopolised by arms sales to Third World Arab despots and totalitarian regimes in the Middle East.”
“So all the foreign tourists that come here for the Jubilee and Olympics are set to get hammered with a veritable tsunami of positive propaganda to make sure we can put the record straight after the terrible riots last August which created a negative impression abroad that people in Britain aren’t too happy with the way Mr Scameron’s coalition government are running the country.”

However British design critic and celebrity graffiti artist Wanksy was not enthused by the display, telling the Daily Shitraker: "From wot I can see, effin’ Britain don’t do real ‘Great’ ad’s an’ posters. It’s not the agency wot’s fucked up, it’s the effin’ client in Downin’ Street tryin’ ter focus attention an’ admiration of the trite and bleedin’ obvious. Just typical of yer public school oicks."

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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