Libyan Rebels Want CIA Torture Apology

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The rebel commander of anti-government forces in Tripoli yesterday informed one press hack from the War Crimes Gazette that he intends to demand written apologies from both the US and British governments for his arbitrary arrest while on a sightseeing ‘whorism’ vacation of Bangkok’s ladyboy bars around the Patpong red light district in 2004 - and ending up hung on a wall in a Libyan prison for seven years being smacked around the head every morning with a Boeing 767-222 flight manual – which really put a damper on his holiday.

Abdul Hakim Belhaj, who was then, post 2004 – under the West’s old ‘We Love Gaddafi’ guidelines – an Islamic terror suspect - claims he was ‘tortured by proxy’ after being arrested in Bangkok and flown out to the Libyan capital on an illegal extraordinary rendition flight organised by the CIA and MI6 – which he further claims was staffed by butch dyke stewardesses, offered zero refreshments and screened a ‘straight to DVD’ B movie without Arabic sub-titles.

Details of his case are included in messages sent to the Gaddafi regime by the two intelligence services in 2004 – now all in the hands of the rebel National Transitional Council who control the zillions of files in the ‘Mukhabarat el-Jamahiriya’ secret service headquarters on Tripoli’s Shit al Arab Street.

Basking in his moment under the limelight, Abdul Belhaj presented his best Che Guevara ‘look good’ pose for the media cameras - a true blue Jolly Jihad revolutionary in a pair of wrap-around Ray-Ban Aviators and designer flak jacket, with several days stubble growth and brandishing a shiny new mini Uzi sub-machine pistol – a gift from his Mossad military advisors.

Since the rebel forces gained control of the Libyan capital – (thanks to the intervention of US, UK and Israeli Special Forces) - NATO’s High Command have seconded the services of a variety of positive propaganda spin doctors and celebrity publicists – plus a Hollywood fashionista style guru - to kit out the rag-arsed rebel NTC forces with the best 'cut-throat look' possible for the world’s news cameras – in what the 21st Century ‘rebel about town’ is wearing today.

Belhaj was previously the leader of the Libyan Islamic Fighting Group (LIFG), which opposed the Gaddafi regime for more than a decade – but now yesterday’s Jolly Jihad terrorist is today’s face of true Democracy – and feted by the Western political powers that comprise NATO’s neo-colonial Atlantic Alliance.

Documents found in the treasure trove of abandoned papers at Gaddafi’s intelligence service HQ reveal evidence that Colonel Genghis McTwatt, a senior MI6 officer, boasted to Moussa Koussa, the-then Libyan secret service chief, how British intelligence led to Belhaj being captured in March 2004 - due the fact he was attempting to seek asylum in the UK via the offices of the British Embassy in Malaysia – information that MI6 used and abused to expedite his arrest.

After filing his asylum application at the British Embassy in Kuala Lumpur, Belhaj’s movements were then tracked to facilitate his illegal kidnapping in Bangkok, where he was turned over to the tender mercies of the CIA, who subjected him to torture and truth serum enemas before he was flown back to Tripoli for interrogation – where he was incarcerated at the notorious Abu Salim Prison and copped for an Abu Ghraib style manicure every time his fingernails grew back.

Hence Abdul Belhaj’s revelations raise damaging questions about the UK’s New Labour cabinet’s knowledge of rendition – perhaps contributing to an unfolding scandal of stellar magnitude that is hopefully set to expand at a geometric rate and further cast ignominy on the likes of the moronic Dubya Bush’s Neo-Con administration and the UK’s very own Tony Bliar.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.