Tuesday, 6 September 2011

2011 ‘Armageddon Flu’ Scare Afoot

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

This coming winter’s all-new seasonal influenza scaremongering campaign got underway right on schedule last week with a black propaganda announcement from the World Ill-Health Organisation that the existing ‘Coughing Crow’ avian flu virus has copulated with its ‘Dirty Duck’ viral cousin and produced an incestuous abomination of contagion that’s now linked with the ‘Sneezy Pig’ swine flu virus and mutated into a pathogenic nightmare destined to burst forth from Pandora’s box and unleash the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on the human herd.

This is estimated to kick start a ‘coughing and sneezing’ mass extinction event – unless we all run down to our local GP ‘Quackster’ clinics immediately – if not sooner - and get a shot of Big Pharma’s latest toxic vaccine crap.

The UK’s Ministry of Health, while yet again pushing the ‘mutant flu’ frighteners to rack up Big Pharma’s profits, boost the sales of man-sized tissues, compromise our immune systems – and turn scores of kids into autistic dribblers - did finally admit that more people died of anxiety attacks linked to the NHS’s ‘We’re all going to Die!” scaremongering campaigns publicising the non-existent swine and avian flu viral epidemics last winter than actually succumbed to the ravages of the illusory flu itself.

However, one report in this morning’s Scandalmongers Gazette reveals that whistle-blowing moles working deep inside the Centre for Disease Control in Atlanta have leaked documents to Ox-Rat, the human rights and wrongs watchdog, exposing the CDC’s criminal involvement in a ‘human population cull’ conspiracy.

The report claims they have colluded yet again with Big Pharma and psycho military scientists at Fort Detrick – this time to create a ‘super-mutant’ flu virus strain – which is no less than a weaponised bio-wars reassortant version containing genes from human, avian and swine DNA – the all-new ‘Gruntitis with
Wings’ flu virus.

Dr Irwin Bogbrush, editor of the Pathogens Weekly, issued guidelines to a terrified public to help prevent them being contaminated by the mutated virus once it is spread around the globe via chemtrails, water supplies and sneezing Chinese tourists over the coming weeks.

“This new ‘Cough n Croak’ strain they’ve created by splicing DNA from the 1918 Spanish Slut flu virus with the Sneezy Pig and Coughing Crow varieties will go super-pandemic and cut a swathe through the human race like shit through a goose.”

“So, take my advice and don’t bother with Big Pharma’s seasonal flu jabs as they won’t stop you catching this bastard when it takes off. But if you do cop for a dose and symptoms persist, then don’t fuck around - drop whatever you're doing and consult the nearest undertaker.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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