GMC Clamp Down on Witch Doctors

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Dr Candida McSkanger, director of the General Medical Council, today informed press hacks that her offices were working flat out like a lizard drinking to address and correct problems with overseas doctors joining the UK’s National Ill-Health Service - and who possessed little or zero experience of interacting or dealing with Western cultures and medical practices.

To achieve this end, the GMC is planning a basic induction programme for all foreign doctors who’ve been trained in Third World ‘health facilities’ to help them understand how medical care is practised in the UK – and will no longer involve such quackery as female patients sucking the physician’s penis and swallowing his orgasmic ‘Magic Milk’ panacea for all ills - nor having his ‘Wellness Wand’ rammed up their vagina – or back passage in the case of haemorrhoids.

In an interview with the Pestilence Gazette, Dr McSkanger related that Third World doctors do not meet the basic NHS requirements of professionalism – which has in itself got to present a major condemnation of medical proficiency considering the generalised pathetic state of NHS services.

“Really, we’ve had patients calling up our NHS helpline complaining that some ‘doctor’ from Woga-Woga Land had all manner of voodoo dolls and shrunken heads hung up in his surgery.”
“These people have been trained under different cultural and professional standards which simply are not conductive to basic NHS requirements. Doctors who are new to the UK need to be provided with induction courses on how to conduct themselves and practise medicine within our professional, language, ethical and legal boundaries - as set down by the GMC.”

“Take for instance the recent case of Dr Wormhole Chuckabutty, a former celebrity gurner from Madagascar, who attended his hospital rounds dressed in a grass skirt with a bone through his nose – and whose ‘bedside manner’ included the sexual groping of female patients.”
“As it turned out Dr Chuckabutty could only speak Swahili and whose sole qualification for the position was a St John’s Ambulance Brigade diploma in First Aid - whereas his job application stated he was seeking a position as a Gynaecologist as he wanted to, and here I quote: “See plenty of dat white pussy.”

“For God’s sake, you should have seen the scores of complaints we received from his patients, and when he appeared before the GMC Committee for reprimand, didn’t quite grasp the fact that he simply could not expect to have his female patient completely disrobe and lie on a gyno’ couch with her feet in the stirrups - when she only came in with a sore throat.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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