Sunday, 4 September 2011

EDL: March Ban an Affront to Human Rights

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Members of the ultra-fascist English Defence League were out in force, protesting around East London on Saturday afternoon despite a city-wide blanket ban on all such marches following the mayhem and destruction caused by the August riots.

Thousands of booze and drug-fuelled protesters assembled around the densely populated Muslim ghetto of Slumborough Hamlets under the vigilant eyes of the Met’s Plod Squad and the CO20 Territorial Support Group’s Renta-Thug Unit – all glad of the opportunity for another crack at some overtime before the Libservative Coalition government make 7,000 of their number redundant as a festive season gesture this December.

EDL leader Vinnie McScumm informed one press hack from the Xenophobes Gazette that Home Secretary Theresa Maybe’s blanket ban on all marches and demonstrations protesting the state of our economy and the fuck up the Libservatives are making of the country was an affront to their human rights to cause a bit of aggro’ and thump a few Muslim darkie types.

The UK civil rights watchdog Ox-Rat claims the EDL is, along with the neo-Nazi Smegmadale Patriots, yet another Rothshite crime syndicate funded pro-Zionist organisation, reportedly backed and financed by the international pariah state of Israel and its US-based AIPAC stooges to promote Islamophobia throughout the British Isles – and hence viewed with some modicum of lenient acceptance as a check on Islamic extremism in Broken Britain’s fucked-up society by the Tory Party’s ‘Friends of Israel’ club members - such as die-hard Zionists PM Posh Dave Scameron and Foreign Secretary Willy ‘I’m not gay’ Vague.

The EDL’s McScumm, who attended the demo’ in breach of his bail conditions and while disguised as Guy Fawkes, has previously admitted to his fascist leanings and being an anti-Islamic racist - and considers himself and the EDL to be the 21st Century answer to Oswald Mosley’s 1930’s ‘Blackshirts’ - the bane of any and all who don’t fit the Anglo-Saxon white Protestant template.
McScumm told reporters “This ban on marches is bullshit, with no incendiary chanting or waving our flags while walking as that would then constitute ‘a march’. The Home Secretary’s denying our God-given right to vent our feelings and kick a few Muslim terrorist’s heads in.”

Met’ Plod Squad spokeswoman WPC Fellattia Titwank told the media one crowd of EDL supporters had gathered around the Tosspots Square area with another 500 protesters in Shitechapel – but all was very quiet.

As though her words had tempted Providence a little too far, the next thing scuffles broke out, with Molotov cocktails being hurled at the adjacent St Achmed’s Holy Jihad Mosque and an assortment of Old Headbanger lager bottles and bricks were thrown at police by the far right activists as 3,000 officers tried their best to maintain control of the surging crown before giving up, saying “Fuck it!” and beating a tactical retreat for coffee and a smoko at a nearby Starbucks.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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