Friday, 2 September 2011

Debtocracy Banksters do Big Bad Bully Act

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Cash-strapped UK home owners are being harassed with cold calls on their home land line and mobile phones by usurious banks and building societies, and told to quit spending on extravagant ‘luxuries’ such as food and super-soft triple-tinted toilet paper - or risk losing their homes if they can’t honour their monthly mortgage premiums - and hence default on their ‘never pay in your lifetime’ housing loans.

Every week an excess of 10,000 customers of Crock of Shit Asset Management and the Badford & Bingeless Building Society are being warned to slash their outlay on the latest smart phones, Sky TV All-Sports contractsand high speed Internet broadband; plus no more ‘happy ending’ sensation massages at their local gym - or even socialising over a couple of pints of Bitch Thumper lager on a weekend down at their local Troublespot Taverns pub chain boozer – and instead concentrate on priorities like paying their mortgage.

Banking industry whistleblowers, working under cover for Ox-Rat, the consumer watchdog charity, have revealed that grasping mortgage lenders are performing clandestine credit checks to identify high-risk customers – with a total of 300,000 ear-marked for a wake-up warning call relating to their prodigal spending habits.

While it might well be a finance industry standard for a credit check to be undertaken when a loan is applied for, it is unprecedented for so many to be carried out after mortgages have been approved and granted.
Though some might well argue such actions are a sensible precaution on the part of the vampiric lenders, to ensure borrowers meet their obligations and bow to debt slavery before the altar of Mammon, civil rights and privacy groups have condemned this recently-exposed ‘Cut the Spending - or Else’ intimidating practice as patronising and unfairly singling out the thriftless members of society who live for today – and harbour a justifiable attitude of ‘fuck tomorrow’.

It is a fact that UK laws require the country’s Debtocracy financial institutions to obtain a customer’s written permission to run a credit check – however, this is obviously being ignored – or disingenuously utilised due them giving their permission when originally applying for the loan – now other banksters are likely to launch their own copycat moves – and again breach the statutes of the Data Protection Act.

Ronnie Wanks, the chief executive of UK Asset Resolution - the company set up by government regulators to run the ‘Crock of Shit Asset Management’ and ‘Badford & Bingeless Building Society’ after both were rescued from insolvency by the ‘Taxpayer’ – explained that the company has 616,000 mortgage customers on its debt ledgers that still owed a total of £47 zillion quid in bail-out money back to the hapless British public.

Wanks attempted to diffuse critical publicity against their credit-worthy data mining project with: “All we’re trying to do is identify customers who may be struggling with other debts and risk failing to pay their vulture mortgages, hence ending up evicted and living in a tent – by helping them out to identify and correct problems with their monthly spending habits.”
“It’s not their credit card expenditures or renewing their Sky ‘Wank Channel’ subscription, or going out for the latest mobile smart phone technology that should come first – it’s their fucking mortgage payments.”

Mr Wanks, a former director of the bankrupt Misaligned & Red Leicester mortgage lender, added “We want our debt slaves to look at their finances and change their behaviour as almost 20,000 families have had their homes repossessed in the first half of 2011 due the fact they failed to make their mortgage payments and have ended up living on canal banks and landfill sites, fighting with seagulls and scrabbling around for food.”

“The latest figures from the Council of Housing Usurers show there were 18,100 repossessions between January and June this year - and the number of people failing to fully pay their mortgages every month is over a quarter of a million. Now that is definitely a recipe for disaster and eviction.”

Thought for the day: So, if your local banksters call up and say cancel your expensive mobile phone contract – then do so – and they can’t call to annoy you any more – perfect sense.

In a more ‘perfect world’ we’d ditch the fatally-flawed banking system of ‘times 10’ fractional reserves and centrally-controlled worthless fiat currencies and opt for an interest-free model, then the voracious fat cat banksters could fuck off, eat shit and die.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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