Eire Slams Vatican Kiddie Fiddling Cover-Up

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The Vatican has sought retreat and refuge in its customary denial mode, rejecting claims by Eire’s Taoiseach, Paddy ‘call me Edna’ Kenny that it sabotaged any and all efforts promoted by conscience-driven Irish bishops to report the criminal activities of child-molesting priests to the police and initiate the offending ‘perv’s in cassocks’ rightful arrest, prosecution and eventual defrocking and eviction from ecclesiastic office.

Prime Minister Kenny’s vilifying statement to one press hack from the Kiddie Fiddlers Gazette follows the release of the damning 4,000 page Cloyne Report that exposed how allegations of clerical sex-abuse in County Cork had been covered up by ranking Vatican officials to protect the reputation of the Roman Catholic Church - over and above the plight of pre-pubescent rape victims.

PM Kenny denounced the Vatican's lack of censure and corrective actions regarding the sexual assaults carried out with impunity by their corn-holing priests, and castigated the dysfunctional elitism that has dominated the pederast culture of the Catholic Church since the time of the 3rd Century Pope Sodom IX – later canonised as St Sodom of Buggeria.

The Irish Parliament were presented with documentary evidence that the report into allegations of sex abuse by priests in Cork had been suppressed by the Vatican – with the cases of rape and torture of choir and altar boys downplayed and manipulated to prevent yet another full-blown scandal - and instead uphold the primacy of the institution, its power and standing – to maintain the hypocritical illusion that the Church was the true bastion of earthly morality.

Parliament then rightly passed a motion deploring the Holy See for undermining child protection frameworks after viewing a letter from the Vatican’s Cardinal Paedo Frigarotti to Irish bishops, whose sole purpose served to diminish the established guidelines on reporting sexual abuse of a congregation’s children by erring priests - referring to them as ‘study guidelines only' - and to definitely not report such cases to the laity’s police force when abuses of trust might be dealt with internally.

Pope Benny, the Mk XVI German built-to-last ‘Joey Ratflinger’ papal model, then became involved personally and the Vatican was directed to hold its hands up in a supplicant gesture of “guilty as charged” and issue a press release to contain the burgeoning scandal.

This stated for the public record "In a spirit of humility, the Holy See, while rejecting unfounded accusations, welcomes all objective and helpful observations and suggestions to combat with determination the appalling crime of sexual abuse of minors – especially so the rape of choir and altar boys – and too the shameful debauching of children taking confession, who claim they were mandated to say four Hail Mary’s and suck the priest’s cock as penance for their temporal sins.”

Thought for the day: After checking outstanding complaints and investigations on the Vatican’s Coverups_R_Us website and finding no mention - whatever happened to the sexual abuse case against Pope Benny’s brother, Georg Ratflinger, a priest and former director of the St Peter’s Regensburger Bumpatters Choir in Bavaria – accused of buggering lots of little ‘Cathedral Sparrow’ sopranos under his spiritual care?

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.