Saturday, 24 September 2011

Spot NASA's UR-ARSE Satellite

Flatbrokes, the UK's ubiquitous High Street betting shop chain, today started running a top-odds 'Spot the Impact Point' book on where NASA's feral weather satellite is going to crash into the planet at several zillion miles per hour and, at best, kinetic energy besides, make a big splash - or a whopping hole in the ground - hopefully in some uninhabited corner of our pale blue dot.

While able to calculate the precise global position, date and time of Asteroid X colliding with the Earth after blazing a trail from the far side of the known Universe and through our solar system, much to the collective anxiety and chagrin of the more pessimistic and paranoid sectors of the global population, the beardies and anoraks staffing the ranks of NASA are still unable to predict with any modicum of certainty the actual impact point of the doomed six ton UR-ARSE weather satellite.

Frank McSkanger, editor of ‘Armageddon Now’ magazine, opined to media hacks that: “Fer fuck’s sake, it’s worse than the old party game of pinnin’ the tail on the donkey while wearin’ an effin’ blindfold. These twats at NASA are supposed ter have more degrees than an effin’ thermometer – so why the fuck can’t they come up wiv nowt better than ‘guesstimates’. I mean ter say, it’s not exactly rocket science, is it?”

Alas, Frank, that’s the problem – it is.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

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