Labour Cover-up of Immigrant Dunces

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a report leaked to the snitch and grassers charity group Ox-Rat by whistle-blowing moles inside the UK’s DWP benefits agency reveals that the New Labour government’s Business Secretary, Lord Peter Scandalson, conspired with PM Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown, to conceal not only the fact they’d bankrupt our sceptred isle while in power, but also the UK’s burgeoning immigration crisis.

A top secret report consisting of five dossiers on the influx of Polish, Bulgarian and Romanian immigrants – along with hordes of Albanian pikey poachers - commissioned at a cost of £165,000 quid to the taxpayer - was never published. Copies of the damning report were recently discovered stacked next to an industrial strength shredder down in 10 Downing Street’s dungeons – overlooked in the “burn everything!” destruction derby expedited during New Labour’s death throes following their ballot box demise last year.

Back-stabbing Shitehall civil service snitches, out to earn a few brownie points, now claim Labour panjandrums were shitting kittens that a damaging brouhaha would erupt over the dossiers before last year’s General Election.

Among the scandalous details contained therein were revelations that a quarter of the pikey migrants arriving from the poxy Balkans had low education levels – colloquially referred to as ‘not very bright’ – and many arrived with four to six snotty sprogs in tow – hence were more likely to be a burden on the NHS and claim child and unemployment benefits, rather than healthy single status immigrants turning up with more degrees than a thermometer and the sole intention of putting some elbow grease into finding a job.

Members of Posh Dave Scameron’s Millionaire’s Cabinet have been quick to put the proverbial boot in and criticise this disturbing cover-up – which they claim makes a mockery of promises given by Tony Bliar, and his inept successor Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown, on migration.

Both former New Labour Prime Ministers insisted, while in power, that only people from the crappy Balkan states who brought skills and added value to the UK would be allowed in after they joined the EUSSR in 2007 – which hence automatically excluded all benefits tourists – including sponging Albanian swan roasters - and Bulgarian assassins only trained to poke political dissidents in the back of the leg with a brolly loaded with toxic ricin pellets.

The Tory ranks dominating the benches in the House of Conmans are now threatening to publish the reports – just to embarrass the fuck out of Ed Millipede and his re-invented Labour Party due the fact his predecessors allowed a bunch of ‘thick as pigshit’ economic migrants into the UK – all waving their ‘license to scrounge’ permits, issued under Brussels EUSSR legislated regulations.

The damning report dossiers also include a predicted immigration explosion of four million by 2015 as legions of mooching gyppos and pikeys continue flitting from Eastern Europe to the UK due EUSSR rules entitling them to claim mega-bucks in welfare benefits.
One of the dossiers – titled Weapons of Mass Distraction – reveals that levels of unemployment were worse among Balkan immigrants than Geordies and Scousers combined - and two out of three people claiming housing benefit in London was born outside the UK.

While the secret report might be viewed as an embarrassing blow to New Labour during their party conference in Liverpool this week, and most certainly shines the incompetence spotlight on the party’s immigration failings, Labour leader Ed Millipede – the aptly-titled Child Emissary from the Planet Fuckwit – struck back at his Tory detractors with the venomous remarks: “If Thatcher hadn’t de-industrialised Britain and that old kiddie-fiddling poofter Ted Heath, followed by John ‘Maastricht’ Major, hadn’t sold our national soul to the EUSSR’s corrupt crime syndicate, then we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess in the first place.”

“No wonder Britain’s broken. You bastards kissed Brussels’ arse and opened the floodgates to a legion of Poles storming across the Channel, impersonating gas fitters and plumbers and decorators – all ready to work for crap wages and doing our unemployed peasants out of the chance of finding another job.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.