Welcome to Saudi Arabia: 1432

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Any Western bra-burning feminists or butch dyke types want to get to grips with the suppression of women’s rights? Just step right up and into the Islamic Time Machine and go back to the Dark Ages – 1432 to be precise, according to the numpty dumpty Ummul Qura calendar system – and take a trip to the totally retarded, male chauvinist-dominated Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

While their manky monarch, Abdullah bin Fat Git, has promised to franchise the nation’s marginalised women with the right to vote by 2015 (Julian calendar), no mention was made of relaxing the draconic rulings on wearing the stifling black body bags they refer to as ‘burkas’ – nor allowing Saudi womenfolk to drive a car or trot off down their local Greedy Grocer supermarket - unaccompanied by several of her male relatives - to buy a couple of packs of microwave-ready ‘Hungry Raghead’ insta-dinners.

Just to prove what a backward, Third World barbaric shithole the KSA really is, where Sharia Law surpasses all forms of rhetoric, logic and common sense, a religious court in jolly Jeddah has sentenced a woman, Sheima Jastania, to ten lashes for breaking the country's ban on female drivers.

The Saudi-based Women2Drive group, which campaigns for women to be allowed to get behind the wheel in the desert dump, has already lodged an appeal with the Mutaween religious police to present before the senior Sharia court cleric, Manuke ibn Zamel – which has as much chance of being successful as shoving butter up a meerkat’s arse with a red hot knitting needle.

Over the recent months, scores of women have driven vehicles around Saudi cities in a ‘felo-de-se’ effort to put pressure on the monarchy to change the law in their favour.

As a protest against Jastania’s sentence to be publicly flogged, the notorious Riyad-based masochist and career self-harmer Seenat Sharmuta, a leading women’s rights activist, apparently hijacked a double decker bus and drove around the city for several hours before being arrested.
In typical sadistic fashion, Sharmuta was beaten into silence when she started shouting “King Abdullah sucks – he promises us the vote in municipal elections and seats on civic councils but we can’t drive a car or go out by ourselves!”

Oh well, could be worse, considering you get a hand chopped off for shoplifting and stoned to death for adultery and dogging down at the local oasis.

Conversely, many Western male politicos have openly supported the Saudi policy of banning women drivers, stating for the public record such should be adopted globally.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.