Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Lacoste Decry Mass Murder Association

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a report in this morning’s Rumour Mongers Gazette claims the French designer clothing label Lacoste has been in contact with Norwegian police to request that mass killer Anders Breivik wears something else besides their brand of sports shirt during his court appearances.

The ultra-Islamophobic Breivik, a radical far-right extremist with neo-Nazi fascist leanings, a massive personality disorder (and shit-for-brains) has admitted he hates ‘all things foreign’ and wanted to kill as many Mid-Eastern ‘darkie’ types as possible in his planned attacks, but as he couldn’t locate a mosque or suitable Muslim ghetto in his area, decided to opt for the next best thing and snuff a bunch of his fellow Norwegians instead.

This self-declared latter-day Knight Templar’s focused efforts resulted in a head count of 77 dead and scores more wounded during the paired bomb and fish-in-a-barrel shooting excursions which kicked off with a literal ‘Bang!’ when he blew up a block of government buildings on ‘Ka-Boom Gata’ in Oslo and later went on a free-for-all gun-slinging spree at a Labour Party youth camp on Utøya Island, armed with an AK47 assault rifle and enough ammunition to kill every fucker and their dog from Stavanger to Tromsø – including aggro-bent polar bears – twice over.

Breivik – a registered rhubarb addict, who informed press hacks that Lacoste is his favourite brand - has been pictured wearing the same blood-splattered jumper since his arrest, which set off alarm bells with the company’s marketing executives in Paris, fearing a negative public response.

Conversely, according to celebrity retail advertising guru Irwin Bogbrush, such an association could prove to have an upside as a sales pitch: “What the mass murderer about town is wearing this week” – which might catch on with the psychopaths involved with armed conflicts in Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya.”
“Just imagine, all those Somali pirates posing for the news cameras on the deck of their latest super tanker acquisition – brandishing macho assault rifles and all kitted out with Lacoste shirts and designer eye patches bearing the iconic crocodile logo.”

The move by Lacoste follows that of the Ivy League US brand Abercruddie & Twitch, who took legal action against the producers of the Australian TV series ‘Cobbers’ last year as the cast of pissed-up reprobates and dope-smoking dingbats habitually wore their label while traipsing around the outback on drunken excursions - buggering sheep, koalas and wallabies – and in one episode an emu.

A & T maintained that the Cobbers’ cast association with the clothing was contrary to the aesthetic nature of the brand and could well be distressing to the brand's fans after sales took a nose dive – unfortunately for A & T a view not shared by unsympathetic judges with a fetish for Antipodean zoophilia.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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