Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Huhne Opens Gob B4 Engaging Brain

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Chris ‘Huhne the Loon’ - the Libservative Coalition’s Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change, in yet another display of his customary unqualified arrogance during the Lib-Dum annual conference at Smegmadale-on-Sea, has informed householders that crippling energy bills are their own fault.

Huhne, the type of clot who still believes wood grows on trees, moronically accused families of not bothering to shop around to find the cheapest gas and electricity providers – ironically ignoring the fact that every major utility company has imposed double-digit price hikes over the past year.

The zillionaire Huhne, whose Parliamentary constituency appears more attached to the Fortune 500 power corporations than the hapless British voters he is supposed to represent, compounded his gaffe while speaking to one press hack from the Daily Shitraker, stating for the public record “If the stupid consumers got their priorities in perspective and canvassed for a power company with lower rates more than they do for the cheapest satellite TV and Internet Broadband contracts, then they might save some bloody money and stop whingeing.”

Candida Titwank, New Labour’s shadow energy spokeswoman, told the media that Huhne’s comments were outrageous, and demonstrated how out of touch he was with the real world, and families suffering a brutal financial squeeze.
“This is Huhne’s fault – it’s only government action that can bring the prices down and keep them there – which was thrown to the wind when idiotic governments past privatised the entire domestic energy industry and lost all control over price regulation - and this Tory-led Government is still not offering any sort of a solution to tackle the rising costs.”

“The energy market is an example of an unaccountable concentration of power with gas and electric companies – most of which are foreign-owned - thanks to EUSSR integration subverting not only British culture, but also robbing us blind via power supplies - and the likes of Russia’s Gulag Gaz and Germany’s E-on electric company don’t give a flying fuck about the hapless British consumers.”
“What we should do is to re-nationalise the entire power industry – but that’s not what Baron Rothshite and the bankster crime syndicate want, now is it?”

Baz Fuctifino, spokesman for the energy watchdog Ofgem, explained that “Too many consumers find the online energy market a virtual effin’ nightmare ter navigate when faced wiv all kinds of duplicitous offers involvin’ a range of tariffs an’ discounts – an’ fixed price deals an’ tie-ins an’ other confusin’ shit - so they prefer ter stay wiv the Devil they know. Yer get wiv one outfit cos the price of gas and electric’s cheaper an’ the next effin’ thing they up’s the tariff an’ yer worse off than yer woz before.”

On a brighter note, Huhne's calamitous faux pas over energy bills came as he faced a potentially embarrassing meeting with his back-stabbing former wife, economist Vicky Pryce, as she too headed for the Librarian-Dummercrat Conference at the weekend.

The presence of the rightfully vindictive Ms Pryce, who split from her cheating twat of a husband last year after he was caught out in an affair with his secretary Chlamydia Mingerot, is particularly awkward, given he still has the sword of Damocles hanging over his privileged thick noggin concerning accusations he subverted the course of justice - evading prosecution and punishment by cajoling his ex-missus to perjure herself over his driving offences and take penalty points for him in 2003.

The adage states that “Hell hath no fury like a woman cuckolded” and Vengeful Vicky went straight for the juglar following the marriage break-up and swore her police affidavit concerning Huhne’s guilt on the body of a dead heron and in the presence of three magistrates and a Bishop.

Thought for the day: Police are investigating a complaint that since his latest public gaffe, hackers have accessed Huhne’s official website and posted a derogatory offer for “Free electricity to anyone with a clean driving license who’ll cop for a few driving license penalty points on my behalf”.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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