Tory Hypocrisy Scores Top Points

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The residents of the village of Old Scrotum in Gloucestershire have branded their local Tory MP, Neil Carmichael, as a two-faced hypocrite and all-round scumbag – plus a pick n mix selection of other ‘unpublishable’ expletive sobriquets – including Townswomen’s Guild spokesperson Mrs Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle’s public opinion of “He’s just like that other duplicitous toffee-nosed twat David Scameron – a cunt in cunt’s clothing.”

When they launched a community campaign in 2010 to halt the erection of a forest of giant wind turbines that threatened to make a total bollocks of their sweeping verdant Berkeley Vale landscape vista - which forms part of the Cotswold Area of Natural Outstanding Beauty – the opportunist Carmichael threw his two-penneth of support behind the effort – while failing to inform his constituents of the contentious – nay scandalous ‘conflict of interest’ fact he was covertly engaged in talks to erect an eyesore profusion of 410 feet-tall wind turbines on land belonging to him personally in Northumberland.

Unbeknown to the residents of Old Scrotum, the shifty Carmichael had struck a deal with the Kraut-owned energy giant RWE N-Power to site their planned wind farm on his own land at Smegmadale Head Farm, prompting comments that his real constituency seemed to be a foreign owned electricity company and not the British voting electorate.

In like fashion to his Gloucestershire constituents, the legion of opponents to the Northumberland plans have cancelled the Tory politician’s passport to social acceptance and labelled him a ‘right prick’ - and claimed his proposals would destroy their area's rural character forever.

The proposed wind farm turbines are to be sited close to the Smegmadale Pike conservation area - less than a stone’s throw from the Doggers Wood estate, where Lancelot ‘Culpability' Brown, the eighteenth-century landscape artist, was arrested by the local tipshaft in 1732 when caught in the act of buggering a sheep – doggy style.

While still a Conservative candidate at last year's general election, and full of campaign trail bloviating canvass blather, when he was publicly questioned regarding his stance on renewable energy sources and the actual siting of wind farms, Carmichael had the flagrant and insolent audacity to describe the single turbine sitting atop Tory leader Posh Dave Scameron’s roof in North Kensington as a ‘monstrosity’ and a ‘cheap gimmick’.

Further to his ignominy, Carmichael’s conflict of interest criterion arises from the fact he is a member of the House of Conmans’ Environmental Audit Committee – who are, to all intents and purposes, tasked with monitoring the worthiness of all government department activity from the perspective of cutting carbon emissions via green energy renewables - and all too obviously sniffing out lucrative money-spinning deals with the power generation industry for themselves.

Conversely, Carmichael's argument in his defence against being classed as an untrustworthy hypocritical twat is that many proposed wind farm schemes in Gloucestershire border on the Cotswolds Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty - whereas his proposed deal with RWE N-Power around Smegmadale Pike and Doggers Wood in Northumberland has no such concerns as nobody voted for him up there.

The Renewable Energy Foundation has estimated that each of the proposed turbines at Smegmadale Head Farm would generate around £100 quid per hour when working – (and under the National Grid’s moronic shut-down auction scheme - £999 quid an hour when not working) - with £60,000 nicker per annum, minimum, going into Carmichael’s pocket.

In the face of rising opposition - and the portentous, threatening prospect of local elections coming up - the Northumberland County Council has, with self-preservation aforethought, now refused planning permission for the scheme. However, RWE N-Power has resorted to ‘whinge’ mode and is appealing against the decision - and testing the waters to see who on the Planning Department’s senior staff is up for accepting a hefty bribe – or susceptible to blackmail for their after-dark carnal antics in Doggers Wood.

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Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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