In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The Herefordshire-based North Cuntbury Hunt has apologised with a big “Whoops - sorry” open chequebook gesture of goodwill, following an incident where their psychopath fox hounds, being ignorant of the ‘Hunting Act 2004’ ban on tearing Reynard and his relatives – plus other defenceless sentient beings - to shreds with their fangs (human sprogs and toddlers included) - apparently got cheesed off while out for a bit of an exercise run across the fields, chasing the same old stuffed version of Basil Brush, and decided to attack and rip the living shit out of a small herd of grazing alpacas for a bit of a bow-wow giggle.
Unfortunately, not being of the Peruvian Vicuña ‘Man-eating Alpaca’ genus, the herd didn’t fare too well against a baying pack of blood-frenzied hounds, and had most definitely lost Round One on points alone – until their small holding farmer-owner, Ms Feryl Beryl McSkanger, appeared from behind the barn with an AK47 assault rifle and emptied a couple of 30-shot banana clips of 7:62 x 39 mm Black Talon rounds into the canine version of a Chinese fire drill – before wading into the thick of the bullet-ridden doggy corpses, bayoneting several wounded specimens that dared snap at her – then nonchalantly gutting and strangling the Cujo clone ring-leader Bonzo to death with its own intestines.
By the time the horse-mounted assemblage turned up at the gore-splattered foray, led by hunt mistress and local magistrate, Her Regal Rudeness, Baroness Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle, it was all over bar the shouting, with Ms McSkanger engaged in loading another clip of 7:62, ready to deal with any abusive hunt members, while her ‘partner’, Ms Mingeeter Dildodo was busy, claw hammer in hand, repairing the fence damages caused by the berserker fox hounds.
After having the barrel end of Ms McSkanger’s AK poked in her ribs – with bayonet fixed – an initially irate Baroness Ffinch-Gargoyle wisely retreated into profuse apology mode and promised the hunt would pay all damages and veterinarian bills for the medical treatment of the injured alpacas – up to and including trauma counselling sessions with Dr Winnebago Jaffacake, the renown Harley Street animal psychologist whose celebrity patients are rumoured to have included Rin Tin Tin, Felix the Cat, Gromet, Big Bird and Kermit the Frog.
Conversely, once out of sniper scope sight and effective range of Ms McSkanger’s assault rifle, Baroness Ffinch-Gargoyle told one reporter from the Payback Gazette that “Such a thing would have been intolerable in my Grandfather’s day – some peon dyke bitch with a gun shooting our hounds just because they trespassed onto her land and chewed up a few poxy woollies.”
“The sport of hunting deer and foxes with a pack of savage hounds might well be viewed by many people in the community as a controversial issue and deemed barbaric. However, these deprived peasants don’t comprehend the part that such activities play in the life and culture of the rich and landed gentry.”
“Far too much of the mongrel in their DNA. They simply lack the aristocracy’s bloodlust gene, hence are unable to grasp and appreciate the joys of slaughtering lesser life forms.”
“Bloody commoners and their sad little lives – eating fish fingers and chips with a mug of builder’s tea and watching the telly while we’re squaffing back magnums of Krug and Fraser Island oysters and Beluga caviar – with venison kebabs and baby grey seal’s eyeballs – and alpaca’s bollocks too, if I had my way.”
Joe Duckshit, Chief Executive of the League Against Cruel Sports, informed one press hack from the Blood n Guts Review that “This is yet another example of irresponsible an’ anti-social behaviour from a bunch of toffee-nosed twats ridin’ around in their effeminate red jackets wiv a pack of rabid dogs. Just last week a bunch of these tossers from the Twattford Hunt in Somerset let their stupid hounds stray onto the main London ter Exeter high-speed railway line – where they promptly got mashed ter shit by the 08:35 from Euston – an’ good fuckin’ riddance too, I says.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Friday, 30 September 2011
Labour Cover-up of Immigrant Dunces
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The gospel according to a report leaked to the snitch and grassers charity group Ox-Rat by whistle-blowing moles inside the UK’s DWP benefits agency reveals that the New Labour government’s Business Secretary, Lord Peter Scandalson, conspired with PM Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown, to conceal not only the fact they’d bankrupt our sceptred isle while in power, but also the UK’s burgeoning immigration crisis.
A top secret report consisting of five dossiers on the influx of Polish, Bulgarian and Romanian immigrants – along with hordes of Albanian pikey poachers - commissioned at a cost of £165,000 quid to the taxpayer - was never published. Copies of the damning report were recently discovered stacked next to an industrial strength shredder down in 10 Downing Street’s dungeons – overlooked in the “burn everything!” destruction derby expedited during New Labour’s death throes following their ballot box demise last year.
Back-stabbing Shitehall civil service snitches, out to earn a few brownie points, now claim Labour panjandrums were shitting kittens that a damaging brouhaha would erupt over the dossiers before last year’s General Election.
Among the scandalous details contained therein were revelations that a quarter of the pikey migrants arriving from the poxy Balkans had low education levels – colloquially referred to as ‘not very bright’ – and many arrived with four to six snotty sprogs in tow – hence were more likely to be a burden on the NHS and claim child and unemployment benefits, rather than healthy single status immigrants turning up with more degrees than a thermometer and the sole intention of putting some elbow grease into finding a job.
Members of Posh Dave Scameron’s Millionaire’s Cabinet have been quick to put the proverbial boot in and criticise this disturbing cover-up – which they claim makes a mockery of promises given by Tony Bliar, and his inept successor Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown, on migration.
Both former New Labour Prime Ministers insisted, while in power, that only people from the crappy Balkan states who brought skills and added value to the UK would be allowed in after they joined the EUSSR in 2007 – which hence automatically excluded all benefits tourists – including sponging Albanian swan roasters - and Bulgarian assassins only trained to poke political dissidents in the back of the leg with a brolly loaded with toxic ricin pellets.
The Tory ranks dominating the benches in the House of Conmans are now threatening to publish the reports – just to embarrass the fuck out of Ed Millipede and his re-invented Labour Party due the fact his predecessors allowed a bunch of ‘thick as pigshit’ economic migrants into the UK – all waving their ‘license to scrounge’ permits, issued under Brussels EUSSR legislated regulations.
The damning report dossiers also include a predicted immigration explosion of four million by 2015 as legions of mooching gyppos and pikeys continue flitting from Eastern Europe to the UK due EUSSR rules entitling them to claim mega-bucks in welfare benefits.
One of the dossiers – titled Weapons of Mass Distraction – reveals that levels of unemployment were worse among Balkan immigrants than Geordies and Scousers combined - and two out of three people claiming housing benefit in London was born outside the UK.
While the secret report might be viewed as an embarrassing blow to New Labour during their party conference in Liverpool this week, and most certainly shines the incompetence spotlight on the party’s immigration failings, Labour leader Ed Millipede – the aptly-titled Child Emissary from the Planet Fuckwit – struck back at his Tory detractors with the venomous remarks: “If Thatcher hadn’t de-industrialised Britain and that old kiddie-fiddling poofter Ted Heath, followed by John ‘Maastricht’ Major, hadn’t sold our national soul to the EUSSR’s corrupt crime syndicate, then we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess in the first place.”
“No wonder Britain’s broken. You bastards kissed Brussels’ arse and opened the floodgates to a legion of Poles storming across the Channel, impersonating gas fitters and plumbers and decorators – all ready to work for crap wages and doing our unemployed peasants out of the chance of finding another job.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The gospel according to a report leaked to the snitch and grassers charity group Ox-Rat by whistle-blowing moles inside the UK’s DWP benefits agency reveals that the New Labour government’s Business Secretary, Lord Peter Scandalson, conspired with PM Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown, to conceal not only the fact they’d bankrupt our sceptred isle while in power, but also the UK’s burgeoning immigration crisis.
A top secret report consisting of five dossiers on the influx of Polish, Bulgarian and Romanian immigrants – along with hordes of Albanian pikey poachers - commissioned at a cost of £165,000 quid to the taxpayer - was never published. Copies of the damning report were recently discovered stacked next to an industrial strength shredder down in 10 Downing Street’s dungeons – overlooked in the “burn everything!” destruction derby expedited during New Labour’s death throes following their ballot box demise last year.
Back-stabbing Shitehall civil service snitches, out to earn a few brownie points, now claim Labour panjandrums were shitting kittens that a damaging brouhaha would erupt over the dossiers before last year’s General Election.
Among the scandalous details contained therein were revelations that a quarter of the pikey migrants arriving from the poxy Balkans had low education levels – colloquially referred to as ‘not very bright’ – and many arrived with four to six snotty sprogs in tow – hence were more likely to be a burden on the NHS and claim child and unemployment benefits, rather than healthy single status immigrants turning up with more degrees than a thermometer and the sole intention of putting some elbow grease into finding a job.
Members of Posh Dave Scameron’s Millionaire’s Cabinet have been quick to put the proverbial boot in and criticise this disturbing cover-up – which they claim makes a mockery of promises given by Tony Bliar, and his inept successor Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown, on migration.
Both former New Labour Prime Ministers insisted, while in power, that only people from the crappy Balkan states who brought skills and added value to the UK would be allowed in after they joined the EUSSR in 2007 – which hence automatically excluded all benefits tourists – including sponging Albanian swan roasters - and Bulgarian assassins only trained to poke political dissidents in the back of the leg with a brolly loaded with toxic ricin pellets.
The Tory ranks dominating the benches in the House of Conmans are now threatening to publish the reports – just to embarrass the fuck out of Ed Millipede and his re-invented Labour Party due the fact his predecessors allowed a bunch of ‘thick as pigshit’ economic migrants into the UK – all waving their ‘license to scrounge’ permits, issued under Brussels EUSSR legislated regulations.
The damning report dossiers also include a predicted immigration explosion of four million by 2015 as legions of mooching gyppos and pikeys continue flitting from Eastern Europe to the UK due EUSSR rules entitling them to claim mega-bucks in welfare benefits.
One of the dossiers – titled Weapons of Mass Distraction – reveals that levels of unemployment were worse among Balkan immigrants than Geordies and Scousers combined - and two out of three people claiming housing benefit in London was born outside the UK.
While the secret report might be viewed as an embarrassing blow to New Labour during their party conference in Liverpool this week, and most certainly shines the incompetence spotlight on the party’s immigration failings, Labour leader Ed Millipede – the aptly-titled Child Emissary from the Planet Fuckwit – struck back at his Tory detractors with the venomous remarks: “If Thatcher hadn’t de-industrialised Britain and that old kiddie-fiddling poofter Ted Heath, followed by John ‘Maastricht’ Major, hadn’t sold our national soul to the EUSSR’s corrupt crime syndicate, then we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess in the first place.”
“No wonder Britain’s broken. You bastards kissed Brussels’ arse and opened the floodgates to a legion of Poles storming across the Channel, impersonating gas fitters and plumbers and decorators – all ready to work for crap wages and doing our unemployed peasants out of the chance of finding another job.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Thursday, 29 September 2011
Tony Bliar in Kikester Adultery Scandal
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Catholic convert, career hypocrite and pathological fibster all rolled into one scumbag - Tony Bliar, the pro-Zionist conflict-promoting Middle East Peace Envoy, is reported to have developed an ‘intimate’ relationship with Candida Mingerot – aka ‘Miss Moneybags’ – the sobriquet of Israel’s wealthiest divorcee, who has a ‘squatter’s mansion’ sited in the occupied West Bank on lands usurped from the rightful Palestinian owners.
Bliar's ‘bollocks-deep’ close relation with the 69-year-old high society Candida Mingerot, who divorced her fifth ‘toy boy’ gigolo husband last year due his addiction to 'Slush' salty snacks, has led to speculations in the Israeli media that they are “having it off” - according to copycat reports appearing in Britain’s gutter press red top tabloids.
Ms Mingerot is the controversial head of a £1.3 zillion quid food company whose monopoly stranglehold and exorbitant prices recently triggered the biggest socio-economic protests in the outlaw Israeli regime's 63 year history – with thousands of disaffected peasants demonstrating outside the food empire’s corporate offices in Jerusalem and branding her as a ‘right greedy cunt’.
The gospel according to the yidster rumour mill, Bliar pays frequent ‘nocturnal’ visits to the occupied territories as the representative of the Middle East's so-called 'Quartet,' – which consists of the United Nations, the United States, the European Union and Russia.
However, one of Bliar’s aides confided to gossiping media hacks that the purpose of these covert after-dark excursions was to coordinate corruption discussions with the Palestinian Authority of how much it was going to cost the Ashkenazi ‘Jews of convenience’ running the Knesset in bribe money to maintain the God’s Chosen People / Manifest Destiny scam (supported with lashings of hasbara, chutzpah and hudaibiya) - and continue to steal the Palestinian’s lands in the West Bank for more illegal settlements without kick starting a Third Intifada - plus still ignore United Nations’ resolutions and international moral condemnation for the human rights and wrongs abuses visited daily upon the heads of the hapless and marginalised Palestinians.
Conversely, the money-grubbing Bliar’s highly suspicious overnight ‘meetings’ with the Bris Milah Foods heiress prompted Jenny Cidal, a columnist for the Hebrew language scandal sheet, the Meshuggenah Review, to write an open letter to Blair's equally-grasping wife Cherie earlier this year - warning her to keep a beady eye on her shifty prick of a gold-digging husband.
Alas, the hapless Cherie – cursed with a gob like a burst car tyre and a set of gnashers that have equipped her to eat an apple through a tennis racket – simply hasn’t the shekels to secure Tony’s mercenary fidelity – unlike the aptly-monikered ‘Miss Candida Moneybags’ who is reportedly wealthier than Croesus – a fact attributed to Tel Aviv banksters who confirmed she is ‘stinking rich’- with an emphasis on 'stinking'.
Mingerot inherited the processed foods conglomerate established by her father, Shylock, who managed to splice the DNA of an African elephant with that of a Saddleback pig to produce the ‘Spammoth’ – a genetically-modified mammalian organism that weighs in at two tons when butchered and can fill several thousand cans of ‘kosher' luncheon meat – marketed in Israel under the ‘Rabbi’s Delight’ label.
As to the shifty Bliar, this is not the first time he’s been caught up in a sex scandal – even when disregarding his suspect ‘nudge n fudge’ association with the self-outed raving poofter and felching addict Lord Peter Scandalson - aka Vermin in Ermine.
To kick start his life of crime, Bliar appeared before Bow Street magistrates court in 1983 for importuning (soliciting) man-on-man sex in and around London’s public lavatories under the name of Charles Lynton (his middle names) an offence of intended homosexual buggery for which the would-be sodomite was subsequently fined, and bound over to keep his cock in his pants in the presence of polite company for twelve months.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Catholic convert, career hypocrite and pathological fibster all rolled into one scumbag - Tony Bliar, the pro-Zionist conflict-promoting Middle East Peace Envoy, is reported to have developed an ‘intimate’ relationship with Candida Mingerot – aka ‘Miss Moneybags’ – the sobriquet of Israel’s wealthiest divorcee, who has a ‘squatter’s mansion’ sited in the occupied West Bank on lands usurped from the rightful Palestinian owners.
Bliar's ‘bollocks-deep’ close relation with the 69-year-old high society Candida Mingerot, who divorced her fifth ‘toy boy’ gigolo husband last year due his addiction to 'Slush' salty snacks, has led to speculations in the Israeli media that they are “having it off” - according to copycat reports appearing in Britain’s gutter press red top tabloids.
Ms Mingerot is the controversial head of a £1.3 zillion quid food company whose monopoly stranglehold and exorbitant prices recently triggered the biggest socio-economic protests in the outlaw Israeli regime's 63 year history – with thousands of disaffected peasants demonstrating outside the food empire’s corporate offices in Jerusalem and branding her as a ‘right greedy cunt’.
The gospel according to the yidster rumour mill, Bliar pays frequent ‘nocturnal’ visits to the occupied territories as the representative of the Middle East's so-called 'Quartet,' – which consists of the United Nations, the United States, the European Union and Russia.
However, one of Bliar’s aides confided to gossiping media hacks that the purpose of these covert after-dark excursions was to coordinate corruption discussions with the Palestinian Authority of how much it was going to cost the Ashkenazi ‘Jews of convenience’ running the Knesset in bribe money to maintain the God’s Chosen People / Manifest Destiny scam (supported with lashings of hasbara, chutzpah and hudaibiya) - and continue to steal the Palestinian’s lands in the West Bank for more illegal settlements without kick starting a Third Intifada - plus still ignore United Nations’ resolutions and international moral condemnation for the human rights and wrongs abuses visited daily upon the heads of the hapless and marginalised Palestinians.
Conversely, the money-grubbing Bliar’s highly suspicious overnight ‘meetings’ with the Bris Milah Foods heiress prompted Jenny Cidal, a columnist for the Hebrew language scandal sheet, the Meshuggenah Review, to write an open letter to Blair's equally-grasping wife Cherie earlier this year - warning her to keep a beady eye on her shifty prick of a gold-digging husband.
Alas, the hapless Cherie – cursed with a gob like a burst car tyre and a set of gnashers that have equipped her to eat an apple through a tennis racket – simply hasn’t the shekels to secure Tony’s mercenary fidelity – unlike the aptly-monikered ‘Miss Candida Moneybags’ who is reportedly wealthier than Croesus – a fact attributed to Tel Aviv banksters who confirmed she is ‘stinking rich’- with an emphasis on 'stinking'.
Mingerot inherited the processed foods conglomerate established by her father, Shylock, who managed to splice the DNA of an African elephant with that of a Saddleback pig to produce the ‘Spammoth’ – a genetically-modified mammalian organism that weighs in at two tons when butchered and can fill several thousand cans of ‘kosher' luncheon meat – marketed in Israel under the ‘Rabbi’s Delight’ label.
As to the shifty Bliar, this is not the first time he’s been caught up in a sex scandal – even when disregarding his suspect ‘nudge n fudge’ association with the self-outed raving poofter and felching addict Lord Peter Scandalson - aka Vermin in Ermine.
To kick start his life of crime, Bliar appeared before Bow Street magistrates court in 1983 for importuning (soliciting) man-on-man sex in and around London’s public lavatories under the name of Charles Lynton (his middle names) an offence of intended homosexual buggery for which the would-be sodomite was subsequently fined, and bound over to keep his cock in his pants in the presence of polite company for twelve months.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Welcome to Saudi Arabia: 1432
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Any Western bra-burning feminists or butch dyke types want to get to grips with the suppression of women’s rights? Just step right up and into the Islamic Time Machine and go back to the Dark Ages – 1432 to be precise, according to the numpty dumpty Ummul Qura calendar system – and take a trip to the totally retarded, male chauvinist-dominated Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
While their manky monarch, Abdullah bin Fat Git, has promised to franchise the nation’s marginalised women with the right to vote by 2015 (Julian calendar), no mention was made of relaxing the draconic rulings on wearing the stifling black body bags they refer to as ‘burkas’ – nor allowing Saudi womenfolk to drive a car or trot off down their local Greedy Grocer supermarket - unaccompanied by several of her male relatives - to buy a couple of packs of microwave-ready ‘Hungry Raghead’ insta-dinners.
Just to prove what a backward, Third World barbaric shithole the KSA really is, where Sharia Law surpasses all forms of rhetoric, logic and common sense, a religious court in jolly Jeddah has sentenced a woman, Sheima Jastania, to ten lashes for breaking the country's ban on female drivers.
The Saudi-based Women2Drive group, which campaigns for women to be allowed to get behind the wheel in the desert dump, has already lodged an appeal with the Mutaween religious police to present before the senior Sharia court cleric, Manuke ibn Zamel – which has as much chance of being successful as shoving butter up a meerkat’s arse with a red hot knitting needle.
Over the recent months, scores of women have driven vehicles around Saudi cities in a ‘felo-de-se’ effort to put pressure on the monarchy to change the law in their favour.
As a protest against Jastania’s sentence to be publicly flogged, the notorious Riyad-based masochist and career self-harmer Seenat Sharmuta, a leading women’s rights activist, apparently hijacked a double decker bus and drove around the city for several hours before being arrested.
In typical sadistic fashion, Sharmuta was beaten into silence when she started shouting “King Abdullah sucks – he promises us the vote in municipal elections and seats on civic councils but we can’t drive a car or go out by ourselves!”
Oh well, could be worse, considering you get a hand chopped off for shoplifting and stoned to death for adultery and dogging down at the local oasis.
Conversely, many Western male politicos have openly supported the Saudi policy of banning women drivers, stating for the public record such should be adopted globally.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Any Western bra-burning feminists or butch dyke types want to get to grips with the suppression of women’s rights? Just step right up and into the Islamic Time Machine and go back to the Dark Ages – 1432 to be precise, according to the numpty dumpty Ummul Qura calendar system – and take a trip to the totally retarded, male chauvinist-dominated Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
While their manky monarch, Abdullah bin Fat Git, has promised to franchise the nation’s marginalised women with the right to vote by 2015 (Julian calendar), no mention was made of relaxing the draconic rulings on wearing the stifling black body bags they refer to as ‘burkas’ – nor allowing Saudi womenfolk to drive a car or trot off down their local Greedy Grocer supermarket - unaccompanied by several of her male relatives - to buy a couple of packs of microwave-ready ‘Hungry Raghead’ insta-dinners.
Just to prove what a backward, Third World barbaric shithole the KSA really is, where Sharia Law surpasses all forms of rhetoric, logic and common sense, a religious court in jolly Jeddah has sentenced a woman, Sheima Jastania, to ten lashes for breaking the country's ban on female drivers.
The Saudi-based Women2Drive group, which campaigns for women to be allowed to get behind the wheel in the desert dump, has already lodged an appeal with the Mutaween religious police to present before the senior Sharia court cleric, Manuke ibn Zamel – which has as much chance of being successful as shoving butter up a meerkat’s arse with a red hot knitting needle.
Over the recent months, scores of women have driven vehicles around Saudi cities in a ‘felo-de-se’ effort to put pressure on the monarchy to change the law in their favour.
As a protest against Jastania’s sentence to be publicly flogged, the notorious Riyad-based masochist and career self-harmer Seenat Sharmuta, a leading women’s rights activist, apparently hijacked a double decker bus and drove around the city for several hours before being arrested.
In typical sadistic fashion, Sharmuta was beaten into silence when she started shouting “King Abdullah sucks – he promises us the vote in municipal elections and seats on civic councils but we can’t drive a car or go out by ourselves!”
Oh well, could be worse, considering you get a hand chopped off for shoplifting and stoned to death for adultery and dogging down at the local oasis.
Conversely, many Western male politicos have openly supported the Saudi policy of banning women drivers, stating for the public record such should be adopted globally.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Coverups Commission Clear Plods of GBH
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Greater Manchester Plod Squad officers who inflicted such a level of grievous bodily harm on a suspect that he required hospitalisation and surgery to remove his ruptured spleen, have been exonerated by the Independent Police Coverups Commission, who concluded there was no evidence excessive force was used during the arrest.
Ronnie McScrote and two other yobs – Jacko Skanger and Wilf Scallydale – all of the Stench Hill sink or swim council housing estate, claim the Greater Manchester Plod Squad’s uniformed thugs resorted to unwarranted violence when arresting the trio last year.
The IPCC watchdog spokeswoman, Ms Candida Mingerot informed one press hack from the Barbarians Gazette that they were initially concerned officers had stopped a recording of the bust operation of the trio being collared to conceal the level of gratuitous violence visited upon the suspects by the GMP’s psycho’s.
Apparently police commenced a surveillance operation of the three men on the 10th September 2010, after they were spotted scrutinising the route and schedule of a Mr Whippy ice cream van around Scumshawe Park while they were driving a Dinky Motors Smart car with an expired tax disc.
GMP spokesman Inspector Genghis McTwatt, told the media “These three unemployed tossers have a reputation for villainy – ranging from welfare benefit fraud to double parking - so we set up a stake-out and waited for them to blag the Mr Whippy vendor – which they did the next afternoon and were in the process of escaping with several double scoop 99’er cornets and two boxes of Choco Chip lollies when our lads pounced.”
“Regardless of shouts and protestations of “Yer stupid cunts, we’ve just paid fer all this!” our boys were hot to trot with their tasers and downed all three. Unfortunately the bloke walking his dog, who happened to record the arrests on his BlackBerry’s camera accidentally tripped over, and when PC Ratstamper went to assist the poor gentleman, unfortunately trod on his phone – several times.”
Firearms officer PC Harry ‘Pitbull’ Gnasher admitted giving McScrote a Chinese burn and a couple of kicks in the stomach after tasering him, as it was not known at the time whether the men were armed.
PC Gnasher testified before the IPCC board that the levels of force used to subdue the trio were ‘necessary and justified’ as two tennis rackets, a pogo stick and a spud peeler were later recovered from the trunk of their vehicle.
Evidence provided by Dr Winnebago Chuckabutty, the Scumshawe Hospital surgeon who operated on Ronnie McScrote confirmed that the rupture of his spleen was caused by repeated blunt force trauma to his abdomen – consistent with PC Gnasher putting the boot in.
However, the Independent Police Coverups Commission chairman Naseem Sleazebag told media hacks that: "These villains resisted arrest and we are content the officers used necessary and justified force to bring what was potentially a very dangerous situation under control."
Conversely, and on a critical note, Sleazebag suggested that the Plod Squad should put a stop to the practice of turning off their recording devices – and crunching the phones and cameras of passers-by who have filmed video evidence, as such would assist the investigations of future incidents - and remove the risk of the public believing that police had turned off their helmet cameras to hide the use of excessive force.”
"This was evidently not the case in this instance but these moronic plods need to wake up to the very obvious risks of giving the force a bad reputation following such behaviour – and actions like this can only foster a perception that the police are trying to cover something up."
"Especially so after crippling and killing so many innocent people over the past couple of years – Brazilian electricians and Big Issue news vendors - plus the recent clusterfuck murder of Mark Duggan in Tottenham that kick started National Riot Week in August and spoiled the Prime Minister’s vacation. How the hell the IPCC's expected to suppress the glaring evidence and sign off on that one as justified also, I really don't know.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Greater Manchester Plod Squad officers who inflicted such a level of grievous bodily harm on a suspect that he required hospitalisation and surgery to remove his ruptured spleen, have been exonerated by the Independent Police Coverups Commission, who concluded there was no evidence excessive force was used during the arrest.
Ronnie McScrote and two other yobs – Jacko Skanger and Wilf Scallydale – all of the Stench Hill sink or swim council housing estate, claim the Greater Manchester Plod Squad’s uniformed thugs resorted to unwarranted violence when arresting the trio last year.
The IPCC watchdog spokeswoman, Ms Candida Mingerot informed one press hack from the Barbarians Gazette that they were initially concerned officers had stopped a recording of the bust operation of the trio being collared to conceal the level of gratuitous violence visited upon the suspects by the GMP’s psycho’s.
Apparently police commenced a surveillance operation of the three men on the 10th September 2010, after they were spotted scrutinising the route and schedule of a Mr Whippy ice cream van around Scumshawe Park while they were driving a Dinky Motors Smart car with an expired tax disc.
GMP spokesman Inspector Genghis McTwatt, told the media “These three unemployed tossers have a reputation for villainy – ranging from welfare benefit fraud to double parking - so we set up a stake-out and waited for them to blag the Mr Whippy vendor – which they did the next afternoon and were in the process of escaping with several double scoop 99’er cornets and two boxes of Choco Chip lollies when our lads pounced.”
“Regardless of shouts and protestations of “Yer stupid cunts, we’ve just paid fer all this!” our boys were hot to trot with their tasers and downed all three. Unfortunately the bloke walking his dog, who happened to record the arrests on his BlackBerry’s camera accidentally tripped over, and when PC Ratstamper went to assist the poor gentleman, unfortunately trod on his phone – several times.”
Firearms officer PC Harry ‘Pitbull’ Gnasher admitted giving McScrote a Chinese burn and a couple of kicks in the stomach after tasering him, as it was not known at the time whether the men were armed.
PC Gnasher testified before the IPCC board that the levels of force used to subdue the trio were ‘necessary and justified’ as two tennis rackets, a pogo stick and a spud peeler were later recovered from the trunk of their vehicle.
Evidence provided by Dr Winnebago Chuckabutty, the Scumshawe Hospital surgeon who operated on Ronnie McScrote confirmed that the rupture of his spleen was caused by repeated blunt force trauma to his abdomen – consistent with PC Gnasher putting the boot in.
However, the Independent Police Coverups Commission chairman Naseem Sleazebag told media hacks that: "These villains resisted arrest and we are content the officers used necessary and justified force to bring what was potentially a very dangerous situation under control."
Conversely, and on a critical note, Sleazebag suggested that the Plod Squad should put a stop to the practice of turning off their recording devices – and crunching the phones and cameras of passers-by who have filmed video evidence, as such would assist the investigations of future incidents - and remove the risk of the public believing that police had turned off their helmet cameras to hide the use of excessive force.”
"This was evidently not the case in this instance but these moronic plods need to wake up to the very obvious risks of giving the force a bad reputation following such behaviour – and actions like this can only foster a perception that the police are trying to cover something up."
"Especially so after crippling and killing so many innocent people over the past couple of years – Brazilian electricians and Big Issue news vendors - plus the recent clusterfuck murder of Mark Duggan in Tottenham that kick started National Riot Week in August and spoiled the Prime Minister’s vacation. How the hell the IPCC's expected to suppress the glaring evidence and sign off on that one as justified also, I really don't know.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Ministry of Education Frowns on Witchcraft
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
A former Warlock Common teacher who clobbered members of the school’s staff with voodoo curses and threatened to shrink pupil’s heads was yesterday struck off the Ministry of Education tutor’s register for practicing witchcraft in the classroom – in total contravention of the official MoE curriculum.
The General Teaching Council (GTC) heard testimony from several witnesses that Ms. Medusa Jaffacake, an educational exchange project teacher from Haiti, where she had taught at Port-au-Prince’s prestigious Tonton Macoute Academy, had pulled hair from one disruptive pupil’s thick skull after he referred to her as ‘Old Warty’ and ‘a right ugly broomstick merchant’.
Apparently she wrapped the strand of hair around a voodoo doll's neck then pulled it tight – following which the 11-year old in question, Asbo Alf McScrote gasped for breath, keeled over, and coughed his last.
Popular rumour holds that the offending tutor boasted of being descended from Dahomey’s notorious 19th century witch doctor Twatcha N’kunta – the very miscreant blamed for the death of Aldous de Sleaze, the tyrannical Governor-General of the French colony in 1879, when he was stricken with a curse and his festoons of haemorrhoids turned septic then exploded.
Ms Jaffacake, who has since relocated to the Third World shithole of Benin, in West Africa, was charged with numerous counts of professional misconduct – including casting spells, cursing staff and pupils, and sticking pins in her collection of voodoo dolls. Further breaches of Department of Education and HSE regulations included keeping a black cat in her classroom – along with a bubbling cauldron filled with bat’s bollocks, toad’s tossers and snail snot.
The head teacher of Warlock Common, Irwin Bogbrush, gave evidence against Ms Jaffacake at the GTC hearing, relating that “She had this evil eye pendant hanging round her neck and just sat there and stared right through me when I tackled her over the reported abuses – flexing her fingers in front of me and making hex signs – and the next morning all my hair had fallen out. The bitch should have been drowned on a ducking stool – or burned at the stake – never mind struck off.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
A former Warlock Common teacher who clobbered members of the school’s staff with voodoo curses and threatened to shrink pupil’s heads was yesterday struck off the Ministry of Education tutor’s register for practicing witchcraft in the classroom – in total contravention of the official MoE curriculum.
The General Teaching Council (GTC) heard testimony from several witnesses that Ms. Medusa Jaffacake, an educational exchange project teacher from Haiti, where she had taught at Port-au-Prince’s prestigious Tonton Macoute Academy, had pulled hair from one disruptive pupil’s thick skull after he referred to her as ‘Old Warty’ and ‘a right ugly broomstick merchant’.
Apparently she wrapped the strand of hair around a voodoo doll's neck then pulled it tight – following which the 11-year old in question, Asbo Alf McScrote gasped for breath, keeled over, and coughed his last.
Popular rumour holds that the offending tutor boasted of being descended from Dahomey’s notorious 19th century witch doctor Twatcha N’kunta – the very miscreant blamed for the death of Aldous de Sleaze, the tyrannical Governor-General of the French colony in 1879, when he was stricken with a curse and his festoons of haemorrhoids turned septic then exploded.
Ms Jaffacake, who has since relocated to the Third World shithole of Benin, in West Africa, was charged with numerous counts of professional misconduct – including casting spells, cursing staff and pupils, and sticking pins in her collection of voodoo dolls. Further breaches of Department of Education and HSE regulations included keeping a black cat in her classroom – along with a bubbling cauldron filled with bat’s bollocks, toad’s tossers and snail snot.
The head teacher of Warlock Common, Irwin Bogbrush, gave evidence against Ms Jaffacake at the GTC hearing, relating that “She had this evil eye pendant hanging round her neck and just sat there and stared right through me when I tackled her over the reported abuses – flexing her fingers in front of me and making hex signs – and the next morning all my hair had fallen out. The bitch should have been drowned on a ducking stool – or burned at the stake – never mind struck off.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Scameron Launches ‘Great’ Campaign
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Leaving out his asinine Big Society soundbite mantra for a change, and any repeats of the recent condemnations regarding our ‘sick society’ or ‘Broken Britain’, PM Posh Dave Scameron has launched a ‘GREAT’ campaign to promote our sceptred isle abroad, to tie in with next year's London Olympics and the Royal Parasite’s Diamond Jubilee, which is scheduled to take place from the 2nd until the 5th of June 2012 (peasants not invited) - with the Olympics running from 27th July to the 12th of August – false flag Islamic terrorist attacks – courtesy of the manky Mossad - permitting.
These events will be followed by the Para-Gimpics, set to take place from the 29th of August through to the 9th September - when Oleg Mobsaroubles’ Gulag Gaz will cut off the fuel supply to the Olympic flame as London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and Co can’t afford to pay the outrageous bill.
The ‘GREAT’ campaign hopes to create a £1 zillion quid boost for such Metropolitan business enterprises as hotels, muggers, drug dealers, rub n tug massage salons and the City’s hookers and call boys – and also import four trillion extra foreign tourists to add their fectal contributions to the UK’s already-overloaded sewage waste treatment plants.
The Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next has been concerned that the August riots in several English cities may well have created something of a negative image abroad which needs to be overcome – as they don’t want tourists arriving here with the idea in their head that they can join in the melee and cop for a spot of looting then grab a nice HD digital flat screen 60 inch Sony telly to take home as a souvenir.
In a speech last week to the House of Conmans, Scameron said: "In 2012 there will be only one place to be – apart from Butlins in Tuscany – and that will be London for Lizzie’s jubilee and the Olympics spectacular.”
“There’s so much good shit to do in Britain and we want to send out the message loud and clear that this is a great place to visit and get mugged - or come and study – especially now our university fees have just been hiked to £9,000 quid per annum.”
Posters featuring, among other dickheads, greedster tycoon Richard Branson; the Heath Robinson style bog-standard DIY bodgers Wallace and Gromit - and celebrity aristocratic adulterer and bigamist, King Henry VIII - who died of syphilis - have been moronically designed to sell ‘Great’ British attributes.
Conversely critics, and their numbers are veritably legion, claim the Libservative Coalition’s ‘Shopping is Great’ poster puts an emphasis of social acceptance on material greed and being a spendthrift wastrel, loading up the plastic fantastic on all kinds of ostentatious crap during an ever-deepening world depression- and while local authorities are hoofing folks out of their homes as they can’t pay the rent.
Likewise with the duplicitous hypocrisy of the ‘Green is Great’ countryside advert displaying arbours, fields and lakes - as the Libservatives plan to cut down the nation’s iconic Doggers Woods to make space for a bunch more cheapo-build council housing estates right across our once sceptred isle’s hills and dales – to house evicted pikeys and other assorted illegal immigrants claiming refugee status.
Culture Secretary Fellattia Titwank told one press hack from the Bullshit Review that "This isn’t simply about re-branding Britain. It’s using our brand to decry the fact that our export trade is monopolised by arms sales to Third World Arab despots and totalitarian regimes in the Middle East.”
“So all the foreign tourists that come here for the Jubilee and Olympics are set to get hammered with a veritable tsunami of positive propaganda to make sure we can put the record straight after the terrible riots last August which created a negative impression abroad that people in Britain aren’t too happy with the way Mr Scameron’s coalition government are running the country.”
However British design critic and celebrity graffiti artist Wanksy was not enthused by the display, telling the Daily Shitraker: "From wot I can see, effin’ Britain don’t do real ‘Great’ ad’s an’ posters. It’s not the agency wot’s fucked up, it’s the effin’ client in Downin’ Street tryin’ ter focus attention an’ admiration of the trite and bleedin’ obvious. Just typical of yer public school oicks."
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Leaving out his asinine Big Society soundbite mantra for a change, and any repeats of the recent condemnations regarding our ‘sick society’ or ‘Broken Britain’, PM Posh Dave Scameron has launched a ‘GREAT’ campaign to promote our sceptred isle abroad, to tie in with next year's London Olympics and the Royal Parasite’s Diamond Jubilee, which is scheduled to take place from the 2nd until the 5th of June 2012 (peasants not invited) - with the Olympics running from 27th July to the 12th of August – false flag Islamic terrorist attacks – courtesy of the manky Mossad - permitting.
These events will be followed by the Para-Gimpics, set to take place from the 29th of August through to the 9th September - when Oleg Mobsaroubles’ Gulag Gaz will cut off the fuel supply to the Olympic flame as London Mayor Bonkers Boris Nonsense and Co can’t afford to pay the outrageous bill.
The ‘GREAT’ campaign hopes to create a £1 zillion quid boost for such Metropolitan business enterprises as hotels, muggers, drug dealers, rub n tug massage salons and the City’s hookers and call boys – and also import four trillion extra foreign tourists to add their fectal contributions to the UK’s already-overloaded sewage waste treatment plants.
The Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next has been concerned that the August riots in several English cities may well have created something of a negative image abroad which needs to be overcome – as they don’t want tourists arriving here with the idea in their head that they can join in the melee and cop for a spot of looting then grab a nice HD digital flat screen 60 inch Sony telly to take home as a souvenir.
In a speech last week to the House of Conmans, Scameron said: "In 2012 there will be only one place to be – apart from Butlins in Tuscany – and that will be London for Lizzie’s jubilee and the Olympics spectacular.”
“There’s so much good shit to do in Britain and we want to send out the message loud and clear that this is a great place to visit and get mugged - or come and study – especially now our university fees have just been hiked to £9,000 quid per annum.”
Posters featuring, among other dickheads, greedster tycoon Richard Branson; the Heath Robinson style bog-standard DIY bodgers Wallace and Gromit - and celebrity aristocratic adulterer and bigamist, King Henry VIII - who died of syphilis - have been moronically designed to sell ‘Great’ British attributes.
Conversely critics, and their numbers are veritably legion, claim the Libservative Coalition’s ‘Shopping is Great’ poster puts an emphasis of social acceptance on material greed and being a spendthrift wastrel, loading up the plastic fantastic on all kinds of ostentatious crap during an ever-deepening world depression- and while local authorities are hoofing folks out of their homes as they can’t pay the rent.
Likewise with the duplicitous hypocrisy of the ‘Green is Great’ countryside advert displaying arbours, fields and lakes - as the Libservatives plan to cut down the nation’s iconic Doggers Woods to make space for a bunch more cheapo-build council housing estates right across our once sceptred isle’s hills and dales – to house evicted pikeys and other assorted illegal immigrants claiming refugee status.
Culture Secretary Fellattia Titwank told one press hack from the Bullshit Review that "This isn’t simply about re-branding Britain. It’s using our brand to decry the fact that our export trade is monopolised by arms sales to Third World Arab despots and totalitarian regimes in the Middle East.”
“So all the foreign tourists that come here for the Jubilee and Olympics are set to get hammered with a veritable tsunami of positive propaganda to make sure we can put the record straight after the terrible riots last August which created a negative impression abroad that people in Britain aren’t too happy with the way Mr Scameron’s coalition government are running the country.”
However British design critic and celebrity graffiti artist Wanksy was not enthused by the display, telling the Daily Shitraker: "From wot I can see, effin’ Britain don’t do real ‘Great’ ad’s an’ posters. It’s not the agency wot’s fucked up, it’s the effin’ client in Downin’ Street tryin’ ter focus attention an’ admiration of the trite and bleedin’ obvious. Just typical of yer public school oicks."
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
London’s Talking Trash Bins ‘Rubbished’
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The moronic imbeciles infesting the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money, following a consultation with London Mayor, Bonkers Boris de Piffle Nonsense, have commissioned – at great cost to the hapless public – the ‘Keep Britain Tidy’ and ‘Sing London’ organisations to jointly expedite and manage an insane rubbish recycling project for the Queen’s 2012 Jubilee and Olympic Games.
The initial trial will involve 25 ‘talking’ litter bins installed around central London this October, with the recorded voices of egoistic media personalities and the rich and shameless, congratulating the commuting public, shoppers and tourists alike for throwing their garbage rubbish away responsibly – with such meritorious remarks as “Well done!” and “Good dog!” harked by His Royal Parasiteness Prince Chazzer – and “Howzat!” from ace England cricketer Bazzer McScrote exclaimed when the items of trash are successfully pitched and slam-dunked through an electronic basketball hoop and drop into the bin.
The celebrity London Pro-Dominatrix owner of the elite Chelsea-based Spankarama Dungeons, Ms Fellattia Titwank, has recorded a message for the project saying "Oh yes – in the right hole first time!"
Conversely if the item of garbage misses the receptacle then the sensor software fitted in the bins has been programmed to issue a stream of critical and derogatory comments – including “Yer blind cunt!” and “Useless twat – try it again!”
Several of the bins have been programmed to burst into song when litter is tossed into them – with medleys including the hit single "Living on a Landfill" - and "Crap keeps falling on my Head" – by Gladys Shite and the Grottmeisters.
As the bins are designed solely for recyclable materials, there are software and hardware functions to reject any ‘poop scoop’ bags of canine cack tossed into the units – which will utter a recorded verbal reprimand from Baron John ‘Wot Pies?’ Prescott, stating in his customary gruff and vulgar Yorkshire accent “Hey, yer tosser – it sez no dog shit!” – at which point the offending bag of scooped poop will be automatically ejected back in the direction of the delinquent culprit at high velocity.
Others who have recorded messages include the voice of ex-Tory MP and celebrity perjurer Jeffrey Archer - plus a fantastic barber’s shop duet by Bosnian-Serb war criminals, Goran Hadzic and Ratko Mladic, who took time away from their crimes against humanity trials in the Hague to record their ditty – and last but not least, Nelson Mandela’s contribution - rumoured to be a take on a Bob Marley Jamaican calypso theme - backed by the Lesotho Massed Vuvuleza Pipe Band.
Conversely, forever the sore loser and all-round stick-in-the-mud, the ex-London Mayor ‘Red Ken’ Livingstone opined to one press hack from the Daily Shitraker “What a load of bollocks and waste of fucking money. Talking rubbish bins indeed – it’s another of Bonkers Boris’s cheap gimmicks like his barmy bike scheme.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The moronic imbeciles infesting the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money, following a consultation with London Mayor, Bonkers Boris de Piffle Nonsense, have commissioned – at great cost to the hapless public – the ‘Keep Britain Tidy’ and ‘Sing London’ organisations to jointly expedite and manage an insane rubbish recycling project for the Queen’s 2012 Jubilee and Olympic Games.
The initial trial will involve 25 ‘talking’ litter bins installed around central London this October, with the recorded voices of egoistic media personalities and the rich and shameless, congratulating the commuting public, shoppers and tourists alike for throwing their garbage rubbish away responsibly – with such meritorious remarks as “Well done!” and “Good dog!” harked by His Royal Parasiteness Prince Chazzer – and “Howzat!” from ace England cricketer Bazzer McScrote exclaimed when the items of trash are successfully pitched and slam-dunked through an electronic basketball hoop and drop into the bin.
The celebrity London Pro-Dominatrix owner of the elite Chelsea-based Spankarama Dungeons, Ms Fellattia Titwank, has recorded a message for the project saying "Oh yes – in the right hole first time!"
Conversely if the item of garbage misses the receptacle then the sensor software fitted in the bins has been programmed to issue a stream of critical and derogatory comments – including “Yer blind cunt!” and “Useless twat – try it again!”
Several of the bins have been programmed to burst into song when litter is tossed into them – with medleys including the hit single "Living on a Landfill" - and "Crap keeps falling on my Head" – by Gladys Shite and the Grottmeisters.
As the bins are designed solely for recyclable materials, there are software and hardware functions to reject any ‘poop scoop’ bags of canine cack tossed into the units – which will utter a recorded verbal reprimand from Baron John ‘Wot Pies?’ Prescott, stating in his customary gruff and vulgar Yorkshire accent “Hey, yer tosser – it sez no dog shit!” – at which point the offending bag of scooped poop will be automatically ejected back in the direction of the delinquent culprit at high velocity.
Others who have recorded messages include the voice of ex-Tory MP and celebrity perjurer Jeffrey Archer - plus a fantastic barber’s shop duet by Bosnian-Serb war criminals, Goran Hadzic and Ratko Mladic, who took time away from their crimes against humanity trials in the Hague to record their ditty – and last but not least, Nelson Mandela’s contribution - rumoured to be a take on a Bob Marley Jamaican calypso theme - backed by the Lesotho Massed Vuvuleza Pipe Band.
Conversely, forever the sore loser and all-round stick-in-the-mud, the ex-London Mayor ‘Red Ken’ Livingstone opined to one press hack from the Daily Shitraker “What a load of bollocks and waste of fucking money. Talking rubbish bins indeed – it’s another of Bonkers Boris’s cheap gimmicks like his barmy bike scheme.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Monday, 26 September 2011
Tory Hypocrisy Scores Top Points
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The residents of the village of Old Scrotum in Gloucestershire have branded their local Tory MP, Neil Carmichael, as a two-faced hypocrite and all-round scumbag – plus a pick n mix selection of other ‘unpublishable’ expletive sobriquets – including Townswomen’s Guild spokesperson Mrs Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle’s public opinion of “He’s just like that other duplicitous toffee-nosed twat David Scameron – a cunt in cunt’s clothing.”
When they launched a community campaign in 2010 to halt the erection of a forest of giant wind turbines that threatened to make a total bollocks of their sweeping verdant Berkeley Vale landscape vista - which forms part of the Cotswold Area of Natural Outstanding Beauty – the opportunist Carmichael threw his two-penneth of support behind the effort – while failing to inform his constituents of the contentious – nay scandalous ‘conflict of interest’ fact he was covertly engaged in talks to erect an eyesore profusion of 410 feet-tall wind turbines on land belonging to him personally in Northumberland.
Unbeknown to the residents of Old Scrotum, the shifty Carmichael had struck a deal with the Kraut-owned energy giant RWE N-Power to site their planned wind farm on his own land at Smegmadale Head Farm, prompting comments that his real constituency seemed to be a foreign owned electricity company and not the British voting electorate.
In like fashion to his Gloucestershire constituents, the legion of opponents to the Northumberland plans have cancelled the Tory politician’s passport to social acceptance and labelled him a ‘right prick’ - and claimed his proposals would destroy their area's rural character forever.
The proposed wind farm turbines are to be sited close to the Smegmadale Pike conservation area - less than a stone’s throw from the Doggers Wood estate, where Lancelot ‘Culpability' Brown, the eighteenth-century landscape artist, was arrested by the local tipshaft in 1732 when caught in the act of buggering a sheep – doggy style.
While still a Conservative candidate at last year's general election, and full of campaign trail bloviating canvass blather, when he was publicly questioned regarding his stance on renewable energy sources and the actual siting of wind farms, Carmichael had the flagrant and insolent audacity to describe the single turbine sitting atop Tory leader Posh Dave Scameron’s roof in North Kensington as a ‘monstrosity’ and a ‘cheap gimmick’.
Further to his ignominy, Carmichael’s conflict of interest criterion arises from the fact he is a member of the House of Conmans’ Environmental Audit Committee – who are, to all intents and purposes, tasked with monitoring the worthiness of all government department activity from the perspective of cutting carbon emissions via green energy renewables - and all too obviously sniffing out lucrative money-spinning deals with the power generation industry for themselves.
Conversely, Carmichael's argument in his defence against being classed as an untrustworthy hypocritical twat is that many proposed wind farm schemes in Gloucestershire border on the Cotswolds Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty - whereas his proposed deal with RWE N-Power around Smegmadale Pike and Doggers Wood in Northumberland has no such concerns as nobody voted for him up there.
The Renewable Energy Foundation has estimated that each of the proposed turbines at Smegmadale Head Farm would generate around £100 quid per hour when working – (and under the National Grid’s moronic shut-down auction scheme - £999 quid an hour when not working) - with £60,000 nicker per annum, minimum, going into Carmichael’s pocket.
In the face of rising opposition - and the portentous, threatening prospect of local elections coming up - the Northumberland County Council has, with self-preservation aforethought, now refused planning permission for the scheme. However, RWE N-Power has resorted to ‘whinge’ mode and is appealing against the decision - and testing the waters to see who on the Planning Department’s senior staff is up for accepting a hefty bribe – or susceptible to blackmail for their after-dark carnal antics in Doggers Wood.
* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The residents of the village of Old Scrotum in Gloucestershire have branded their local Tory MP, Neil Carmichael, as a two-faced hypocrite and all-round scumbag – plus a pick n mix selection of other ‘unpublishable’ expletive sobriquets – including Townswomen’s Guild spokesperson Mrs Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle’s public opinion of “He’s just like that other duplicitous toffee-nosed twat David Scameron – a cunt in cunt’s clothing.”
When they launched a community campaign in 2010 to halt the erection of a forest of giant wind turbines that threatened to make a total bollocks of their sweeping verdant Berkeley Vale landscape vista - which forms part of the Cotswold Area of Natural Outstanding Beauty – the opportunist Carmichael threw his two-penneth of support behind the effort – while failing to inform his constituents of the contentious – nay scandalous ‘conflict of interest’ fact he was covertly engaged in talks to erect an eyesore profusion of 410 feet-tall wind turbines on land belonging to him personally in Northumberland.
Unbeknown to the residents of Old Scrotum, the shifty Carmichael had struck a deal with the Kraut-owned energy giant RWE N-Power to site their planned wind farm on his own land at Smegmadale Head Farm, prompting comments that his real constituency seemed to be a foreign owned electricity company and not the British voting electorate.
In like fashion to his Gloucestershire constituents, the legion of opponents to the Northumberland plans have cancelled the Tory politician’s passport to social acceptance and labelled him a ‘right prick’ - and claimed his proposals would destroy their area's rural character forever.
The proposed wind farm turbines are to be sited close to the Smegmadale Pike conservation area - less than a stone’s throw from the Doggers Wood estate, where Lancelot ‘Culpability' Brown, the eighteenth-century landscape artist, was arrested by the local tipshaft in 1732 when caught in the act of buggering a sheep – doggy style.
While still a Conservative candidate at last year's general election, and full of campaign trail bloviating canvass blather, when he was publicly questioned regarding his stance on renewable energy sources and the actual siting of wind farms, Carmichael had the flagrant and insolent audacity to describe the single turbine sitting atop Tory leader Posh Dave Scameron’s roof in North Kensington as a ‘monstrosity’ and a ‘cheap gimmick’.
Further to his ignominy, Carmichael’s conflict of interest criterion arises from the fact he is a member of the House of Conmans’ Environmental Audit Committee – who are, to all intents and purposes, tasked with monitoring the worthiness of all government department activity from the perspective of cutting carbon emissions via green energy renewables - and all too obviously sniffing out lucrative money-spinning deals with the power generation industry for themselves.
Conversely, Carmichael's argument in his defence against being classed as an untrustworthy hypocritical twat is that many proposed wind farm schemes in Gloucestershire border on the Cotswolds Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty - whereas his proposed deal with RWE N-Power around Smegmadale Pike and Doggers Wood in Northumberland has no such concerns as nobody voted for him up there.
The Renewable Energy Foundation has estimated that each of the proposed turbines at Smegmadale Head Farm would generate around £100 quid per hour when working – (and under the National Grid’s moronic shut-down auction scheme - £999 quid an hour when not working) - with £60,000 nicker per annum, minimum, going into Carmichael’s pocket.
In the face of rising opposition - and the portentous, threatening prospect of local elections coming up - the Northumberland County Council has, with self-preservation aforethought, now refused planning permission for the scheme. However, RWE N-Power has resorted to ‘whinge’ mode and is appealing against the decision - and testing the waters to see who on the Planning Department’s senior staff is up for accepting a hefty bribe – or susceptible to blackmail for their after-dark carnal antics in Doggers Wood.
* Carbon Credit Offset / Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Global Warming / Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals - otters or voles - were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Sunday, 25 September 2011
UK Burglars Get HSE ‘Stay Safe’ Advice
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Alarmed by the burgeoning number of marginalised burglars being disarmed of their weapons and then actually assaulted with the same ‘pick n mix’ selection of knives and blunt instruments they were toting by inconsiderate home owners over recent weeks, the Greater Manchester Plod Squad, in conjunction with the North West’s Health & Safety Executive, is promoting a scheme which they hope will reduce the fatality frequency of burglars and other like-minded scallies turning up in coffins.
Concern has been focused on the numbers of burglary culprits ending up at their local A & E units, battered all to fuck, with claw hammers sticking out of their skulls – and even worse, on a cold mortuary slab after they ventured out during the hours of darkness on a breaking and entering excursion to support their booze and drug habits - which are unfortunately no longer financed by the state since our draconian Libservative Coalition government slashed the country’s social welfare benefits system to shreds.
HSE spokeswoman Fellattia Titwank, speaking to one press hack from the Robbing Gits Review, related they intend to initiate a ‘Better Safe Than Sorry’ campaign following the knifing deaths of a trio of moronic scrotes from Manchester’s Stench Hill and Scumshawe sink or swim council housing estates in three separate breaking and entry / daylight robbery incidents since June.
“We must recognise the fact that these amateur villains are getting into a felonious line of work that carries the occupational hazard of being butchered by their intended victims.”
“Hence we propose to instruct them perform an in-depth risk assessment prior to smashing a window and climbing through – only to be confronted by Cujo’s brother – or the pointed end of an assegai.”
“Really, it’s all too easy if they stop and think. Does the owner look like a bit of a handy sod? Is he a gym-going type? That’s what we’re going to try and instil in their thick skulls with this project - do a spot more fieldwork and research before they go and moronically try to burgle the house of world cage fighting supremo Genghis ‘Pitbull’ McThumper – and end up in a body bag .”
“Plus, there’s a stack of self-help precautions they can do to prepare for things going wrong. Get covered with personal accident and public liability insurance policies – and kit themselves out with a first-aid pack from Poundland – plus a good tourniquet. Have their blood group tattooed on their left forearm. And of course, last but not least, the way home-owners seem to be taking the initiative and getting into the fray of things rather than submit to being mugged or robbed – buy themselves a military quality stab vest and a snug fit safety helmet.”
“My advice to any scrote bent on a spot of burglary is most definitely not to break into some pensioner’s place while they’re watching Death Wish 1 on the goggle box.”
Such was instanced recently in the case of 16-year old Jason Scrotebury, an unemployed skateboard mechanic, who broke into a senior citizen’s bungalow in Numpbury Edge in Cheshire, stuffed himself on tucker out of the fridge, swigged back a couple of bottles of Meths Breezer, then did a Goldilocks and crashed out on the sofa for an Irish power nap.
Four hours later, 69-year old Mrs Candida Mingerot came back home from her Taekwondo lessons, found the moronic Jason slonked out on her couch, and beat him over his hapless head with her Volaris Rollator GT model wheeled walking frame – causing even further brain damage than was already present.
Do you live in a high risk burglary area? Should home owners post warning signs on their front gates to dissuade burglary attempts? “There is Nothing in Here Worth Risking Your Life For!” or “This Property is Guarded by Messers Smith & Wesson!”
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win one of our scrote-eating Grotweillers.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Alarmed by the burgeoning number of marginalised burglars being disarmed of their weapons and then actually assaulted with the same ‘pick n mix’ selection of knives and blunt instruments they were toting by inconsiderate home owners over recent weeks, the Greater Manchester Plod Squad, in conjunction with the North West’s Health & Safety Executive, is promoting a scheme which they hope will reduce the fatality frequency of burglars and other like-minded scallies turning up in coffins.
Concern has been focused on the numbers of burglary culprits ending up at their local A & E units, battered all to fuck, with claw hammers sticking out of their skulls – and even worse, on a cold mortuary slab after they ventured out during the hours of darkness on a breaking and entering excursion to support their booze and drug habits - which are unfortunately no longer financed by the state since our draconian Libservative Coalition government slashed the country’s social welfare benefits system to shreds.
HSE spokeswoman Fellattia Titwank, speaking to one press hack from the Robbing Gits Review, related they intend to initiate a ‘Better Safe Than Sorry’ campaign following the knifing deaths of a trio of moronic scrotes from Manchester’s Stench Hill and Scumshawe sink or swim council housing estates in three separate breaking and entry / daylight robbery incidents since June.
“We must recognise the fact that these amateur villains are getting into a felonious line of work that carries the occupational hazard of being butchered by their intended victims.”
“Hence we propose to instruct them perform an in-depth risk assessment prior to smashing a window and climbing through – only to be confronted by Cujo’s brother – or the pointed end of an assegai.”
“Really, it’s all too easy if they stop and think. Does the owner look like a bit of a handy sod? Is he a gym-going type? That’s what we’re going to try and instil in their thick skulls with this project - do a spot more fieldwork and research before they go and moronically try to burgle the house of world cage fighting supremo Genghis ‘Pitbull’ McThumper – and end up in a body bag .”
“Plus, there’s a stack of self-help precautions they can do to prepare for things going wrong. Get covered with personal accident and public liability insurance policies – and kit themselves out with a first-aid pack from Poundland – plus a good tourniquet. Have their blood group tattooed on their left forearm. And of course, last but not least, the way home-owners seem to be taking the initiative and getting into the fray of things rather than submit to being mugged or robbed – buy themselves a military quality stab vest and a snug fit safety helmet.”
“My advice to any scrote bent on a spot of burglary is most definitely not to break into some pensioner’s place while they’re watching Death Wish 1 on the goggle box.”
Such was instanced recently in the case of 16-year old Jason Scrotebury, an unemployed skateboard mechanic, who broke into a senior citizen’s bungalow in Numpbury Edge in Cheshire, stuffed himself on tucker out of the fridge, swigged back a couple of bottles of Meths Breezer, then did a Goldilocks and crashed out on the sofa for an Irish power nap.
Four hours later, 69-year old Mrs Candida Mingerot came back home from her Taekwondo lessons, found the moronic Jason slonked out on her couch, and beat him over his hapless head with her Volaris Rollator GT model wheeled walking frame – causing even further brain damage than was already present.
Do you live in a high risk burglary area? Should home owners post warning signs on their front gates to dissuade burglary attempts? “There is Nothing in Here Worth Risking Your Life For!” or “This Property is Guarded by Messers Smith & Wesson!”
Send your comments using the online reply form below and you could win one of our scrote-eating Grotweillers.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Saturday, 24 September 2011
Spot NASA's UR-ARSE Satellite
Flatbrokes, the UK's ubiquitous High Street betting shop chain, today started running a top-odds 'Spot the Impact Point' book on where NASA's feral weather satellite is going to crash into the planet at several zillion miles per hour and, at best, kinetic energy besides, make a big splash - or a whopping hole in the ground - hopefully in some uninhabited corner of our pale blue dot.
While able to calculate the precise global position, date and time of Asteroid X colliding with the Earth after blazing a trail from the far side of the known Universe and through our solar system, much to the collective anxiety and chagrin of the more pessimistic and paranoid sectors of the global population, the beardies and anoraks staffing the ranks of NASA are still unable to predict with any modicum of certainty the actual impact point of the doomed six ton UR-ARSE weather satellite.
Frank McSkanger, editor of ‘Armageddon Now’ magazine, opined to media hacks that: “Fer fuck’s sake, it’s worse than the old party game of pinnin’ the tail on the donkey while wearin’ an effin’ blindfold. These twats at NASA are supposed ter have more degrees than an effin’ thermometer – so why the fuck can’t they come up wiv nowt better than ‘guesstimates’. I mean ter say, it’s not exactly rocket science, is it?”
Alas, Frank, that’s the problem – it is.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
While able to calculate the precise global position, date and time of Asteroid X colliding with the Earth after blazing a trail from the far side of the known Universe and through our solar system, much to the collective anxiety and chagrin of the more pessimistic and paranoid sectors of the global population, the beardies and anoraks staffing the ranks of NASA are still unable to predict with any modicum of certainty the actual impact point of the doomed six ton UR-ARSE weather satellite.
Frank McSkanger, editor of ‘Armageddon Now’ magazine, opined to media hacks that: “Fer fuck’s sake, it’s worse than the old party game of pinnin’ the tail on the donkey while wearin’ an effin’ blindfold. These twats at NASA are supposed ter have more degrees than an effin’ thermometer – so why the fuck can’t they come up wiv nowt better than ‘guesstimates’. I mean ter say, it’s not exactly rocket science, is it?”
Alas, Frank, that’s the problem – it is.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.
Hard Sell Chuggers Face Fines
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Charities employing overly-aggressive street fundraisers, or ‘chuggers’ will henceforth face fines for their supplicating ‘bully n beg’ tactics on the UK’s High Streets.
Smegmadale Council, concerned that collectors are dissuading people from visiting the town to shop and run up lots of credit card debt, has e-mailed the entire caboodle of Britain’s innumerable charities, warning they risk a fine of up to £500 quid if pedestrian shoppers file a complaint regarding their hard sell solicitations.
The ‘Begging Gits’ by-law passed by the council in 2010 states that no person in the street or a public place should solicit custom for a service or seek to gather information in such a manner as to cause an obstruction - or to give reason for annoyance – aside from the town’s regular crew of prostitutes who have a living to make and pay their dues – unlike tax-exempt mendicant charities.
The gospel according to the Register of Charities, there are currently 166,081 main charities, and 22,980 subsidiary and constituent charities, making a total of 189,061 of the begging bowl scrounger outfits infesting our once green and pleasant land.
Council spokesperson Candida Mingerot informed one press hack from the Killjoys Gazette that offending chuggers would be arrested and taken to court if it was found they contravened the new by-laws.
However, the Public Begging Association (PBA) informed the Moochers Review that they were disappointed at the news of the legislation – which was estimated to become the norm in all towns across the UK.
PBA director Baz McCadger, expressed the opinion that “Wot the fuck’s gonna happen ter all the effin’ polar bears if the icecap melts – tell me that then – who the fuck’s gonna look after ‘em? Same wiv the effin’ penguins as well – they can only swim fer so fuckin’ long then they need ter get out fer an effin’ rest – an’ how the fuck they gonna do that wiv no effin’ ice shelf ter have a waddle around on?”
“This is why we need ter collect donations an’ build a polar bear an’ penguin refuge up in the mountains somewhere fer when the shit hits the fan an’ global warmin’ really kicks in. That’s the problem wiv this lot on the council here in Smegmadale, they don’t give a flying fuck about penguins cos they don’t vote.”
Conversely, Council Chairwoman Mrs Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle told the media “Who wants to be confronted with a horrid hippy type with a week’s growth of stubble on his chin and smelly armpits, hovering over you in an intimidating manner and rattling his leper’s tin in your face - then demanding money for some innominate charity that caters for myopic cormorants? This type of anti-social misbehaviour constitutes outright extortion.”
Smegmadale Council’s first arrest was expedited earlier this week when two of the town’s Community Enforcement Officers (formerly traffic wardens), on hire from Renta-Moron, collared Lenny McTwatt and his crew of Ox-Rat charity chuggers who collectively left Smegmadale University in July with more degrees than a thermometer – none of which august qualifications served to secure gainful employment for them in the real world.
Lenny - whose award-winning thesis on the incidence of night blindness in the female gender of the Lesser Spotted Arctic Lemming once got him a temporary post as a mobile library assistant in the Outer Hebrides - has been on Job-Avoiders Allowance for the past three years and decided to spend a gap year as a charity chugger to get the hang of the professional side of begging - to prepare him for a life-long career of unemployment.
When he approached Mrs Agnes Titwank, a 69-year old pensioner, on Scavvies Lane and propositioned her with the choice of donating a few bob to the Save a Lemming Fund or get her Zimmer frame kicked from under her, the lady zapped him with her 'Granny's Friend' 50,000 volt ‘Scally-Killer’ taser unit then gave him a taste of pepper spray full in the face before calling the local Plod Squad for assistance.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Charities employing overly-aggressive street fundraisers, or ‘chuggers’ will henceforth face fines for their supplicating ‘bully n beg’ tactics on the UK’s High Streets.
Smegmadale Council, concerned that collectors are dissuading people from visiting the town to shop and run up lots of credit card debt, has e-mailed the entire caboodle of Britain’s innumerable charities, warning they risk a fine of up to £500 quid if pedestrian shoppers file a complaint regarding their hard sell solicitations.
The ‘Begging Gits’ by-law passed by the council in 2010 states that no person in the street or a public place should solicit custom for a service or seek to gather information in such a manner as to cause an obstruction - or to give reason for annoyance – aside from the town’s regular crew of prostitutes who have a living to make and pay their dues – unlike tax-exempt mendicant charities.
The gospel according to the Register of Charities, there are currently 166,081 main charities, and 22,980 subsidiary and constituent charities, making a total of 189,061 of the begging bowl scrounger outfits infesting our once green and pleasant land.
Council spokesperson Candida Mingerot informed one press hack from the Killjoys Gazette that offending chuggers would be arrested and taken to court if it was found they contravened the new by-laws.
However, the Public Begging Association (PBA) informed the Moochers Review that they were disappointed at the news of the legislation – which was estimated to become the norm in all towns across the UK.
PBA director Baz McCadger, expressed the opinion that “Wot the fuck’s gonna happen ter all the effin’ polar bears if the icecap melts – tell me that then – who the fuck’s gonna look after ‘em? Same wiv the effin’ penguins as well – they can only swim fer so fuckin’ long then they need ter get out fer an effin’ rest – an’ how the fuck they gonna do that wiv no effin’ ice shelf ter have a waddle around on?”
“This is why we need ter collect donations an’ build a polar bear an’ penguin refuge up in the mountains somewhere fer when the shit hits the fan an’ global warmin’ really kicks in. That’s the problem wiv this lot on the council here in Smegmadale, they don’t give a flying fuck about penguins cos they don’t vote.”
Conversely, Council Chairwoman Mrs Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle told the media “Who wants to be confronted with a horrid hippy type with a week’s growth of stubble on his chin and smelly armpits, hovering over you in an intimidating manner and rattling his leper’s tin in your face - then demanding money for some innominate charity that caters for myopic cormorants? This type of anti-social misbehaviour constitutes outright extortion.”
Smegmadale Council’s first arrest was expedited earlier this week when two of the town’s Community Enforcement Officers (formerly traffic wardens), on hire from Renta-Moron, collared Lenny McTwatt and his crew of Ox-Rat charity chuggers who collectively left Smegmadale University in July with more degrees than a thermometer – none of which august qualifications served to secure gainful employment for them in the real world.
Lenny - whose award-winning thesis on the incidence of night blindness in the female gender of the Lesser Spotted Arctic Lemming once got him a temporary post as a mobile library assistant in the Outer Hebrides - has been on Job-Avoiders Allowance for the past three years and decided to spend a gap year as a charity chugger to get the hang of the professional side of begging - to prepare him for a life-long career of unemployment.
When he approached Mrs Agnes Titwank, a 69-year old pensioner, on Scavvies Lane and propositioned her with the choice of donating a few bob to the Save a Lemming Fund or get her Zimmer frame kicked from under her, the lady zapped him with her 'Granny's Friend' 50,000 volt ‘Scally-Killer’ taser unit then gave him a taste of pepper spray full in the face before calling the local Plod Squad for assistance.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Friday, 23 September 2011
Scameron Scores ‘Hypocrisy & Irony’ First
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
UK PM, Posh Dave Scameron, the Rothshite crime syndicate’s current Downing Street gopher, took to the podium at the United Nations HQ in New York on Thursday and proselytised to any fucker and their dog interested enough to pay heed to his bloviating blather and sophistry that the world needs to be faster off the mark in expediting military action to clamp down on despotic regimes and suppressive totalitarian, fascist states abusing their democracy-starved peasant masses.
These will hopefully include Bahrain, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Yemen and Israel who have a bad habit for slaughtering critics and dissidents infected by the current pro-democracy pandemic of Arab Spring Flu and demanding socio-political reforms. Or, as in Israel’s case, butchering the hapless Palestinian population whose sovereign lands they stole in the Yawm an-Nakbah (Day of Catastrophe) – the 1948 Israeli blood and guts campaign to drive the Palestinians out of ‘Palestine’ and found their illegal outlaw Zionist crime state.
Both United States and British officials are scrambling to avert a diplomatic crisis which is aimed at making Israel look ‘really bad’ when the West Bank’s Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas - who has vowed on a stack of Korans to do his duty - stands before the UN Security Council today and petitions for recognition of the sadly diminished, once-proud sovereign state of Palestinian as an independent country – an action that has unified a multitude of people from different political affiliations to protest against Israel’s intransigence in returning land to the Palestinians.
Abbas wants their national borders returned to the pre-1967 boundaries – and this is the main bone of contention - a tripwire of rhetoric over logic and real-politik on how to achieve peace between Israel and the Palestinians when the UN Resolution will demand the eviction of all illegal Shylock settlers and demolish the racist Great Apartheid Walls the rogue Israeli regime has erected around the marginalised ghettos of the occupied West Bank and the Gaza Strip.
To demonstrate how moronic he really is when opening mouth before engaging brain, Scameron and his minders had obviously never yet thought through the ironic implications (and hopefully massive ramifications of ridicule) resulting from his little hypocritical pep talk to the assembly of the institutionalised corrupt doss house that the UN has long ago become.
Scameron, a man who still thinks wood grows on trees, used his inaugural speech to the United Nations to demand that the organisation becomes less of a talking shop and intervenes with an iron fist when peasants living under brutal regimes require its help (such as the Palestinians of the West Bank and Gaza Strip – both under the jackboot of the ZioNazi Israelis).
Alas, Cabbage Patch Dave unfortunately missed the point, that while under strict orders to use the British Security Council vote to veto the Palestinian bid for statehood recognition with extreme prejudice aforethought, he’s promoting UN-sanctioned NATO military actions against regimes – such as Israel – but mentioning only the Arab Muslim nations the Western neo-colonial bankster cabal are seeking to oust the leaderships of - in the name of reform and democracy - and bring about regime change so as to install their approved muppet-on-a-string tyrants – with Syria, Lebanon, Yemen, Somalia and Iran on the shit list once they finally get finished fucking around with Libya.
In a clear statement of intent following NATO's unsuccessful campaign against Libya, where the headcount ratio of civilian dead far exceeds that of Gaddafi’s troops, Scameron informed international leaders that the world must be prepared to act again.
“Operation Kill Every Fucker’ against Libya has been extended by 90 days from the September 27th deadline. By that time we should have killed every twat old enough to bleed, and the rebel’s National Transitional Council can hopefully be left to their own devices to get on with their ethnic cleansing and revenge campaigns and we can focus our attentions on the next worthy Arab Spring uprising that needs a no-fly zone initiating and their government kicking out.”
Scameron added that the North African and Middle East ‘Arab Spring’ uprisings had dramatically reshaped international relations in 2011 and represented a massive opportunity to spread death and destruction and secure vital arms sales contracts - but only if they seized the opportunity and got the boot in first.
Finally Scameron emphasised that action must be tailored from country to country. "What was right in Libya – letting NATO bomb the living shit out of anything that moved to kill that cunt Gaddafi - will not necessarily be the right thing to pull on our good mate Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer in Bahrain – as that’s where the US Fifth Fleet’s docked."
However, as Tony Bliar did so disingenuously 12 years ago at the UN, Scameron effectively outlined the conditions he has been informed must be met before military action can take place effectively – such as rattling up a couple of dodgy dossiers, preferably with some first class propaganda photos of weapons of mass distraction – then have Mossad do another 7/7 and blow up a few more tube trains on the London underground system – and perhaps a double decker bus too for good measure - and once again blame it on some stupid Yorkshire-based Paki’ stooge like Mohammed al Ka-Boom and Al Qaeda’s Jolly Jihad bin Patsy Brigade.
Then to round off the pre-attack disinformation / shit-stirring campaign, snuff a couple of Ox-Rat’s whistleblowers with a blunt gardening knife and a few Co-Proxamol tablets – preferably up in Oxfordshire’s Grassy Knoll Woods - now notorious for the number of celebrity snitch and grasser assisted suicides it has hosted since 9/11.
Just prior to Scameron’s appearance to address the UN, the smarmy twat met his US Rothshite stooge counterpart, Barky O’Barmy, the Kenyan cuckoo currently sitting behind the Oval Office desk, for a brief tête-à-tête. After their protracted three minute meeting O’Barmy hailed the incestuous relationship between the United States and Britain - and the wife-swapping bonhomie enjoyed by the two leaders – then invited Posh Dave to join him for a boys only fudging session at his favourite Faggot’s Row bath house in Chicago - with his one-time handler and super-corrupt kikester, Mayor Rahm Emanuel, the next time he’s in the US attending to Baron Rothshite’s business.
Thought for the day: One thing you can always rely on with Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron – alike Tony Bliar before him – he never fails to disappoint us.
Further, in an attempt to take the definition of ‘nasty bastards’ to a new level of meaning, pro-Zionist political stooges in the US Senate and Congress, acting on orders from AIPAC and the Bobo Nuttyahoo-controlled Knesset in Jerusalem, have vindictively demanded the closing of the PLO’s mission in Washington, and the cutting off of all U.S. aid to the Palestinian Authority leadership as punishment for their audacity to seek membership status at the United Nations when their country was annexed, Nazi-fashion, by force of arms back in 1948 - and is now called Israel.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
UK PM, Posh Dave Scameron, the Rothshite crime syndicate’s current Downing Street gopher, took to the podium at the United Nations HQ in New York on Thursday and proselytised to any fucker and their dog interested enough to pay heed to his bloviating blather and sophistry that the world needs to be faster off the mark in expediting military action to clamp down on despotic regimes and suppressive totalitarian, fascist states abusing their democracy-starved peasant masses.
These will hopefully include Bahrain, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Yemen and Israel who have a bad habit for slaughtering critics and dissidents infected by the current pro-democracy pandemic of Arab Spring Flu and demanding socio-political reforms. Or, as in Israel’s case, butchering the hapless Palestinian population whose sovereign lands they stole in the Yawm an-Nakbah (Day of Catastrophe) – the 1948 Israeli blood and guts campaign to drive the Palestinians out of ‘Palestine’ and found their illegal outlaw Zionist crime state.
Both United States and British officials are scrambling to avert a diplomatic crisis which is aimed at making Israel look ‘really bad’ when the West Bank’s Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas - who has vowed on a stack of Korans to do his duty - stands before the UN Security Council today and petitions for recognition of the sadly diminished, once-proud sovereign state of Palestinian as an independent country – an action that has unified a multitude of people from different political affiliations to protest against Israel’s intransigence in returning land to the Palestinians.
Abbas wants their national borders returned to the pre-1967 boundaries – and this is the main bone of contention - a tripwire of rhetoric over logic and real-politik on how to achieve peace between Israel and the Palestinians when the UN Resolution will demand the eviction of all illegal Shylock settlers and demolish the racist Great Apartheid Walls the rogue Israeli regime has erected around the marginalised ghettos of the occupied West Bank and the Gaza Strip.
To demonstrate how moronic he really is when opening mouth before engaging brain, Scameron and his minders had obviously never yet thought through the ironic implications (and hopefully massive ramifications of ridicule) resulting from his little hypocritical pep talk to the assembly of the institutionalised corrupt doss house that the UN has long ago become.
Scameron, a man who still thinks wood grows on trees, used his inaugural speech to the United Nations to demand that the organisation becomes less of a talking shop and intervenes with an iron fist when peasants living under brutal regimes require its help (such as the Palestinians of the West Bank and Gaza Strip – both under the jackboot of the ZioNazi Israelis).
Alas, Cabbage Patch Dave unfortunately missed the point, that while under strict orders to use the British Security Council vote to veto the Palestinian bid for statehood recognition with extreme prejudice aforethought, he’s promoting UN-sanctioned NATO military actions against regimes – such as Israel – but mentioning only the Arab Muslim nations the Western neo-colonial bankster cabal are seeking to oust the leaderships of - in the name of reform and democracy - and bring about regime change so as to install their approved muppet-on-a-string tyrants – with Syria, Lebanon, Yemen, Somalia and Iran on the shit list once they finally get finished fucking around with Libya.
In a clear statement of intent following NATO's unsuccessful campaign against Libya, where the headcount ratio of civilian dead far exceeds that of Gaddafi’s troops, Scameron informed international leaders that the world must be prepared to act again.
“Operation Kill Every Fucker’ against Libya has been extended by 90 days from the September 27th deadline. By that time we should have killed every twat old enough to bleed, and the rebel’s National Transitional Council can hopefully be left to their own devices to get on with their ethnic cleansing and revenge campaigns and we can focus our attentions on the next worthy Arab Spring uprising that needs a no-fly zone initiating and their government kicking out.”
Scameron added that the North African and Middle East ‘Arab Spring’ uprisings had dramatically reshaped international relations in 2011 and represented a massive opportunity to spread death and destruction and secure vital arms sales contracts - but only if they seized the opportunity and got the boot in first.
Finally Scameron emphasised that action must be tailored from country to country. "What was right in Libya – letting NATO bomb the living shit out of anything that moved to kill that cunt Gaddafi - will not necessarily be the right thing to pull on our good mate Sheikh Fizzy al Kaseltzer in Bahrain – as that’s where the US Fifth Fleet’s docked."
However, as Tony Bliar did so disingenuously 12 years ago at the UN, Scameron effectively outlined the conditions he has been informed must be met before military action can take place effectively – such as rattling up a couple of dodgy dossiers, preferably with some first class propaganda photos of weapons of mass distraction – then have Mossad do another 7/7 and blow up a few more tube trains on the London underground system – and perhaps a double decker bus too for good measure - and once again blame it on some stupid Yorkshire-based Paki’ stooge like Mohammed al Ka-Boom and Al Qaeda’s Jolly Jihad bin Patsy Brigade.
Then to round off the pre-attack disinformation / shit-stirring campaign, snuff a couple of Ox-Rat’s whistleblowers with a blunt gardening knife and a few Co-Proxamol tablets – preferably up in Oxfordshire’s Grassy Knoll Woods - now notorious for the number of celebrity snitch and grasser assisted suicides it has hosted since 9/11.
Just prior to Scameron’s appearance to address the UN, the smarmy twat met his US Rothshite stooge counterpart, Barky O’Barmy, the Kenyan cuckoo currently sitting behind the Oval Office desk, for a brief tête-à-tête. After their protracted three minute meeting O’Barmy hailed the incestuous relationship between the United States and Britain - and the wife-swapping bonhomie enjoyed by the two leaders – then invited Posh Dave to join him for a boys only fudging session at his favourite Faggot’s Row bath house in Chicago - with his one-time handler and super-corrupt kikester, Mayor Rahm Emanuel, the next time he’s in the US attending to Baron Rothshite’s business.
Thought for the day: One thing you can always rely on with Cabbage Patch Dave Scameron – alike Tony Bliar before him – he never fails to disappoint us.
Further, in an attempt to take the definition of ‘nasty bastards’ to a new level of meaning, pro-Zionist political stooges in the US Senate and Congress, acting on orders from AIPAC and the Bobo Nuttyahoo-controlled Knesset in Jerusalem, have vindictively demanded the closing of the PLO’s mission in Washington, and the cutting off of all U.S. aid to the Palestinian Authority leadership as punishment for their audacity to seek membership status at the United Nations when their country was annexed, Nazi-fashion, by force of arms back in 1948 - and is now called Israel.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
WickedLeaks Boss Sues Publisher
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
US-Israeli mind slave muppet and WickedLeaks maestro Julian Blancmange, brainwashed via the medium of neuro-linguistic programming under the MK-Ultra programme in Australia as a sprog, has gone into ‘moron mode’ and instructed lawyers to commence proceedings to sue the publishing giant Scandalgate for releasing drafts of his dodgy autobiographical ‘memoir’ after he spent his advance on rub and tug ‘happy ending’ massages and lap dancing whores that suck n swallow and go bareback.
Blancmange, a former Antipodean albino impersonator, has accused the prestigious UK publisher of a breach of contract for releasing drafts of his uncompleted autobiography without approval.
However, Genghis McTadger, editor-in-chief at the Edinburgh-based Scandalgate, informed one press hack from the Ripoffs Gazette that the memoir will be sold in shops and online, regardless of protestations from Mr Blancmange.
Mr McTadger added that Blancmange had been paid an advance – rumoured to exceed what banksters and accountants refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’ - and since he had not submitted a completed manuscript nor repaid the advance, Scandalgate had decided to publish the first draft received last March to recoup their outlay and losses.
Apparently the WickedLeaks boss had worked with the celebrity ghost writers, Jake Marley and Ron Casper on the book, but later backed out and tried to cancel his contract.
However, in an asinine game of tit for tat, Blancmange claims the first draft is an unchecked work in progress and accused the publisher of profiteering.
Conversely McTadger retorted that Blancmange has now got cold feet over revealing his copious record of social failings and being a Western intelligence stooge, fed a stream of semi-anonymous disinformation for the purpose of propaganda and public perception management.
Blancmange, described by friends and associates alike as a bit of a knobhead who can’t even wipe his own arse properly, with the now-published first draft extract of his incomplete autobiography containing copies of e-mails from girlfriends past who branded him as a “totally useless twat, incapable of putting a condom on without tearing it” – and “a premature ejaculator who’s as much fun as chemotherapy”.
The first draft of the uncompleted manuscript candidly recounts Blancmange's early life growing up in Australia and how he became entranced and fascinated by conspiracy theories and unprotected sex with koalas and emus - to the founding of the secret-spilling Trojan horse website.
In reply to the news that Blancmange intended to sue them, Scandalgate issued a press release stating: "On 7th June 2011, with 38 publishing houses around the world committed to releasing the book, Julian informed us he wanted to cancel his contract.”
"Thus, as he had already pissed away his advance on booze and loose women, we decided to honour the spirit of the contract and publish. Once the advance has been earned out, we intend to honour the contract and pay Julian royalties – that is, of course, if any fucker or their dog bothers to buy a copy of the book."
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
US-Israeli mind slave muppet and WickedLeaks maestro Julian Blancmange, brainwashed via the medium of neuro-linguistic programming under the MK-Ultra programme in Australia as a sprog, has gone into ‘moron mode’ and instructed lawyers to commence proceedings to sue the publishing giant Scandalgate for releasing drafts of his dodgy autobiographical ‘memoir’ after he spent his advance on rub and tug ‘happy ending’ massages and lap dancing whores that suck n swallow and go bareback.
Blancmange, a former Antipodean albino impersonator, has accused the prestigious UK publisher of a breach of contract for releasing drafts of his uncompleted autobiography without approval.
However, Genghis McTadger, editor-in-chief at the Edinburgh-based Scandalgate, informed one press hack from the Ripoffs Gazette that the memoir will be sold in shops and online, regardless of protestations from Mr Blancmange.
Mr McTadger added that Blancmange had been paid an advance – rumoured to exceed what banksters and accountants refer to as ‘lots and lots of money’ - and since he had not submitted a completed manuscript nor repaid the advance, Scandalgate had decided to publish the first draft received last March to recoup their outlay and losses.
Apparently the WickedLeaks boss had worked with the celebrity ghost writers, Jake Marley and Ron Casper on the book, but later backed out and tried to cancel his contract.
However, in an asinine game of tit for tat, Blancmange claims the first draft is an unchecked work in progress and accused the publisher of profiteering.
Conversely McTadger retorted that Blancmange has now got cold feet over revealing his copious record of social failings and being a Western intelligence stooge, fed a stream of semi-anonymous disinformation for the purpose of propaganda and public perception management.
Blancmange, described by friends and associates alike as a bit of a knobhead who can’t even wipe his own arse properly, with the now-published first draft extract of his incomplete autobiography containing copies of e-mails from girlfriends past who branded him as a “totally useless twat, incapable of putting a condom on without tearing it” – and “a premature ejaculator who’s as much fun as chemotherapy”.
The first draft of the uncompleted manuscript candidly recounts Blancmange's early life growing up in Australia and how he became entranced and fascinated by conspiracy theories and unprotected sex with koalas and emus - to the founding of the secret-spilling Trojan horse website.
In reply to the news that Blancmange intended to sue them, Scandalgate issued a press release stating: "On 7th June 2011, with 38 publishing houses around the world committed to releasing the book, Julian informed us he wanted to cancel his contract.”
"Thus, as he had already pissed away his advance on booze and loose women, we decided to honour the spirit of the contract and publish. Once the advance has been earned out, we intend to honour the contract and pay Julian royalties – that is, of course, if any fucker or their dog bothers to buy a copy of the book."
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Somalia: Sing a Sura & Win a Gun
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
The Happy Camel Oasis Radio station, run by Somalia's Shit al-Shabab pro-Sharia Islamic hard core fundamentalist group, came up with a stellar scheme of prize-giving in their recent Koran-reciting competition where participants actually sing the ayats and suras – awarding the winning children with military assault rifles and enough ammunition to start their own war.
HCO Radio, based near the Third World dump’s bog standard capital of Mogadishu, presented the group which won first prize in the Ramadan competition with an AK-47 rifle each and the equivalent of £25 quid in Pestco Greedy Grocer supermarket loyalty vouchers.
The second prize-winners received an M-16 each and £10 nicker's worth of UN food stamps, while the third prize winners copped for a couple of M-67 hand grenade apiece and a year’s subscription to the Goat Herder’s Digest.
Runners-up received a mixed bag of awards, which included copies of the best-selling Piracy for Dummies – signed by Capt. Jack Sparrow; paperback editions of ‘The Hairy Bikers Cookbook’ and ‘How to Beat Bulimia’ – along with the 2010 edition of ‘The Best of Match of the Day’ DVDs – plus consolation prizes of half a bucket of water and a bag of crunchy chocolate-coated locusts – a definite boon in the drought-stricken shithole.
Shit al-Shabab spokesman, Mohammed al Ka-Boom, a former suicide bomber with the Jolly Jihad Brigade until he was fired for incompetence, informed one press hack from Famine magazine "We present them with weapons as our youths should use one hand for stealing and self-abuse - and the other for wielding a gun to defend Islam against the infidel Americans who want to seize the Horn of Africa to stage their military adventures and control the Red Sea and Suez shipping routes on behalf of their Zionist scumbag masters in Tel Aviv.”
In previous years, when the Koran reciting competition was organised in the southern port of Kismyass, the first prize included a rocket-propelled grenade launcher and a pick n mix selection of HE, liquid metal, white phosphorus and depleted uranium armour piercing rounds.
The overall winner of this year’s Ramadan Koran reciting tourney was Ms Winnebago Jaffacake, a 12-year old mother-of-three, who gave a soprano rendition of the verses (ayat) of the 5th and 9th suras of the Quran - which preach of fatwas heaped upon the heads of the Western heathens and declare it’s just honky dory to kill the infidel non-believers in Islam’s God Allah and his prophet Mohammed – and all to the cacophonous accompaniment of the massed pipe band of Shit al-Shabab’s 21st Vuvuleza Regiment.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
The Happy Camel Oasis Radio station, run by Somalia's Shit al-Shabab pro-Sharia Islamic hard core fundamentalist group, came up with a stellar scheme of prize-giving in their recent Koran-reciting competition where participants actually sing the ayats and suras – awarding the winning children with military assault rifles and enough ammunition to start their own war.
HCO Radio, based near the Third World dump’s bog standard capital of Mogadishu, presented the group which won first prize in the Ramadan competition with an AK-47 rifle each and the equivalent of £25 quid in Pestco Greedy Grocer supermarket loyalty vouchers.
The second prize-winners received an M-16 each and £10 nicker's worth of UN food stamps, while the third prize winners copped for a couple of M-67 hand grenade apiece and a year’s subscription to the Goat Herder’s Digest.
Runners-up received a mixed bag of awards, which included copies of the best-selling Piracy for Dummies – signed by Capt. Jack Sparrow; paperback editions of ‘The Hairy Bikers Cookbook’ and ‘How to Beat Bulimia’ – along with the 2010 edition of ‘The Best of Match of the Day’ DVDs – plus consolation prizes of half a bucket of water and a bag of crunchy chocolate-coated locusts – a definite boon in the drought-stricken shithole.
Shit al-Shabab spokesman, Mohammed al Ka-Boom, a former suicide bomber with the Jolly Jihad Brigade until he was fired for incompetence, informed one press hack from Famine magazine "We present them with weapons as our youths should use one hand for stealing and self-abuse - and the other for wielding a gun to defend Islam against the infidel Americans who want to seize the Horn of Africa to stage their military adventures and control the Red Sea and Suez shipping routes on behalf of their Zionist scumbag masters in Tel Aviv.”
In previous years, when the Koran reciting competition was organised in the southern port of Kismyass, the first prize included a rocket-propelled grenade launcher and a pick n mix selection of HE, liquid metal, white phosphorus and depleted uranium armour piercing rounds.
The overall winner of this year’s Ramadan Koran reciting tourney was Ms Winnebago Jaffacake, a 12-year old mother-of-three, who gave a soprano rendition of the verses (ayat) of the 5th and 9th suras of the Quran - which preach of fatwas heaped upon the heads of the Western heathens and declare it’s just honky dory to kill the infidel non-believers in Islam’s God Allah and his prophet Mohammed – and all to the cacophonous accompaniment of the massed pipe band of Shit al-Shabab’s 21st Vuvuleza Regiment.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
GMC Clamp Down on Witch Doctors
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Dr Candida McSkanger, director of the General Medical Council, today informed press hacks that her offices were working flat out like a lizard drinking to address and correct problems with overseas doctors joining the UK’s National Ill-Health Service - and who possessed little or zero experience of interacting or dealing with Western cultures and medical practices.
To achieve this end, the GMC is planning a basic induction programme for all foreign doctors who’ve been trained in Third World ‘health facilities’ to help them understand how medical care is practised in the UK – and will no longer involve such quackery as female patients sucking the physician’s penis and swallowing his orgasmic ‘Magic Milk’ panacea for all ills - nor having his ‘Wellness Wand’ rammed up their vagina – or back passage in the case of haemorrhoids.
In an interview with the Pestilence Gazette, Dr McSkanger related that Third World doctors do not meet the basic NHS requirements of professionalism – which has in itself got to present a major condemnation of medical proficiency considering the generalised pathetic state of NHS services.
“Really, we’ve had patients calling up our NHS helpline complaining that some ‘doctor’ from Woga-Woga Land had all manner of voodoo dolls and shrunken heads hung up in his surgery.”
“These people have been trained under different cultural and professional standards which simply are not conductive to basic NHS requirements. Doctors who are new to the UK need to be provided with induction courses on how to conduct themselves and practise medicine within our professional, language, ethical and legal boundaries - as set down by the GMC.”
“Take for instance the recent case of Dr Wormhole Chuckabutty, a former celebrity gurner from Madagascar, who attended his hospital rounds dressed in a grass skirt with a bone through his nose – and whose ‘bedside manner’ included the sexual groping of female patients.”
“As it turned out Dr Chuckabutty could only speak Swahili and whose sole qualification for the position was a St John’s Ambulance Brigade diploma in First Aid - whereas his job application stated he was seeking a position as a Gynaecologist as he wanted to, and here I quote: “See plenty of dat white pussy.”
“For God’s sake, you should have seen the scores of complaints we received from his patients, and when he appeared before the GMC Committee for reprimand, didn’t quite grasp the fact that he simply could not expect to have his female patient completely disrobe and lie on a gyno’ couch with her feet in the stirrups - when she only came in with a sore throat.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Dr Candida McSkanger, director of the General Medical Council, today informed press hacks that her offices were working flat out like a lizard drinking to address and correct problems with overseas doctors joining the UK’s National Ill-Health Service - and who possessed little or zero experience of interacting or dealing with Western cultures and medical practices.
To achieve this end, the GMC is planning a basic induction programme for all foreign doctors who’ve been trained in Third World ‘health facilities’ to help them understand how medical care is practised in the UK – and will no longer involve such quackery as female patients sucking the physician’s penis and swallowing his orgasmic ‘Magic Milk’ panacea for all ills - nor having his ‘Wellness Wand’ rammed up their vagina – or back passage in the case of haemorrhoids.
In an interview with the Pestilence Gazette, Dr McSkanger related that Third World doctors do not meet the basic NHS requirements of professionalism – which has in itself got to present a major condemnation of medical proficiency considering the generalised pathetic state of NHS services.
“Really, we’ve had patients calling up our NHS helpline complaining that some ‘doctor’ from Woga-Woga Land had all manner of voodoo dolls and shrunken heads hung up in his surgery.”
“These people have been trained under different cultural and professional standards which simply are not conductive to basic NHS requirements. Doctors who are new to the UK need to be provided with induction courses on how to conduct themselves and practise medicine within our professional, language, ethical and legal boundaries - as set down by the GMC.”
“Take for instance the recent case of Dr Wormhole Chuckabutty, a former celebrity gurner from Madagascar, who attended his hospital rounds dressed in a grass skirt with a bone through his nose – and whose ‘bedside manner’ included the sexual groping of female patients.”
“As it turned out Dr Chuckabutty could only speak Swahili and whose sole qualification for the position was a St John’s Ambulance Brigade diploma in First Aid - whereas his job application stated he was seeking a position as a Gynaecologist as he wanted to, and here I quote: “See plenty of dat white pussy.”
“For God’s sake, you should have seen the scores of complaints we received from his patients, and when he appeared before the GMC Committee for reprimand, didn’t quite grasp the fact that he simply could not expect to have his female patient completely disrobe and lie on a gyno’ couch with her feet in the stirrups - when she only came in with a sore throat.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
UK Welfare Benefits? See Charity Food Bank
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Tens of thousands of hapless peasants claiming UK welfare benefits will henceforth be referred to charity-run food banks by the Libservative Coalition government - which is now confronted with the frightening reality that many Britons face a stark choice: starvation or feeding themselves by begging and stealing – the sure-fire path to a socio-political revolution of violent proportions.
Alas, this latter scenario fails to feature as a salient component in the arrogant thinking of our privileged Libservative Coalition government ministers.
From today, the Jobcentre Plus offices in England and Wales will refer the rib-rattling needy to charity-run food banks that can hopefully provide them a food parcel containing a pack of Pol Pot Insta-Noodles that need cooking and a tin of Spam or like crap that requires a can opener to get at – culinary items all too often sadly lacking from one’s personal kit when living on a landfill site after being booted out of the family home by unscrupulous bailiffs acting on a bankster’s court eviction order.
The move comes amid growing levels of food poverty, fuelled by rising food prices and high rates of unemployment. Under the fatally-flawed scheme people whose benefits have been delayed or were refused crisis loans will be referred to their local ‘food bank’ – which may well eventually turn out to be the pigswill bin behind a branch of McDonalds chew n spew.
To add a sense of the ‘fucking hopeless’ to the entire fiasco, claimants will be limited to three consecutive referrals – each time providing them enough basics, such as Woof Chunks, Winalot, Whiskers and an assortment of Marmite-flavoured dog bisuits for three days. Hmmm, no insta-turkey dinners and mince pies this Christmas.
The planned scheme is set to operate from more than 70 food banks spaced out up and down the country and run by the ‘Give the Dog a Bone’ Christian charity; with organisers forecasting that they’ll feed somewhere between 90,000 and 100,000 before the year's end due problems with the stupid government slashing welfare benefits to force people to find non-existent employment in a jobless wilderness.
Chantelle McSkanger, a 15-year old mother of three from the Stench Hill sink or swim council estate in Greater Manchester, took part in a pilot when she caught a dose of Galloping Minge Rot earlier this year and was unable to work at her regular job as a lap dancer and night club hostess.
"I goes down ter the effin’ welfare office, like, ter apply fer one of them emergency crisis loans wot yer can get - ter buy a spot of snort an’ a couple of spliffs - an’ the rotten bastards turn me down.”
“So I goes an’ dumps the effin’ kids on the Town Hall steps an’ fucks off down the food bank an’ convinced this right do-gooder posh old toff there wot’s handin’ out sardines an’ noodles ter give me a few quid fer a quick suck an’ spit blowjob – so I could afford a coupla bottles of Meths Breezer. So, yeah, I’m all for food banks – they pulled me outa the shit when I needed a lift.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Tens of thousands of hapless peasants claiming UK welfare benefits will henceforth be referred to charity-run food banks by the Libservative Coalition government - which is now confronted with the frightening reality that many Britons face a stark choice: starvation or feeding themselves by begging and stealing – the sure-fire path to a socio-political revolution of violent proportions.
Alas, this latter scenario fails to feature as a salient component in the arrogant thinking of our privileged Libservative Coalition government ministers.
From today, the Jobcentre Plus offices in England and Wales will refer the rib-rattling needy to charity-run food banks that can hopefully provide them a food parcel containing a pack of Pol Pot Insta-Noodles that need cooking and a tin of Spam or like crap that requires a can opener to get at – culinary items all too often sadly lacking from one’s personal kit when living on a landfill site after being booted out of the family home by unscrupulous bailiffs acting on a bankster’s court eviction order.
The move comes amid growing levels of food poverty, fuelled by rising food prices and high rates of unemployment. Under the fatally-flawed scheme people whose benefits have been delayed or were refused crisis loans will be referred to their local ‘food bank’ – which may well eventually turn out to be the pigswill bin behind a branch of McDonalds chew n spew.
To add a sense of the ‘fucking hopeless’ to the entire fiasco, claimants will be limited to three consecutive referrals – each time providing them enough basics, such as Woof Chunks, Winalot, Whiskers and an assortment of Marmite-flavoured dog bisuits for three days. Hmmm, no insta-turkey dinners and mince pies this Christmas.
The planned scheme is set to operate from more than 70 food banks spaced out up and down the country and run by the ‘Give the Dog a Bone’ Christian charity; with organisers forecasting that they’ll feed somewhere between 90,000 and 100,000 before the year's end due problems with the stupid government slashing welfare benefits to force people to find non-existent employment in a jobless wilderness.
Chantelle McSkanger, a 15-year old mother of three from the Stench Hill sink or swim council estate in Greater Manchester, took part in a pilot when she caught a dose of Galloping Minge Rot earlier this year and was unable to work at her regular job as a lap dancer and night club hostess.
"I goes down ter the effin’ welfare office, like, ter apply fer one of them emergency crisis loans wot yer can get - ter buy a spot of snort an’ a couple of spliffs - an’ the rotten bastards turn me down.”
“So I goes an’ dumps the effin’ kids on the Town Hall steps an’ fucks off down the food bank an’ convinced this right do-gooder posh old toff there wot’s handin’ out sardines an’ noodles ter give me a few quid fer a quick suck an’ spit blowjob – so I could afford a coupla bottles of Meths Breezer. So, yeah, I’m all for food banks – they pulled me outa the shit when I needed a lift.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Kikesters set to Veto Palestine’s UN Bid
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
FOR TRUTH, REASON & JUSTICE:
The partitioned sovereign state of Palestine and its marginalised, disaffected populations, in both the occupied West Bank and besieged Gaza Strip, are predicting a ‘kick in the bollocks’ veto when their representatives go before the Zionist-dominated United Nations Security Council on Friday to petition their bid for full membership of the UN body and recognition as a nation state.
Ironically, if the Yawm an-Nakbah ‘Day of Catastrophe’ (the 1948 Israeli ZioNazi ethnic cleansing military campaign to drive Palestinians out of ‘Palestine’) had never occurred then Palestine would have long ago been a full member of the UN - and the venal state of Israel never founded on lands stolen by treachery and force of arms from another sovereign nation by homicidal Zionist Ashkenazi Jews of convenience out to establish their Rothshite master’s burgeoning global crime empire’s capital - by bestowing it with a legalised façade of actual statehood.
Applying a rather apt and fitting metaphor to the case in hand, the West Bank Palestinian Authority leader Mahmoud Abbas informed one press hack from the No Hope Gazette that he expects their bid to gain statehood recognition for Palestine at the UN to be comparable to shoveling shit uphill - due the organization being infested with rogue pro-Israeli lobbyists, notorious for their strong-arm diplomacy tactics and being armed with a mixed bag of bribes, blackmail coercion and actual death threats to bandy around.
Flatbrokes; the UK’s ubiquitous High Street bookies, are giving odds that before the Rothshite crime syndicate’s international pariah state of Israel concedes to surrendering a mere square inch of stolen land back to the Palestinians, then pigs will fly, Tony Bliar might just tell the truth about dodgy dossiers, and Hell will freeze over – though not necessarily in that precise order.
Israeli deputy foreign minister Shylock Scumberg, using his customary disingenuous ‘perception management’ blend of chutzpah and hasbara to silence critics of the Jerusalem-based Knesset, informed one press hack from the Holohoax Gazette that the Palestinians were attempting to kick start a Third Intifada and turn popular opinion against the outlaw Zionist regime by demanding recognition as a nation state.
“These people are out to make Israel look bad and cause trouble even though we build them a nice big wall around the West Banks’ occupied territories and that other shithole Gaza, to protect them.”
"A unilateral declaration by the Palestinians of independence or any UN decision that grants them such will actually be a vote for friction and conflict if they get it into their stupid thick Muslim heads to start demanding Jerusalem as their capital and want their lands back.”
”Whatever this meshuggenah Abbas says before the UN’s joint assembly is of little consequence to us – as their vote carries no mandate. It is before the Security Council that the vote must be unanimous - and that vote will be vetoed.”
While the permanent membership of the UN Security Council is comprised of China, Russia, France, Britain and the United States, such is the conspiratorial reach and political power of the Satanic cabal tasked with expediting the manifest destiny aims of the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion that the latter three nations listed have already sworn on the Torah that they’ll use their veto powers to block the Palestinian’s bid with malice aforethought – in accordance with their shadowy Shylock master’s commands.
So, the outlook for poor partitioned Palestine look like more of the same – blood, sweat and tears – and funeral processions a daily occurrence.
The occupied West Bank getting smaller by the day due illegal Israeli settlements built on their demolished homes and farms - and the Gaza Strip’s enclave besieged behind a 30-foot high racist Great Apartheid Wall and its coastal approaches blockaded by the Israeli navy – while the Knesset ignore the criticisms of international human rights and wrongs groups – and resorts to their threadbare strategy of labelling them anti-Semites and Holohoax deniers - and continue to view the Palestinian’s plight with their customary ‘schadenfreude’ – this perverted rejoicing at the goyim's misfortune.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
FOR TRUTH, REASON & JUSTICE:
The partitioned sovereign state of Palestine and its marginalised, disaffected populations, in both the occupied West Bank and besieged Gaza Strip, are predicting a ‘kick in the bollocks’ veto when their representatives go before the Zionist-dominated United Nations Security Council on Friday to petition their bid for full membership of the UN body and recognition as a nation state.
Ironically, if the Yawm an-Nakbah ‘Day of Catastrophe’ (the 1948 Israeli ZioNazi ethnic cleansing military campaign to drive Palestinians out of ‘Palestine’) had never occurred then Palestine would have long ago been a full member of the UN - and the venal state of Israel never founded on lands stolen by treachery and force of arms from another sovereign nation by homicidal Zionist Ashkenazi Jews of convenience out to establish their Rothshite master’s burgeoning global crime empire’s capital - by bestowing it with a legalised façade of actual statehood.
Applying a rather apt and fitting metaphor to the case in hand, the West Bank Palestinian Authority leader Mahmoud Abbas informed one press hack from the No Hope Gazette that he expects their bid to gain statehood recognition for Palestine at the UN to be comparable to shoveling shit uphill - due the organization being infested with rogue pro-Israeli lobbyists, notorious for their strong-arm diplomacy tactics and being armed with a mixed bag of bribes, blackmail coercion and actual death threats to bandy around.
Flatbrokes; the UK’s ubiquitous High Street bookies, are giving odds that before the Rothshite crime syndicate’s international pariah state of Israel concedes to surrendering a mere square inch of stolen land back to the Palestinians, then pigs will fly, Tony Bliar might just tell the truth about dodgy dossiers, and Hell will freeze over – though not necessarily in that precise order.
Israeli deputy foreign minister Shylock Scumberg, using his customary disingenuous ‘perception management’ blend of chutzpah and hasbara to silence critics of the Jerusalem-based Knesset, informed one press hack from the Holohoax Gazette that the Palestinians were attempting to kick start a Third Intifada and turn popular opinion against the outlaw Zionist regime by demanding recognition as a nation state.
“These people are out to make Israel look bad and cause trouble even though we build them a nice big wall around the West Banks’ occupied territories and that other shithole Gaza, to protect them.”
"A unilateral declaration by the Palestinians of independence or any UN decision that grants them such will actually be a vote for friction and conflict if they get it into their stupid thick Muslim heads to start demanding Jerusalem as their capital and want their lands back.”
”Whatever this meshuggenah Abbas says before the UN’s joint assembly is of little consequence to us – as their vote carries no mandate. It is before the Security Council that the vote must be unanimous - and that vote will be vetoed.”
While the permanent membership of the UN Security Council is comprised of China, Russia, France, Britain and the United States, such is the conspiratorial reach and political power of the Satanic cabal tasked with expediting the manifest destiny aims of the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion that the latter three nations listed have already sworn on the Torah that they’ll use their veto powers to block the Palestinian’s bid with malice aforethought – in accordance with their shadowy Shylock master’s commands.
So, the outlook for poor partitioned Palestine look like more of the same – blood, sweat and tears – and funeral processions a daily occurrence.
The occupied West Bank getting smaller by the day due illegal Israeli settlements built on their demolished homes and farms - and the Gaza Strip’s enclave besieged behind a 30-foot high racist Great Apartheid Wall and its coastal approaches blockaded by the Israeli navy – while the Knesset ignore the criticisms of international human rights and wrongs groups – and resorts to their threadbare strategy of labelling them anti-Semites and Holohoax deniers - and continue to view the Palestinian’s plight with their customary ‘schadenfreude’ – this perverted rejoicing at the goyim's misfortune.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Huhne Opens Gob B4 Engaging Brain
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
Chris ‘Huhne the Loon’ - the Libservative Coalition’s Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change, in yet another display of his customary unqualified arrogance during the Lib-Dum annual conference at Smegmadale-on-Sea, has informed householders that crippling energy bills are their own fault.
Huhne, the type of clot who still believes wood grows on trees, moronically accused families of not bothering to shop around to find the cheapest gas and electricity providers – ironically ignoring the fact that every major utility company has imposed double-digit price hikes over the past year.
The zillionaire Huhne, whose Parliamentary constituency appears more attached to the Fortune 500 power corporations than the hapless British voters he is supposed to represent, compounded his gaffe while speaking to one press hack from the Daily Shitraker, stating for the public record “If the stupid consumers got their priorities in perspective and canvassed for a power company with lower rates more than they do for the cheapest satellite TV and Internet Broadband contracts, then they might save some bloody money and stop whingeing.”
Candida Titwank, New Labour’s shadow energy spokeswoman, told the media that Huhne’s comments were outrageous, and demonstrated how out of touch he was with the real world, and families suffering a brutal financial squeeze.
“This is Huhne’s fault – it’s only government action that can bring the prices down and keep them there – which was thrown to the wind when idiotic governments past privatised the entire domestic energy industry and lost all control over price regulation - and this Tory-led Government is still not offering any sort of a solution to tackle the rising costs.”
“The energy market is an example of an unaccountable concentration of power with gas and electric companies – most of which are foreign-owned - thanks to EUSSR integration subverting not only British culture, but also robbing us blind via power supplies - and the likes of Russia’s Gulag Gaz and Germany’s E-on electric company don’t give a flying fuck about the hapless British consumers.”
“What we should do is to re-nationalise the entire power industry – but that’s not what Baron Rothshite and the bankster crime syndicate want, now is it?”
Baz Fuctifino, spokesman for the energy watchdog Ofgem, explained that “Too many consumers find the online energy market a virtual effin’ nightmare ter navigate when faced wiv all kinds of duplicitous offers involvin’ a range of tariffs an’ discounts – an’ fixed price deals an’ tie-ins an’ other confusin’ shit - so they prefer ter stay wiv the Devil they know. Yer get wiv one outfit cos the price of gas and electric’s cheaper an’ the next effin’ thing they up’s the tariff an’ yer worse off than yer woz before.”
On a brighter note, Huhne's calamitous faux pas over energy bills came as he faced a potentially embarrassing meeting with his back-stabbing former wife, economist Vicky Pryce, as she too headed for the Librarian-Dummercrat Conference at the weekend.
The presence of the rightfully vindictive Ms Pryce, who split from her cheating twat of a husband last year after he was caught out in an affair with his secretary Chlamydia Mingerot, is particularly awkward, given he still has the sword of Damocles hanging over his privileged thick noggin concerning accusations he subverted the course of justice - evading prosecution and punishment by cajoling his ex-missus to perjure herself over his driving offences and take penalty points for him in 2003.
The adage states that “Hell hath no fury like a woman cuckolded” and Vengeful Vicky went straight for the juglar following the marriage break-up and swore her police affidavit concerning Huhne’s guilt on the body of a dead heron and in the presence of three magistrates and a Bishop.
Thought for the day: Police are investigating a complaint that since his latest public gaffe, hackers have accessed Huhne’s official website and posted a derogatory offer for “Free electricity to anyone with a clean driving license who’ll cop for a few driving license penalty points on my behalf”.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Chris ‘Huhne the Loon’ - the Libservative Coalition’s Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change, in yet another display of his customary unqualified arrogance during the Lib-Dum annual conference at Smegmadale-on-Sea, has informed householders that crippling energy bills are their own fault.
Huhne, the type of clot who still believes wood grows on trees, moronically accused families of not bothering to shop around to find the cheapest gas and electricity providers – ironically ignoring the fact that every major utility company has imposed double-digit price hikes over the past year.
The zillionaire Huhne, whose Parliamentary constituency appears more attached to the Fortune 500 power corporations than the hapless British voters he is supposed to represent, compounded his gaffe while speaking to one press hack from the Daily Shitraker, stating for the public record “If the stupid consumers got their priorities in perspective and canvassed for a power company with lower rates more than they do for the cheapest satellite TV and Internet Broadband contracts, then they might save some bloody money and stop whingeing.”
Candida Titwank, New Labour’s shadow energy spokeswoman, told the media that Huhne’s comments were outrageous, and demonstrated how out of touch he was with the real world, and families suffering a brutal financial squeeze.
“This is Huhne’s fault – it’s only government action that can bring the prices down and keep them there – which was thrown to the wind when idiotic governments past privatised the entire domestic energy industry and lost all control over price regulation - and this Tory-led Government is still not offering any sort of a solution to tackle the rising costs.”
“The energy market is an example of an unaccountable concentration of power with gas and electric companies – most of which are foreign-owned - thanks to EUSSR integration subverting not only British culture, but also robbing us blind via power supplies - and the likes of Russia’s Gulag Gaz and Germany’s E-on electric company don’t give a flying fuck about the hapless British consumers.”
“What we should do is to re-nationalise the entire power industry – but that’s not what Baron Rothshite and the bankster crime syndicate want, now is it?”
Baz Fuctifino, spokesman for the energy watchdog Ofgem, explained that “Too many consumers find the online energy market a virtual effin’ nightmare ter navigate when faced wiv all kinds of duplicitous offers involvin’ a range of tariffs an’ discounts – an’ fixed price deals an’ tie-ins an’ other confusin’ shit - so they prefer ter stay wiv the Devil they know. Yer get wiv one outfit cos the price of gas and electric’s cheaper an’ the next effin’ thing they up’s the tariff an’ yer worse off than yer woz before.”
On a brighter note, Huhne's calamitous faux pas over energy bills came as he faced a potentially embarrassing meeting with his back-stabbing former wife, economist Vicky Pryce, as she too headed for the Librarian-Dummercrat Conference at the weekend.
The presence of the rightfully vindictive Ms Pryce, who split from her cheating twat of a husband last year after he was caught out in an affair with his secretary Chlamydia Mingerot, is particularly awkward, given he still has the sword of Damocles hanging over his privileged thick noggin concerning accusations he subverted the course of justice - evading prosecution and punishment by cajoling his ex-missus to perjure herself over his driving offences and take penalty points for him in 2003.
The adage states that “Hell hath no fury like a woman cuckolded” and Vengeful Vicky went straight for the juglar following the marriage break-up and swore her police affidavit concerning Huhne’s guilt on the body of a dead heron and in the presence of three magistrates and a Bishop.
Thought for the day: Police are investigating a complaint that since his latest public gaffe, hackers have accessed Huhne’s official website and posted a derogatory offer for “Free electricity to anyone with a clean driving license who’ll cop for a few driving license penalty points on my behalf”.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Monday, 19 September 2011
Libservatives Okay Same-Sex Marriages
Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
In keeping with their current policy of making a balls-up of everything they touch, the Libservative Coalition’s innovative ‘Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next’, working in conjunction with Shitehall’s Department for Wasting Time & Money, has announced that in light of their recent success regarding the amendment of the International Jurisdiction Law to allow Israeli war criminals to visit Britain without fear of prosecution, it is further committed to changing the legal statutes to permit male sodomites and rug-munching dykes to legally marry before the 2015 general election – when the Tories and Lib-Dums alike get booted out of office.
In the early 1860’s a cabal of Victorian era civil service mandarins and their Parliamentary bumboy cohorts conspired to introduce legislation to repeal the penalty of hanging for anal sex and zoophilia as mandated by the Buggery Act of 1533.
This action didn’t quite go as planned and resulted in the passing of the Offences Against the Person Act of 1861 and the eventual 1885 Labouchere Amendment - which outlawed every homosexual act and penalised them all (excepting sodomy, which remained a separate and more hienous offence) with a minimum of two years hard labour in the Marmite bogs surrounding HMP Dartmoor.
As the old adage goes “You can’t keep a determined poofter down” – and a like-minded body commanding the corridors of political power around Westminster and Shitehall in the mid-1950’s instigated the formation of the Wolfenden Committee to investigate and review the ‘closet’ practices of homosexuality with a view to decriminalising same-sex carnal intimacy between consenting adults.
Included on the committee’s panel were High Court Judge Aldous Cocksquirrel – a man with a bent for pink wigs and frilly tutus; Dr Irwin Bogbrush, a cross-dressing psychiatrist; Townswomen’s Guild director Ms Sapphie Godermiche; the notorious high society transvestite ‘Countess’ Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle; and Lord Hamon de Mattoid – a reformed felching addict who had served a term of imprisonment after being convicted of paying a Limehouse dominatrix to stick hamsters and live eels up his back passage.
On the theologian side, to get the view of the Church, a couple of kiddie-fiddling Catholic priests with a taste for choir boys were added to the menagerie.
In 1957 the committee submitted the Wolfenden Report that concluded what two women did in private with a cucumber was no concern of the law – likewise if men wished to stick their willys up each other’s bums - then that too was a private matter – as long as they did it in a closet.
The Wolfenden Committee had also been influenced and swayed by Alfred Kinsey's fraudulent human sexuality research data which served to redefine every fucker and their dog as being a bit iffy / gay – and hence homosexuality being viewed as a ‘perfectly normal condition’ - and thus expedited removing it from the GMC’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual’s classification as an ‘aberrant mental disorder’.
Mischievously referred to by irreverent civil service wags and MP’s as the ‘Fags & Dykes Act’ - and also the ‘Fudgers Bill’ - the passage of the revised Sexual Offences Act, much to the outrage of moralist groups and religious fundamentalists, became law a decade later - in 1967.
On learning of the government’s intention to legalise same sex marriages, the prelate of the Church of England had condemned the move outright, quoting Biblical scripture from the Book of Ezekiel that denounces homosexuality and bestiality in all forms as an ‘abomination’ - and reminded media hacks that “How bloody far are we expected to go with this kowtowing to brown-hatter equality and LGBT rights? We all know what God did to Sodom and Gomorrah, now don’t we – nuked the bastards with brimstone and fire for their lascivious sins!”
Regardless of opposition, ministers are planning to launch a consultation next spring on how to facilitate civil marriages for same-sex couples.
Equalities Minister Mingeeter Dildodo, a self-outed dyke in her own right, opined to the Lib-Dum autumn conference that while civil partnerships became legalised in 2005, the statutes of the current Sexual Offences Act 1967 were simply not fair as they didn’t include provision for homosexuals to join in unholy matrimony.
"Britain’s become a world leader for gay rights with having so many of us lesbo’s and poofters in government but there is still a lot more yet to do. Civil partnerships were a welcome first step but I’m committed to confronting prejudice and discrimination in all its forms. To deny one group of people the same opportunities available to another is simply unfair and discriminatory.”
Hmmm right on, so what the fuck’s next - shepherds and zoophiliacs petitioning the stupid government for the right to marry sheep – in church? Kiddie fiddling paedo’s complaining of discrimination as they aren’t sanctioned to molest children?
While the proposed public consultation will begin in March 2012 with a view to changing the law ahead of the next general election - scheduled for May 2015 - the veteran gay rights campaigner, Simon ‘Call me Marion’ McScatt, told one press hack from the Turd Burglars Gazette that "What’s all this bullshit about a consultation? The ban on same-sex marriage is homophobic discrimination and should be repealed immediately if not sooner – and same-sex couples be allowed to wed with a religious ceremony and walk down the aisle to organ music – all dressed in white and holding a bunch of pansies. My boyfriend and I plan to get hitched at the new St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Fudgers once the law’s changed.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
In keeping with their current policy of making a balls-up of everything they touch, the Libservative Coalition’s innovative ‘Ministry for What Can We Fuck With Next’, working in conjunction with Shitehall’s Department for Wasting Time & Money, has announced that in light of their recent success regarding the amendment of the International Jurisdiction Law to allow Israeli war criminals to visit Britain without fear of prosecution, it is further committed to changing the legal statutes to permit male sodomites and rug-munching dykes to legally marry before the 2015 general election – when the Tories and Lib-Dums alike get booted out of office.
In the early 1860’s a cabal of Victorian era civil service mandarins and their Parliamentary bumboy cohorts conspired to introduce legislation to repeal the penalty of hanging for anal sex and zoophilia as mandated by the Buggery Act of 1533.
This action didn’t quite go as planned and resulted in the passing of the Offences Against the Person Act of 1861 and the eventual 1885 Labouchere Amendment - which outlawed every homosexual act and penalised them all (excepting sodomy, which remained a separate and more hienous offence) with a minimum of two years hard labour in the Marmite bogs surrounding HMP Dartmoor.
As the old adage goes “You can’t keep a determined poofter down” – and a like-minded body commanding the corridors of political power around Westminster and Shitehall in the mid-1950’s instigated the formation of the Wolfenden Committee to investigate and review the ‘closet’ practices of homosexuality with a view to decriminalising same-sex carnal intimacy between consenting adults.
Included on the committee’s panel were High Court Judge Aldous Cocksquirrel – a man with a bent for pink wigs and frilly tutus; Dr Irwin Bogbrush, a cross-dressing psychiatrist; Townswomen’s Guild director Ms Sapphie Godermiche; the notorious high society transvestite ‘Countess’ Chlamydia Ffinch-Gargoyle; and Lord Hamon de Mattoid – a reformed felching addict who had served a term of imprisonment after being convicted of paying a Limehouse dominatrix to stick hamsters and live eels up his back passage.
On the theologian side, to get the view of the Church, a couple of kiddie-fiddling Catholic priests with a taste for choir boys were added to the menagerie.
In 1957 the committee submitted the Wolfenden Report that concluded what two women did in private with a cucumber was no concern of the law – likewise if men wished to stick their willys up each other’s bums - then that too was a private matter – as long as they did it in a closet.
The Wolfenden Committee had also been influenced and swayed by Alfred Kinsey's fraudulent human sexuality research data which served to redefine every fucker and their dog as being a bit iffy / gay – and hence homosexuality being viewed as a ‘perfectly normal condition’ - and thus expedited removing it from the GMC’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual’s classification as an ‘aberrant mental disorder’.
Mischievously referred to by irreverent civil service wags and MP’s as the ‘Fags & Dykes Act’ - and also the ‘Fudgers Bill’ - the passage of the revised Sexual Offences Act, much to the outrage of moralist groups and religious fundamentalists, became law a decade later - in 1967.
On learning of the government’s intention to legalise same sex marriages, the prelate of the Church of England had condemned the move outright, quoting Biblical scripture from the Book of Ezekiel that denounces homosexuality and bestiality in all forms as an ‘abomination’ - and reminded media hacks that “How bloody far are we expected to go with this kowtowing to brown-hatter equality and LGBT rights? We all know what God did to Sodom and Gomorrah, now don’t we – nuked the bastards with brimstone and fire for their lascivious sins!”
Regardless of opposition, ministers are planning to launch a consultation next spring on how to facilitate civil marriages for same-sex couples.
Equalities Minister Mingeeter Dildodo, a self-outed dyke in her own right, opined to the Lib-Dum autumn conference that while civil partnerships became legalised in 2005, the statutes of the current Sexual Offences Act 1967 were simply not fair as they didn’t include provision for homosexuals to join in unholy matrimony.
"Britain’s become a world leader for gay rights with having so many of us lesbo’s and poofters in government but there is still a lot more yet to do. Civil partnerships were a welcome first step but I’m committed to confronting prejudice and discrimination in all its forms. To deny one group of people the same opportunities available to another is simply unfair and discriminatory.”
Hmmm right on, so what the fuck’s next - shepherds and zoophiliacs petitioning the stupid government for the right to marry sheep – in church? Kiddie fiddling paedo’s complaining of discrimination as they aren’t sanctioned to molest children?
While the proposed public consultation will begin in March 2012 with a view to changing the law ahead of the next general election - scheduled for May 2015 - the veteran gay rights campaigner, Simon ‘Call me Marion’ McScatt, told one press hack from the Turd Burglars Gazette that "What’s all this bullshit about a consultation? The ban on same-sex marriage is homophobic discrimination and should be repealed immediately if not sooner – and same-sex couples be allowed to wed with a religious ceremony and walk down the aisle to organ music – all dressed in white and holding a bunch of pansies. My boyfriend and I plan to get hitched at the new St Sodom’s Church for Latter Day Fudgers once the law’s changed.”
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.
Wind Farm Follies: Consumers Shafted
In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.
This week sees yet another dagger plunged into the heart of the British establishment’s fatally flawed infatuation with wind generated power after a whistle-blowing mole working for National Grid leaked information to Ox-Rat, the snitch and grassers watchdog charity, that Ripoff Renewables, a Norwegian wind farm company operating 60 turbines around the Scottish Borders had been paid £1.2 zillion quid to shut down its equipment for eight hours – an amount ten times greater than the wind farm would have earned had it actually generated any electricity.
The National Grid ordered Ripoff Renewables to shut down its Seagull Slicer Rig II wind farm last Saturday for eight hours amid fears the electricity network might well become overloaded due the strong winds buffeting the country in the wake of Hurricane Katia.
Oddly enough, and against all sense of engineering logic, apparently wind turbine drive shafts can’t be switched to ‘free wheel’ mode so they aren’t rotating the genetaror shaft – hence the mega-wattage output they produce continually in high winds is too much for the National Grid system to handle.
Hmmm, yet another Heath Robinson fubar - the disclosure of which has truly exposed the bizarre workings of Britain's electricity supply, prompting calls for an urgent official investigation into the absurd payments system.
In total, a dozen wind farms were closed down last week, receiving £2.6 zillion nicker in 'constraint payments' for doing absolutely sweet fuck all – an amount that will be added on to household bills and paid for by hapless consumers.
Ripoff Renewables received the largest single payment as the moronic National Grid runs an auction, inviting energy companies to tell them how much they want in compensation for switching off – with the Seagull Slicer Rig's owners demanding £999 quid per megawatt hour of energy they would have produced had the turbines been switched on.
Conversely, and here’s the killer, had the turbines remained running, Ripoff Renewables would have been paid the going rate of £100 quid per megawatt hour – one tenth of what they were paid for doing nowt.
Sir Dinsdale Fuctifino, chairman of the Energy and Climate Change Select Committee, has called for an urgent inquiry by the Ofgem regulator into the extortionate fees being paid to wind farm operators – less than 30% of which are actually British owned.
Fuctifino informed one press hack from the Robbing Gits Review that "The very principle of paying wind farm owners for not producing electricity really sucks – and reminds me of the EUSSR’s insane Common Agricultural Policy scheme where farmers were paid not to grow anything,” – then added on a more sarcastic note – “Plus our civil service and the House of Conmans - where idle-arsed scivers get paid for doing nothing.”
“Personally I blame the New Labour government for this fiasco as they set the scale and pace of this subsidy-driven push for wind power which has far outstripped the National Grid's ability to integrate the uncontrollable source of energy and thus operate the network safely – and now they’re being shafted with
intolerable constraint payments.”
In a further twist to this tale of corporate extortion, traditional coal, oil and gas-fired power stations were also running on reduced power last week. However, energy companies actually paid the National Grid to do so as they were burning less fossil fuels.
To round off the wind farm obsession insanity, in 2009, in a bid to drag Britain even further into a state of moribund depression, New Labour’s crooked Business Secretary, Lord Peter Scandalson (aka Vermin in Ermine) refused to give Vestas, the UK’s leading wind energy technology company, a wind turbine manufacturing contract and instead farmed the entire deal out to India.
This resulted in the company's UK sites on the Isle of Wight and in Southampton being shut down and 425 employees consigned to join the burgeoning Jobcentre queue.
Thought for the day: Britain – and once upon a time ‘Great Britain’ – the innovator of the Industrial Revolution – before the 1980’s accursed days of Thatcherism when the meddlesome, menopausal, vindictive bitch set out to destroy the power of the unions and de-industrialised our sceptred isle.
That said and aside, we, the master engineers, have constructed just a minor part of this accursed infestation of eyesore wind farms that are now blighting both the seascape and coastlines of our once green and pleasant land.
Of the 3,419 turbines spread around our coasts, 2,276 are either fully or partly-owned by foreign businesses - Denmark, Luxembourg, Spain, Sweden, Germany, the US of A, Iceland, Italy, France and Norway – none of which gives a flying fuck about the British consumer’s exorbitant power bills – now due to rise by £200 quid per annum with the shift to so-called ‘green energy’.
And just to rub salt into the wounds, not only do these foreign gits cop for ten times the price of generated electricity when they turn the turbines off, but received £500 million quid in Renewable Obligations Certificate subsidies last year alone – on top of earnings.
Well, that’s what EUSSR membership has done for Britain – ‘broke’ it.
Just to add a piquant touch of corruption to the entire affair, an eight-turbine wind farm on the land of Sir Reginald Sheffield – PM Posh Dave Scameron’s father-in-law - earns a £2 million quid per annum consumer subsidy.
* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
This week sees yet another dagger plunged into the heart of the British establishment’s fatally flawed infatuation with wind generated power after a whistle-blowing mole working for National Grid leaked information to Ox-Rat, the snitch and grassers watchdog charity, that Ripoff Renewables, a Norwegian wind farm company operating 60 turbines around the Scottish Borders had been paid £1.2 zillion quid to shut down its equipment for eight hours – an amount ten times greater than the wind farm would have earned had it actually generated any electricity.
The National Grid ordered Ripoff Renewables to shut down its Seagull Slicer Rig II wind farm last Saturday for eight hours amid fears the electricity network might well become overloaded due the strong winds buffeting the country in the wake of Hurricane Katia.
Oddly enough, and against all sense of engineering logic, apparently wind turbine drive shafts can’t be switched to ‘free wheel’ mode so they aren’t rotating the genetaror shaft – hence the mega-wattage output they produce continually in high winds is too much for the National Grid system to handle.
Hmmm, yet another Heath Robinson fubar - the disclosure of which has truly exposed the bizarre workings of Britain's electricity supply, prompting calls for an urgent official investigation into the absurd payments system.
In total, a dozen wind farms were closed down last week, receiving £2.6 zillion nicker in 'constraint payments' for doing absolutely sweet fuck all – an amount that will be added on to household bills and paid for by hapless consumers.
Ripoff Renewables received the largest single payment as the moronic National Grid runs an auction, inviting energy companies to tell them how much they want in compensation for switching off – with the Seagull Slicer Rig's owners demanding £999 quid per megawatt hour of energy they would have produced had the turbines been switched on.
Conversely, and here’s the killer, had the turbines remained running, Ripoff Renewables would have been paid the going rate of £100 quid per megawatt hour – one tenth of what they were paid for doing nowt.
Sir Dinsdale Fuctifino, chairman of the Energy and Climate Change Select Committee, has called for an urgent inquiry by the Ofgem regulator into the extortionate fees being paid to wind farm operators – less than 30% of which are actually British owned.
Fuctifino informed one press hack from the Robbing Gits Review that "The very principle of paying wind farm owners for not producing electricity really sucks – and reminds me of the EUSSR’s insane Common Agricultural Policy scheme where farmers were paid not to grow anything,” – then added on a more sarcastic note – “Plus our civil service and the House of Conmans - where idle-arsed scivers get paid for doing nothing.”
“Personally I blame the New Labour government for this fiasco as they set the scale and pace of this subsidy-driven push for wind power which has far outstripped the National Grid's ability to integrate the uncontrollable source of energy and thus operate the network safely – and now they’re being shafted with
intolerable constraint payments.”
In a further twist to this tale of corporate extortion, traditional coal, oil and gas-fired power stations were also running on reduced power last week. However, energy companies actually paid the National Grid to do so as they were burning less fossil fuels.
To round off the wind farm obsession insanity, in 2009, in a bid to drag Britain even further into a state of moribund depression, New Labour’s crooked Business Secretary, Lord Peter Scandalson (aka Vermin in Ermine) refused to give Vestas, the UK’s leading wind energy technology company, a wind turbine manufacturing contract and instead farmed the entire deal out to India.
This resulted in the company's UK sites on the Isle of Wight and in Southampton being shut down and 425 employees consigned to join the burgeoning Jobcentre queue.
Thought for the day: Britain – and once upon a time ‘Great Britain’ – the innovator of the Industrial Revolution – before the 1980’s accursed days of Thatcherism when the meddlesome, menopausal, vindictive bitch set out to destroy the power of the unions and de-industrialised our sceptred isle.
That said and aside, we, the master engineers, have constructed just a minor part of this accursed infestation of eyesore wind farms that are now blighting both the seascape and coastlines of our once green and pleasant land.
Of the 3,419 turbines spread around our coasts, 2,276 are either fully or partly-owned by foreign businesses - Denmark, Luxembourg, Spain, Sweden, Germany, the US of A, Iceland, Italy, France and Norway – none of which gives a flying fuck about the British consumer’s exorbitant power bills – now due to rise by £200 quid per annum with the shift to so-called ‘green energy’.
And just to rub salt into the wounds, not only do these foreign gits cop for ten times the price of generated electricity when they turn the turbines off, but received £500 million quid in Renewable Obligations Certificate subsidies last year alone – on top of earnings.
Well, that’s what EUSSR membership has done for Britain – ‘broke’ it.
Just to add a piquant touch of corruption to the entire affair, an eight-turbine wind farm on the land of Sir Reginald Sheffield – PM Posh Dave Scameron’s father-in-law - earns a £2 million quid per annum consumer subsidy.
* Carbon Credit Cap & Trade Exchange (aka Pollution Reduction Scam) declaration: No trees, fish, cormorants, bumble bees or small furry mammals were harmed in posting this message. However, a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.
Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies and misaligned references.
Rusty’s Skewed News Views – Purveyors of Bespoke Satire – enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of political incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby.
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