Vauxhall ‘Launch’ Amphibious Corsa Model

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Following a spectacular maiden voyage down the Bristol Channel and around South Wales’ picturesque Gower Peninsula, then anchoring safely this morning off Knobhead Rock in the Mumbles yacht basin, Vauxhall Motors have confirmed that as the initial sea trials have proved a stellar success they will definitely be fielding their ocean-going Corsa ‘Buccaneer’ 3-door amphibian model for the 2012 Seven Seas Round-the-World Hatchback Race.

While records of short voyages up and down Broken Britain’s rivers and shallow coastal waters in a variety of family saloon vehicles are legion – with this year’s Portsmouth to Ryde / Isle of Wight Solent Crossing Race being won by a Daimler AG Smart Car, driven by 96-year old pensioner Gladys Titwank, actual deep water marine forays have in the past proved disastrous – as demonstrated with the ill-fated 1965 ‘New World or Bust’ Atlantic crossing attempt.

While ignoring a common knowledge fact that the post-war Vauxhall range were a bunch of rust buckets notorious for falling to bits while you were driving them, British Royal Marines Harry ‘Gnasher’ Mc Scrunt and Bazzer ‘Pitbull’ Davis attempted to cross the Atlantic from Morecambe Bay to St John’s, Newfoundland in a Vauxhall Viva, which sank off southern Ireland after the passenger side front quarter light was left ajar in heavy seas and the Halfords bilge pump failed – with all hands lost, including two Canadian hitchhikers picked up during a refuelling pit stop at Port Erin on the Isle of Man.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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