Saturday, 19 November 2011

New Jobcentre Sign: Arbeit Macht Frei

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Broken Britain’s ubiquitous Greedy Grocer supermarket chains – the money-spinning Pestco, Pukesburys , Mammon & Snobfords, Miceland, Gash-Save and Shiterose are backing a Department of Works & Pensions scheme devised by Tory Minister Chris ‘Pitbull’ Grayarea, to re-introduce slavery and keep unemployed teens busy by denying them any and all opportunities for associating with their budding anarchist contemporaries on the streets and fomenting silly ideas about rioting to protest their lot in life – or rather the lack of one.

Yes, in a first that might well have the likes of William Wilberforce turning in their graves, the UK's jobless youngsters are being sent off to labour and toil on the treadmills at branches of the Greedy Grocer chains and the ubiquitous High Street ‘Everything’s a Quid’ budget gulags for two month stretches - with no pay and zero guarantees of a permanent placement at the end of their Jobcentre-imposed serfdom.

According to one editorial in yesterday’s Daily Shitraker, lawyers from Ox-Rat, the government abuse watchdog charity, are mounting a legal challenge to a separate indentured serfdom scheme, euphemistically termed ‘Mandatory Work Activity’, which they argue represents a form of slavery under the statutes of the Human Rights & Wrongs Act.

Under the government's work experience programme young jobseekers are exempted from national minimum wage laws for up to eight weeks and are being coerced into placements at Pestco and Pukesbury's and a multitude of other big-name money-grubbing businesses.

Bev Titwank, 22, is completing her first three weeks at one of the ubiquitous Pound Stretcher stores, working nine hours a day. Ms Titwank, who graduated last year with a BSc in Geology from Stonehaven University, found herself between a rock and a hard place (excuse pun) with five other JSA claimants, licking shelves clean – for which she will eventually get an NVQ1 in Advanced Dusting Techniques.

So, let’s ignore the policy predictions of the Jobcentre think tank morons and take a logical, common sense peek at the situation. These major High Street retail outlets and supermarkets are accessing an in-flood stream of fiscally bound free labour – hence where’s the incentive for their management to hire any fucker or their dog on a permanent basis and pay them an actual decent living wage when they can just chuck another ad’ on the Jobcentre website and get a replacement when the old units break down or die from abuse and exhaustion?

Well, as far as gross profit motivation is concerned, then the concept of slavery does have certain attractions and advantages for furthering the aims of capitalism: to keep milking the cow twice a day while no longer having to feed it – as blatantly evidenced by the boost in Pestco’s earning since adopting the Jobcentre Plus ‘Save-aSlave’ scheme - and filing £3:5 zillion quid in pre-tax profits. Oh yes, every little helps, as their moronic soundbite goes.

Albeit we seem to recall that the good ole US of A had a bit of a civil war over using black fellers as slaves – and now in this topsy-turvey world of ours they’ve got one sat behind the desk in the White House Oval office. Conversely, the Kenyan cuckoo didn’t spend much time stacking shelves at Wal-Mart for sweet fuck all in wages.

Thought for the day. Coercing jobseekers to labour without recompense for the benefit of big business does nothing to break the cycle of unemployment, nor that of poverty but to the contary amounts to exploitation of our youth – a criterion decided at the whim of some Jobcentre Plus moron endowed with the basic educational qualifications to wipe their own arse.

Regardless, under the statutes of the EUSSR Human Rights & Wrongs Act "No one shall be required to perform forced or compulsory labour” – and especially not without being paid a fair wage for a fair day’s work.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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