Tuesday, 15 November 2011

X-Box Latest: ‘Let’s Nuke Iran’

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

Oh yes, “Yo-ho-ho”, as Santa would say, Christmas is coming and all that good shit – the countdown of Xmas shopping days left has begun in earnest – but the enigmatic riddle is: what the fuck to buy?

Well, for the boys – and men – in the family, scratch your head no longer. Enjoy your Christmas Day afternoon sat in front of a carbon-conscious roaring junk mail fire scoffing mince pies and trifle while the Queen’s boring speech is on the goggle box - and nuke each other into total annihilation with the latest DVD war game.

Forget about Dragon Age ’; Euro-Catastrophe; Kikezone: Illegal Settlements 3; Gaza Strip: Ethnic Cleansing Slaughterhouse; Kidon Assassins Creed – or Vatican Convent: Penguin Wars - the latest and greatest release from the US-based CIA / Mossad Entertainments is Call of Duty 4 : Nuke the Mad Mullahs – Doomsday, which beats the much-vaunted blood and gore of Backstreet Abortion 2 hands down any day of the week.

Available in a variety of formats (Nintendo Wii and Playstation 3) one X-Box 360 player review by the Warmongers Gazette claims this latest game has the best virtual reality software to date, which includes computerised geo-terrain tracking - as used in cruise missiles - to strike your enemy’s nuclear research facilities and target deep underground weapons sites with blockbuster bombs.

So, let the toss-up begin. Who’s going to join the Zionist US-led Coalition of the Belligerents in this holier-than-thou crusade where two cultures clash head-on – and who wants to convert to Islam and take command of Iran’s Revolutionary Guards?

As the US-NATO aggressors move into the Persian Gulf with their carrier fleets, you can be the first to strike a geo-political victory by saturation mining the Straits of Hormuz and cut off the global oil supply – and take out their mine sweepers with your RAM-coated Sunburst missiles.
Then hedge your bets and make a financial killing as the price of black gold shoots through the roof to $300-plus bucks a barrel and Western commerce and industry comes to a grinding halt and the Almighty Dollar and the Euro crash to the ground like Goliath before them – with gold topping $2750 per Troy ounce as civil anarchy takes off at a geometric rate across Europe and the good ole US of A.

Get ready at your post for Wave 2 as President Mahmoud Ahmadashell calls up on the hot line from his fuhrer bunker in Tehran and orders you to loose batteries of Fajr-3 MIRV and Shahab 3 missiles against the infidel legions of the Great Satan as they steer aimlessly around the Gulf – trapped like fish in a barrel – and take out the ZioNazi-corrupted back-stabbing Arab states of Dubai, Abu Dhabi, al Qatar, Bahrain and Kuwait for good measure while the window of opportunity is wide open.

When the US-NATO warships close in on Iran’s southern coastline, will you be the one at the helm – leading a massive flotilla of torpedo launchers and fast attack Shaheed suicide speedboats - loaded to the gunwales with Semtex - against the heathen invaders?
Hey but no worries here as Islam – unlike Christianity and Judaism - has a guaranteed afterlife (subject to terms and conditions) – with the added bonus that Jolly Jihad muhijadeen martyrs get a private spot in Paradise and 72 perpetual virgins to cater for their every carnal desire – and do the laundry too.

Next the spectre of ‘unintended consequences’ rears its ugly head as Hezbollah and Hamas kick off big time – plunging the entire Middle East into a tumultuous inferno – and simultaneously the legions of sleeper muhijadeen – all die-hard jihadists – infiltrated into every city in the heathen Western hemisphere – expedite their pre-planned reprisal attacks - sabotaging all aspect of civil infrastructures, utilities and transport.

For the Western Coalition team it’s a matter of ‘win some – lose some’ as the game gets well underway in this fight to maintain Israel’s regional military hegemony in the Middle East and enforce the Protocols of the Greedy Bastard Elders of Zion’s ‘New World Order’ on a reluctant global populace - with China and Russia – and the Shanghai Cooperation Organisation - peering protectively over Iran’s shoulder.

Your USAF B2 Spirit stealth bombers take out the Iranian’s textile and baby milk formula factories and then the spin doctors go to work, dishing up lashings of black propaganda and claiming they were nuclear research facilities – until some rotten bastard at the BBC starts shouting “Lies!” and squawking about dodgy weapons of mass distraction dossiers.
Then it’s time to wear the Tony Bliar mask, get on your 10 Downing Street red phone and unleash the security services psycho’s to snuff a couple of loose-lipped weapons inspectors up in the Grassy Knoll Woods as a warning to other treasonous would-be moralist blabbermouths that suicide can be a highly contagious condition.

But watch out Iran – the Coalition of the Bully Boys – the US of A, the UK, and the ZioNazi rogue state of Israel are planning on taking out your elite Republican Guard ground troops with tactical neutron bombs so they can land a massive invasion force.
Time to pull that secret rabbit out of the hat – the arsenal of Russian nukes you bought from north of the border when the USSR broke up years ago and everyone and their dog had a high tech weapons fire sale.

So where do we detonate a couple of these 5 megaton thermo-nuclear babies to make our ‘Don’t Fuck With Us’ point? Washington - London - or Tel Aviv?

Thought for the day: Gee, wow – thank fuck it’s only a video game and all make-believe – and not the real thing: yet.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a nut-infested area and may contain traces of lunacy and/or squirrel shit.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.

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