Mancs Yobs Cop Lack of Originality Smear

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The banner headlines in this morning’s red top tabloid gutter press have generated outrage amongst gangs across the entire North-West of England as Greater Manchester’s Plod Squad boss, Chief Constable Percy Fuctifino accuses the region’s yobsters of a lack of originality by copy-catting the ‘Summer of Discontent’ London riots.

CC Fuctifno explained to one hack from the Insurrectionist Review “The August riots have been a central discussion point at my Masonic lodge recently, as they represent the manifestation of a condemning condition of apathy possessing our local Manchester gangs and thugs in general - and further indicative of a lack of originality when base materialism takes precedence over socio-political protests.”

“Here we see these gangs of youths, perhaps rightly discontented with their lot in life – or rather, the lack of one in Broken Britain – watching scenes on the goggle box of Tottenham yobsters smashing shop windows and carting off 60 inch HD digital tellys – so what do they do? Get on Facebook and that Twatter thing to post messages or start texting their mates to head down to Market Street and Deansgate and do the same – kick start a clusterfuck looting rampage.”

“I mean, some of these morons are so thick they can’t even devise an original form of semi-violent protest against central government mismanagement and have to ape their London contemporaries – which I blame on society itself and a lack of attention to their educations regarding history and the classics wherein the could have learned so much from the anarchists of old – especially Wat Tyler and the Peasant’s Revolt, the Luddites and vodka-swigging Bolsheviks.”

“To my mind, their actions would have been perfectly excusable if they’d assembled in St Peter’s Square or Piccadilly like good little Trotskyists, then split up into small mobile commando units, all armed with petrol bombs and targeted what they view as the raison d'être of their economic plight and centres of government abuse - and too the Big Brother panopticon surveillance society. The CCTV cameras, the banks, the building societies, the police stations, the Town Hall – even my own Freemasons lodge.”

“But, no – that form of nihilistic protest was not to be. It all turned out ‘Me, Me, Me’ again – self over community – ‘Let’s nick a pair of trainers or an iPhone or a laptop’. Okay, I do realise most of these youths come from broken homes – but don’t forget that in 95% of cases they’re the ones that broke them.”

Conversely Ron McSkanger, a former skateboard mechanic and now acting spokesman for the Amalgamated HSS Union (Hoodies, Scrotes & Scallies), opined to the media “It’s alright this twat of a Chief Constable dissin’ our members over lack of effin’ originality when they get together fer a bit of a riot, but yer got ter remember that they’ve not bin trained in the black arts like the Plod Squad’s deep cover moles an' agent provocateurs have.”

“Fer most of these kids the closest they ever got ter goin’ ter school an’ learnin’ owt woz playin’ wiv the kids that did go – an’ that’s wot our rulin’ establishment of upper class dog wankers fail ter understand about this end of society livin’ on sink or swim council housin’ estates an’ tryin’ ter get some sort of an education at the local Asbo Central Academy where the teachers are all ex-prison officer sadists an' ravin' paedo's - or Polish plumbers passin’ themselves off wiv forged qualifications.”

“We rank so low on the social ladder we’re irrelevant ter these political elitist twats wot only out ter maintain the corrupt status quo an’ cash in on their official position an’ treat us like some lump of dogshit they’ve trod in – until we kick off an’ start riotin’ an’ threaten their sacred money / property chain – wot the Plod Squad are there ter protect – then they seem ter wake up pretty fuckin’ quick an’ take notice.”

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.