UK Plod Squads Gear up for Protest War

In this morning’s ‘Enhanced Bullshit’ edition we bring you the latest and greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

The gospel according to a highly confidential memo just leaked to Ox-Rat, the international human rights and wrongs abuse charity, by deep cover snitches of moral conscience inside Scotland Yard, claims that the UK’s Plod Squads are to be bestowed with the divine right to fire baton rounds at student protesters involved with future demonstrations against the manner in which our once sceptred isle is being mismanaged by the inept Libservative Coalition government – to suit the capricious demands of the corrupt EUSSR in Brussels – and the ZioNazi scumbags running the rogue state of Israel.

Commander Simon Ffitch-Haddock, who is in charge of the policing this Wednesday’s protest march, informed one press hack from the Overkill Gazette that armoured vehicles, known as ‘Battle Tanks’ – the 65 tonne ‘Rachel Corrie’ model employed to tactical advantage by Israel’s IDF’s Hafganat Koah Brigade for crushing Palestinian activists to death - would also be on standby if the protests saw a repeat of this past summer's riots or the chaos last year during the demonstrations against student tuition fees hikes.

The march, organised by the National Campaign Against Fees, Cuts and Corrupt Government, is due to kick start from the Rat & Pikey pub in Slumborough Hamlets – and on to the City’s graft-ridden Square Mile to amass outside the Stock Exchange.
The protest is campaigning against the government's plans for a market-driven higher education system – with the main bone of contention orbiting around the fact that students are being dictated to by a public school cabinet of millionaire elitists that they’ve now got to cough up triple tuition fees for a university education – with no guarantee of employment once they graduate.

During last year’s tuition fee hike demo’s the inept ex-Met Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson was criticised for purposely fielding only 225 officers to make a political point – and who were overwhelmed by hordes of rampaging student protesters smashing into the Conservative Party headquarters and traumatising staff to the extent they suffered involuntary bowel movements.

Yet again on December 9, during another student protest, Prince Chazzer, aboard his Mum’s Roller, was besieged in the worst royal security breach since Guy Fawkes managed to smuggle hundreds of kegs of black powder into the cellars of the House of Conmans – excepting perhaps the conspired murder of Princess Diana in a rigged Paris auto accident.

On that occasion, Gorgonzilla, the chain-smoking Duchess of Cornhole’s face was a grotesque mask of horror (nothing unusual there) as rioters swarmed around the Phantom VI, kicking a choice selection of dents into the coachwork panels and adorning the paintwork with scratchwork graffiti – with one audacious peasant reaching in through the window and grabbing the Duchess’s pack of Capstan Full Strength.

By contrast, more than 40,000 police will oversee this Wednesday’s march, which is expected to attract crowds of Premier League soccer match proportions – possibly exceeding a Biblical multitude. All Plod Squad leave has been cancelled and 5,000 TSG auxiliary Neanderthals are being drafted in from the Renta-Thug Security Agency.

To ensure they can keep control of what may transpire into a highly volatile situation, especially so if MI5 and the Met’s agent provocateurs turn out in their black balaclavas to stir up some real false flag aggro’ and chuck a few bricks and Molotov cocktails, and incite the moronic protesters into riot mode to further the government’s desired clamp down / curfew strategy, Scotland Yard revealed that apart from fielding their front line of psychopathic hooligans armed with Asp telescopic steel batons, hardwood tonfas and pick axe shafts, that the deployment and use of ‘rubber bullets’ has been authorised if the protest march and demonstration gets hijacked by a bunch of Bolshie anarchists and troublemakers.

However, Commander Ffitch-Haddock stressed that they were not planning to use baton rounds and such would only be a last resort if all other tactics failed and officers’ lives were at risk – such as might well occur if students come armed with their own 37mm HK rubber bullet launchers.

One pertinent point concerning the most cunningly disingenuous and euphemistic term ‘rubber bullets’ – for that is one thing they are not.
The L21 A1 ‘baton round’ is of a 37 mm calibre (four times the diameter of a standard police 9 mm pistol round) composed of an aluminium and plastic agglomerate, 155 mm in length and weighing 145 grams - that leaves the barrel of the Heckler-Koch L104-A1 launcher at a135 mph velocity - what Formula One aficionados refer to as ‘very, very fast’.

Hmmm nasty, with a large capital N. We’ve already witnessed the belligerence and barbarity of the Met’s Renta-Thug Squad officers when one - Slimy Simon Harwood - took the self-satisfying sadistic opportunity to murder Ian Tomlinson at the G20 protests in the City on April Fools’ Day 2009 – a crime that still remains unpunished and cries out for closure.
Then we have Sgt Delboy Stinkie beating the shit out of female protesters at the same demo’ – another case of police brutality dismissed by a corrupt judiciary as 'just doing his job'.
Next, the dumping of disabled tuition fee hike protesters out of their wheelchairs and dragging them across the road by the scruff of their neck – for their own safety.
And how many innocent school-age teens badly scalded and hospitalised with third degree burns from being ‘kettled’ by the Met’s homicidal psycho’s, we might well ask?

Now they want to shoot the protesters with baton rounds – same as some basket case Third World martial law state like Israel or North Korea or China. Next it will be flash grenades and live fire rounds – 7:62 full metal jackets or Black Talon ammo.

Thought for the day: Beverly Titwank, an 18-year old mother of three, and Green Party member of the Metropolitan Police Authority and too a prospective London Mayoral candidate out to unseat the incumbent Bonkers Boris Nonsense, reacted with horror at the news, opining to one press hack from the Nihilists Gazette that “Any effin’ plod wot shoots some student wiv one of them baton rounds will have ter answer ter the whole of fuckin’ London.”

Hmmm, one remedial action - if we don’t pay our taxes then they can’t afford to buy any more rubber bullet / baton rounds to shoot us with. Ra-Ra! – and On-On the Revolution! Let’s get the tumbrels rolling.

Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

Rusty’s Skewed News Views (Purveyors of Bespoke Satire) - enhanced with a modest touch of Yeast Logic and a piquant dash of Political Incorrectness: a newsheet and media source not owned by Rupert Murdoch and the Masonic Zionist kikester lobby – and immune from litigation under the statutes of the ‘Fair Comment in the Public Interest’ defence.