Trafford Incinerator Scheme gets Trashed

Once again, the latest and the greatest in scandal-mongering hot gossip from Anarchy Central’s 24/7 Truth & Rumour Mill – with dispatches hand forged and crafted into bespoke satire to tempt the palates of all budding nihilists and career revolutionaries who carry the immortal bloodline of the rebel sons of Belial.

In what must constitute a first for marginalised council estate residents in achieving an ‘US versus THEM’ victory in Broken Britain, plans to construct a pollution-spewing energy plant in Greater Manchester have been rejected by the local authority.
Members of Trafford’s planning committee voted unanimously to refuse an application by the Eastern European-based Pikey Power SA to build a biomass incinerator opposite Barton’s Slagheap Terraces sink or swim housing estate.

Costas ‘Gyppo’ McScumm, the director of Pikey Power’s UK affiliate, Bottom Feeders Energy, informed a group of press hacks from the Ecological Disaster Review that the company was disappointed with the vote and were now considering which members of the council’s planning committee were holding out for a bigger bribe to okay the scheme.
McScumm explained that the Barton renewable energy plant would have burnt anything halfway flammable – newspapers, roadkill, wood, old tyres, sewage, garden waste - including corpses from the nearby crematorium that’s due for closure early in 2012 as the council simply cannot afford the newly-hiked tariffs British Gas is charging per therm.

McScumm continued "We’re severely disturbed that the planning committee has seen fit to turn down the folders of expert evidence placed before it – along with those buff envelopes stuffed with £50 quid notes - as the recommendation for approval was very clear and the proposal accords with EUSSR planning policy that work just fine in places like Poland, Estonia and the Ukraine.”
“A number of other similar proposals have gained planning consent elsewhere recently in the Scotland after our heavies went round and had a quiet word in someone’s ear that if they didn’t approve the project then they’d get their legs broken."

Mrs Candida Mingerot, a Barton resident herself and member of the Breathe Clean Air Group, speaking to a gaggle of gutter press hacks gathered outside the Town Hall for a smoko following the vote, revealed "We’re jumpin’ fer effin’ joy wiv the result cos we normally rank so low on the social ladder we’re irrelevant ter these political elitists twats wot's only out ter cash in on their official position an’ treat us like a lump of dogshit they’ve trod in.”
“That’s people power at work for yer innit, eh – cos every fucker an’ their dog on the estate wot can write their own name signed the petition."

“We know wot’s gonna happen here – it’ll end up like that Fuckupshima power station place in Japan wot’s glowin’ in the effin' dark now cos of all the radioactive crap wot it spewed out wiv that tidal wave thingy – an’ we could get one of them tsunamis here too – comin’ down the Manchester Ship Canal.”

“Besides, if they build that effin’ monstrosity opposite Slagheap Terraces then it’s gonna spoil me view of our local landfill site an’ all them nice white seagulls dive-bombing the council workers every day. Wot’s more the plant would put me husband Frank out of his recyclin' job cos he’s a chartered member of the Skip Scavvies Guild.”

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Allergy warning: This article was written in a known propaganda-infested area and may contain traces of slight exaggeration, modest porkies, misaligned references and lashings of bush telegraph innuendo.

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